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Can you "love" someone when you're a teenager?

Mysterious Gurl

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Well I used to go out with a girl in her teens when i was about 20. She told me she loved me but it wasn't real. This is maybe just a one-off case with me and her but her friends would find and break up with people who they "loved" and were over it in a matter of weeks. Just like my ex was.

I think a teenager probably can love but the hormones get in the way of the true feelings far too much to tell what is real.

Sorry for such a downer!

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Love involves hormones regardless of what age you are. Hormones cause that wonderful I-want-to-be-with-you-forever-and-never-leave-your-arms feeling we get when we're around our sweetheart.


The bad news is that these hormones eventually wear off, and we don't get that high anymore. Yes, high. I believe there has been research that proves falling in love is literally like an addiction -- and in fact some people do get addicted to it.


The good news is that love truly has nothing to do with these hormones -- you can still love someone after they've worn off. If we couldn't, then would we be hearing about happily married couples who've remained faithful for decades at a time?


So, no, I don't believe teenage love is due to the hormonal changes of puberty. I think the reason there can be so many disasters in teenage love relationships is simply because, as teenagers, we're new to the whole "being in love" idea. No one is ever perfect at doing something they first time they try it -- it takes practice!

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Can you love someone as a teenager? Absolutely!

Will it last forever? Probably not.


Your teenage years are very transitional. You're changing in every way and even when you meet someone who is just like you, the chances of it lasting forever are pretty slim. Most of the time you will grow apart in your 20's if it's a long term relationship. It doesn't mean it can't happen, but it's most likely.


Just enjoy being young and in love. Teenage years are some of the best in your life.

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If you can love your parents and other family when you're 17, then obviously, yes!


But... many sometimes mix the word "love" up with other feelings, like sexual lust or infatuation; many judge what they think is love pre-maturely. They think it's love, but it's probably not. You might be mixing this up with true feelings for someone.


Usually, I think it takes a while to learn who someone really is, to really love them. This is why when someone says "I've been going out with this person for 2-3 months, and I love them!" I question it. Why? Because, 3 months is hardly much time to know someone, inside and out. Heck, it takes years and much experience through trials and hard times to know ourselves through and through... yet we think we can get to know someone within a few months? Ha! And you can only truly love someone you truly know!


Just my opinion.


In conclusion, yes, I know it's possible... just depending.

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I agree that you can fall in love, but like applepie says, you are also pre-change, pre-evolution into the Adult You. That means that you just aren't operating with as much information about yourself as you might with a few years' experience under your belt. You also don't have the benefit of those years of experience to understand what is objectively good or bad behaviour; what is to be expected from others. So I think that teenagers might sometimes over-dramatise things that older people are more matter-of-fact about.


But the individual's maturity also has a huge effect. Some people never grow up. I woud hesitate to ever say that one mature teenager's experience of love is somehow less "valuable" than an immature adult's version.


So yes, love is absolutely possible when young, but it can also be a somewhat less informed love. But that makes it even more special to some degree because there is less "baggage" and cynicism involved.

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I believe you can love as a teen. definitely! I think though, as you get older, your capacity to love grows. So you can love him to your fullest now. And 10 years from now, you will have more love to give, if that makes any sense. I think life has a way of getting complicated as we grow older. When you are a teen, you can love someone and it's all fine and nice. But as an adult, if there is someone you love, you may have to make MAJOR sacrifices, such as moving or taking a different job and things like kids can complicate things. So, I think that loving someone can mean a much greater investment and committment. If you get what i am saying.... I know I sound confusing! LOL


Take care, I hope everything is doing well!

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It's the actual thought of me and my current boyfriend ever growing apart in the future that petrifies me and when someone mentioned teenage love being due to "hormones" that scared me even more.


I'm in a long distance relationship of about 300 miles and the pain of leaving him after visitng brings me to tears for days, I get this sick feeling in my stomach and I can't seem to bring myself to do the simplist things like make a coffee because it doesn't seem worth it without him.


Darren (my other half) believes we can betogether forever and I want that so much. I know it sounds like the old fashioned teenage love story, but I genuinely feel what I have for him, is infact love.


I heard that distance makes the heart grow fonder and I believe in a way it's true because I appreciate every single moment with him where as if we were together everyday I might not.


My parents met at a young age of 18 and were married by 21. So I use that as a belief that my relationship will last because they are still together now.


Thanks for your replies though ... I just wanted some answers that could focus my head straight.


Miya x

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i was with someone who lived 30 miles away when i was 16 and it lasted 2 years! when you are a teenager is when you discover you can have 'adult' feelings for another such as love.

As a lot of people have said/implied it probably won't last forever but no matter how many times you are told this you'll think that he is 'the one' i know because i felt the same as you did.

Enjoy this relationship you have and if unfortunately it does end then always remember there are definitely more people out there.

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Sounds like you have as close as anyone has to love Mysterious Gurl. We all know people who met as teenagers and had years of wonderful marriage. My parents-in-law got together when she was 16 and he was 19, and they're in their 60s now and doing fine. We have friends who are the same way.


If you guys manage to grow together rather than apart, and you stay kind to one another no matter what, there's no reason why this can't work. Hey, it's hormones for ALL of us - doesn't make it any less real and beautiful.

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I mean, it may work out. I know tons of people who married their hs sweethearts and are still together. And plenty of people meet and marry in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, and things don't work out then. So, I think it comes down to the person. So just enjoy the relationship, don't worry about the statistics.

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of COURSE you can love someone!!

whether or not you look back on it and agree.. at the time it feels real, so its real!!


love is just a chemical reaction in the brain, you may react to people you wouldnt once your hormones have settled down, but when you feel you love someone... you just do, healthy or not

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I'd say that's infatuation, and not true love.


imo, "true love" is just when you are both compatible and mature enough to work at it and make it last

there is no reason why what she is feeling isnt love, she just might not have learnt the skills to comprimise properly yet... it does take a lot of work (assuming they dont stay together, that is.)

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I was with my first love from 16y/o and we broke up when I was 18. He was a year older than me. He was my first love. We lost our virginity to eachother. I believe that we loved eachother. And like any other relationship, it just wasn't working in the end. I loved him with my whole heart.


I am living with my current bf and I love him with my whole heart now! It feels different because we both have pasts and past relationships so it doesn't have "pureness" about it but the this time around, I feel like I actually know what I'm doing! I'm very much in love.

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  • 2 years later...

YES! YOU CAN!!! im a teen... this applied to me when i went away from my friend(crush)(love) for 4 weeks... wrote it when i was 2 weeks away...

(of course she didnt read it)(were still just friends)

Yes i wrote this...

i love her... every second im not with her is like a knife stabbing through my throat... i wish i could tell her how i feel but im too nervous... i want to comfort her and make her feel wanted... everytime she posts something about another guy i get this urge of jealousy running through my veins.. how am i going to cope with 2 more weeks without her...

i wish i could just tell her but im too scared... i cant tell her on msn... that would make me look like a wimp... i want to tell her in person but i cant... im too nervous... too shy... i fear that she would reject me . i just want to ask her.... every time i look into her eyes i feel like i just won the lottery... everytime i look at her lips it makes me want to kiss her... i miss her so much... everyday i keep a picture on my ipod that shows her.. and i look at it for at least 20 minutes a day because i miss her so much and want to see her beautiful face again... i would give up anything to be with her... i wish she liked me... I could talk about her for hours.. maybe days... maybe weeks... possibly months... she is the most beautiful thing i have ever laid eyes on... even though she keeps saying to her self she is not hot... i love evrything about her... sigh... and yet she will never like me possibly... every night i cant sleep thinking about her... I wish i could just look into her eyes again... but no... i have looked at her facebook profile over 1000 times and counting sigh... i spend 200 times a day checking facebook if she is on line... i stayed up till 2 am and told it was to talk to friends but it was actually jsut to see her... when i hug her it makes me want to last it for ever.. when she first hugged me it was the best thing that ever happened to me...

i wish i could hold her tight and never let go... i could go on like this forever... i could write one of these a page long every single time i think about her... there isnt a moment when i dont thinka bout her... everything reminds me of her... i want to get lost within her beautiful blue eyes forever... I would never have the guts to EVER say this in real life... i set up events so that friends could talk to me but actually wouldnt give a crap if no one showed up but her... i could talk with her for hours... i go to bed at 10PM but sleep at 2AM because i keep thinking about her and i cant sleep... without her i would be nothing... I guess you could consider this a love letter... but she will probably never read it... when ever she says she loves me (as a friend) i nearly faint... if i could wish one thing... it would be knowing if she felt the same way... even as i sit here writing this letter... i wish i could hold her in my arms... i wish she was here.. with me.. i wish alot... but most of the things are about her.... i wish if she liked me that she would just make the first move... Even though i could summarize this entire letter in three words... i still want to discribe it in detail... i could jsut make a note saying i love her but that wouldnt bring relief like this... yes i could go on writing this deep into the night because i love her so much... i would do anything to finally hear those words.. that she likes me... i would hold her in my arms forever...

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