bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I just wanted to let you guys know that my boyfriend and I broke up today. If you guys have followed my posts, you know that we have been having problems. We have broken up and gotten back together and I thought this time was going to be different. I guess I have just been holding on to something that isnt there anymore. He said that this has been dragging on for a while and it needs to end. He said our personalities dont match and we are not sexually compatible and that we just need to cut our losses. I agree with him, but am still sad. I have put so much effort into this relationship and didnt want it to fail. I will miss him a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I'm so sorry you're sad. It sounds like you've worked hard and have put a lot of yourself into this relationship. Hang in there. It will get easier over time. We're here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jengh Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 wow, i'm sorry it didn't work out but from the sounds of it, this guy is a mess and doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve. I'm going through a breakup right now too and I know how hard it is.. everyday gets a little better Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 I'm sorry it went that way for you. I'm sure you'll find some help here as you recover. You're a good person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Thank you guys so much. He has already called me and told me he is going to miss me. We have been down this road before and always gotten back together and I know I cant do that this time. I told him I wanted my stuff back and he wants me to wait until Monday, but I said why are we postponing the inevitable. We dont have to see eachother for him to get me my stuff...he can just leave it out for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 He's probably in shock. You've been very good to him, so it must be hard for him to accept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 He's probably in shock. You've been very good to him, so it must be hard for him to accept. Well it was his decision. I have always wanted to be with him. He is the one who always has the control. I know that we are not supposed be together because he is not going to change, and I deserve better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Even dumpers have to recover. My ex dumped me and was a basketcase for a while. You're a kind person, and will find a better guy for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Even dumpers have to recover. My ex dumped me and was a basketcase for a while. You're a kind person, and will find a better guy for you. Thank you for saying that. You dont even know me and you know that I am a kind person. I just want this emptiness in my stomach to go away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 I keep thinking "What could I have done better?" And I know that there is nothing I could have done and that it is him, not me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keenan Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 And I know that there is nothing I could have done That's a great gift, actually. It's harder to live with regrets than loneliness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Why do I want to be in a relationship that I know is not good for me? I am not getting anything out of this. I give and give and dont get anything in return. Am I just stuck in an abusive relationship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 I just talked to him again. apparently I said something funny and he was "you are so cute" and then he said he would call me in 20 minutes. We have gone down this road before where we break up and then we miss each other and talk 5 times a day before we decide we want to see each other. I am feeling really calm right now, but I know that if he gives me an opening I will go back to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finewhine Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Quit it! WHY would you go back to him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 BH I'm concerned that you may have some traits developed from abuse. Please reconsider. I know it sounds far-fetched to you, but being mistreated and returning for more is a sign of serious problems if the abuser hasn't really changed. He's still the same guy who drove you crazy with cruelty and indifference. If he's not getting treatment for depression or changing at all, you may be recycling trouble. It soothes your pain to simply return to him, but if you stay away until the heartbreak eases, you can see more clearly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wandering_Sword Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Hey, I'm sorry to hear about the sad news, but I agree with the others in that sometimes what we do we wind up delaying the inevitable. So instead of "yanking the bandage slowly" just tear it off real quick, deal with the following pain and be done with it. Sounds harsh, yes but you'll be better off in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breeze33 Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 Why do I want to be in a relationship that I know is not good for me? I am not getting anything out of this. I give and give and dont get anything in return. Am I just stuck in an abusive relationship? Bigheart, don't go back to him! :sad: He is playing around with your heart. Please talk to a counselor to help you get through this and find out why you allow yourself to be involved with someone who can be cruel one day and loving the next. It's not a healthy relationship and I think you deserve better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 Bigheart, don't go back to him! :sad: He is playing around with your heart. Please talk to a counselor to help you get through this and find out why you allow yourself to be involved with someone who can be cruel one day and loving the next. It's not a healthy relationship and I think you deserve better. I actually have been seeing a counselor for a long time (before all this) and I do talk to her about it. It helps. We both caved in last night and saw each other. I thought I would be able to get some closure, but I think we both just became even more confused. We left each other this morning w/o anything being resolved. He didnt want me to take my stuff from his place and I didnt force the issue either. The only way this relationship is going to really end is if I cut ties, b/c he says he wants to break up but can never go through with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karvala Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 You've said you deserve better (and you do). You've said that there was nothing more you could have done (and there wasn't). You've said he's not capable of ending it (and he's not). You've also said that he always has control. Well now it's your turn. You've been kind to him for a long time. Now be kind to yourself. You know that for someone of your warmth, there are a million better guys out there just waiting to know you, waiting to show you how things could be. But you'll never know, unless you finally put yourself first. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImThatGirl Posted February 1, 2007 Share Posted February 1, 2007 You are his rock. Maybe he was trying to do the right thing and let you go to find true happiness. Funny how they break up but it's never official. I don't get that. I want him to treat you BETTER though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Share Posted February 1, 2007 BH I'm concerned that you may have some traits developed from abuse. Please reconsider. I know it sounds far-fetched to you, but being mistreated and returning for more is a sign of serious problems if the abuser hasn't really changed. He's still the same guy who drove you crazy with cruelty and indifference. If he's not getting treatment for depression or changing at all, you may be recycling trouble. It soothes your pain to simply return to him, but if you stay away until the heartbreak eases, you can see more clearly. I am concerned too. I am usually a strong, independent person. But when it comes to this guy I cant seem to be strong. I know that he needs me and he wont be able to let go, even though he tries to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigheart09 Posted February 2, 2007 Author Share Posted February 2, 2007 Well, after we mutually decided we should break up, we have been talking about 5 times a day, and then at night. We are both talking like we are still together. We were supposed to have lunch today, but both too busy with work to get away. We did talk for a half an hour on the phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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