Costas Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I have been a regular reader of this forum since last June when my girlfriend dumped me. I never wrote my story but the comments on this forum helped me a lot. I will try to keep it brief and i need some advice on what to do. We broke up last June. It lasted almost 2 years. I am 31 she is 28. The first 18 months were great. She kept saying that i changed her life for the better and that she adored me. After a few months although she had her own place, she started spending most of her time at my appartment and gradually moved in. We spent almost every night together. She was the one that pursued this and i enjoyed spending time with her so i let it happen. She was so happy and was showing it to everyone. I got along with her parents and everything was going great. We had a very close relationship and really cared about each other. I supported her emotionally and financially and was always there for her to talk to. We had only two problems in the last 6 months of our relationship. Some problems at work stressed me out and i fell into a depression. She kept saying to me that she couldn't stand seeing me in this way and i was really thinking of leaving my job. She was also stressed out because of problems in her job. The other problem was my father who didn't like her and was showing it to her. At this point (1 month before we break up) she was tellling me to leave my appartment and stay with her at her house and was talking about the prospect of getting married and have children. I told her i would think about moving. However in this month she was avoiding to get intimate with me, something that created tension between us. She avoided me for a few days staying at her house and one fine day she came to me and told me she needed time apart. I was shocked! We were so close, how could this happen? I was like a god to her and now i don't meet her requirements (that's what she told me when i put pressure on her). I got furious, she picked up her things, then the next day i apologised and gave her the time she needed only for her to invite me for dinner the next day. We were back together but after 10 days she told me that we should break up and it would be final. She mentioned my father, the effect that my work has on me and that i didn't give her enough attention. She said that she felt trapped. She thought that i had too many flaws that because of the love she didn't see at the beginning. She said the she is looking for someone to support her emotionally and not someone that needs support (because of my problems in the last months). This was particularly ungrateful from her as i was always there for her when she had health problems and also when her father got ill. I left but i didn't practice No Contact. We kept in touch and we talked on the phone and although i was trying to sound indifferent, i was going crazy. She was telling me she was going out and was having a great time. Then i stopped calling to see if she will contact me. I lasted for 5 days. I called her on her mobile and she hanged up. An hour later she called me back. We talked for five minutes and then she told me to hang and that she would call be back in 5 mins. She didn't call back. The next morning i called her to see if she is ok and reacted angrily and said that she forgot to call me back. That day was our 2 year "anniversary". I couldn't resist. I took flowers a card and a gold necklace !!! and went to her house. She read the card, accepted the flowers, denied the necklace, told me that she prefers to stay alone right now and showed to me the door. I left but again didn't practice NC. I contacted her friends, her mother and found out who she is hanging out with. Then a male "friend" of her told me that she was intimate with somebody else that i knew (10 years younger than her!) and i went crazy. I got upset and sent her one nasty message. One day she sent me by courrier all the gifts that i gave her in the 2 years. I took them and went straight to her house. I told her why i sent her the nasty message and who told me. She replied that she was just being friendly with him and that the other guy misunderstood. She assured me that nothing was going on. She started crying saying that she was also feeling miserable this past month. I told her to take the presents back as they were given with love and she couldn't just return them. I said this and left. After half an hour she sent me a message if it was possible to get back together again. I replied "only if you are sure that is what you really want". We got back together but only lasted 5 days and she said that she doesn't feel attracted to me anymore. She said she couldn't forget the nasty message i sent to her. She had a tendency of running away when things get difficult, both in relationships and in her work (she changed 10 jobs in 5 years). She said that she would visit a psychologist. She did that but only as a way to get over me and not to deal with her issues. She admitted this later on. I begged and pleaded for a couple of weeks until i found this forum and decided to do NC. ALthough for the wrong reasons. I put a timeline of 1 month and tried to contact her again. She accepted gladly to meet me for coffee. She kept mentioning this guy and told me they became good friends. I found out a bit later that they are going out. I got really obssessed but decided to move on. I dated another girl but i kept thinking about her so i stopped it. The other guy dumped her after a few months(last September). After this i got my hopes up and i sent her some messages and met with her another two times pretending to be fine with it but i was still hurting very badly and her indifference towards me wasn't helping at all. I initiated almost all contact. I kept hurting myself unti i did the most stupid thing. One night i was drunk and nostalgic and i passed from her house and she saw me. She got very upset and called and yelled at me and said she never wants to see me again. It was a wake up call for me, that i should stop doing this to myself. COMING TO TODAY Since this (beginning of October) we had no contact. i started some new hobbies and tried to improve myself. At the end of the year i couldn't resist and sent her a happy new year message. She replied telling me "a chance for new targets in your life!" I called her 10 days after that and apologised for my mistake to go by her house. I told her that i didn't like the way things ended and that it was a big burden for me. I was going abroad on a business trip that day and she said she will call me when i get back. I told her i would like to see her. When i got back she called me (a week ago) and asked me to meet her at her house. She was sick and had to stay at home for 5 days. We had a nice conversation but also discussed some things that bothered me about the breakup as i thought this would be closure. I told her that what bothered me the most is the ease with which she moved on. She told me that it was just an act and that it was very difficult for her too. She said she loved me but not in a romantic way. I thought this was closure. Last Monday i called her to see if she was better and asked her if she needed company. She said "come over". I went by her house again and we talked very lightly. Didn't bring up the relationship and the breakup. The conversation went very well. I asked her to call me and give me an update on her health situation and left. She was going to the doctor later that day and sent me a message later that night informing me on what the doctor had told her. We exchanged some messages. On the next day i got carried away. I sent her a message asking whether she is feeling better and replied with just a YES after a few hours. I sent her another stupid message just to start a conversation and she didn't reply. How do i proceed so that i don't scare her away? I would love to have another chance, we had a good time when we met the other day. I know i am risking to get hurt again but i want to make one last try. Quote Link to comment
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.