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Is this going to get ugly? (her mom)


answersguy
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My SO's and I have been together for 9 months now and she moved home from college in december. Since she moved back home, her mom expects her to be the completely obedient child that left for college four years ago. They've been fighing alot lately because of her mom's expectations. her mom told me last night that all of their relationship issues are because I'm in the picture and then she ran out of the room so I wouldn't have a chance to speak. I sent her this e-mail.

 

So it's OK for you to tell me what's on your mind and how I'm the reason for

your issues with your daughter and then immediately run away when I want to tell you my point of view? I'm sure you'll also be less then receptive to e-mail but that's OK, this will give me the opportunity to get what I have to say off my chest even if you don't read it. You say that you've never had so many problems with Angela since I came into the picture but your relationship with her didn't change over the summer, it changed when she came home. You had a certain expectation of her that she doesn't meet. She's lived somewhat free from parenting and stringent rules for four years now and you expect her to immediately go back to that 18 year old highschooler... And when she didn't, you blame me. Which is fine if it makes you happy but I'm not the cause of your problems and I never have been. You had the expectation that your daughter would come back into your life as it was in highschool and she would some how bring the happiness into your life that you've been missing. That's an unrealistic and unachievable expectation and not fair to you or her. The only one who can make you happy is you. I love your daughter and whether realize it or not. Not only do I not try to control her actions but I wouldn't want to because I apprecaite who she is. I'm sure this e-mail doesn't help your oppinion of me but I don't think it can get much worse anyway so who really cares. All I really want is for Angela to be happy, and believe it or not, I want her to have a good relationship with her mom. The only reason your feelings towards me matter is because it matters to her.

 

 

How should I expect someone to repond to something like this?

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Since you've already sent it you're going to see how she responds (if she does)... But her mom seems like a bit of a coward.... blaming her own problems on others, and leaving the room not giving you a chance to reply is fairly bad... "Is this going to get ugly" - I suppose it's possible... But no reason for you to back off, IMHO - that would be one definition of ugliness

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I honestly feel that, as much as her mom is making you a part of the problem, you should stay out of it.

 

Your girlfriend can stick up for herself. She can work on her relationship with her mother. She can and should speak her mind to her mother since she is not a child anymore.

 

You already sent the email, so there isn't much you can do now. But I really think you should leave this between your girlfriend and her mom. Of course it can't be easy because obviously it hurts you to see your girlfriend going through this, but they really need to work on their issues themselves.

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does her mom think you have a control issue? You seemed pretty intent on making her mom see things your way, but I haven't read anything to indicate that you've actually sat down and talked to her like a man. I mean, why not just meet with her and ask her what she's afraid of? Maybe she's worried that your gf is too focused on you and not on other things, or something else like that.. I think that instead of venting at her, you should find out if she just dislikes YOU, or the situation in general.

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Meow,

 

I agree, the issue shouldn't be about me, it should be about her and her mom. But when her mom walks into the room and without having said anything esle to me, tells me that I'm the reason for all of their problems and then immedaitely runs away. That makes the situation about me too.

 

Kalika,

I agree that we should sit down and have a talk but last night when I tried to talk to her, she ran and locked herself in the bedroom. I don't think her mom thinks I'm controlling but for her to blame their problems on me obviously means she thinks I'm controling something.

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