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Drunken night with my cousin.


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no no no no no. do not admit anything to your ex. it is none of her business with who you lost it to. let your cousin tell her whatever she wants to. you cousin is trying to scare you away from this chick for some reason. deny it all. tell her "come on, you think i'd hook up with my cousin?" she'd probably say "yeah, you are right, gross." do not tell her anything. that will be just one more person that knows about this than you need to. hopefully your ex will see through your cousin and that she talks crazy and take you back. tell her you are sorry you didn't lose your virginity with her, but you will bang her lights out now.

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i didn't say to lie. if you want to tell your gf the details then go ahead. just be ready for her to leave. you said that you hooked up with your cousin numerous times after the first time. you've already messed up. you honesty is going to make or break this situation. that's all. you didn't cheat on your gf, but the scenario is sick. all i'm saying is be ready when you divulge this info to her.

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what you did when you weren't together should be none of her business. i know that your cousin might have told her, and that really sucks. it will be hard to get around that speed bump. but don't offer the information. you shouldn't feel guilty since you weren't together though.

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Okay, okay, okay......

 

First off, I respect that you want to be honest with your gf.

 

With that in mind, I suggest:

 

Asking her to go away for a night or weekend. Telling her while you're both away from the circus (your town and cousin.) And hoping and praying for the best....!

 

I know that's not very helpful but I think it will be helpful if she can't contact your cousin immediately after being told.

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Here is how I would handle this situation from here:

 

say this and only this:

 

When I told you we were on break, I thought we were over. I did not view this as any sort of cheating, as I thought we were a closed book, done for good, whatever. That said, I am sorry that I have hurt you, that was never my intention. That night, I got smashed drunk and I dont remember a thing. However I was told that I had sex that night, and I did wake up in bed with someone. I do not remember any more than that. That is the end of the story. I want to move past this, and pretend it never happened. Please dont ask me for more details, I just want to drop this whole thing and move on.

 

Never say any more about it than this.

 

I would also try to find out if its possible to report this so called shrink to any sort of association, or shrink governing body or anything like that... he sounded like a real quack.

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Rabican,

 

I could deny knowing about it except that my cousin and I have had talks about it since then and I really do know what happened. If I do get back with my girlfriend, say we end up getting married and spending the rest of our lives together... Can I really go into marriage with a lie? and from there, can I really go the rest of my life keeping a secret from the person I'm supposed to be closest to?

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it is not a lie. if you never tell her with whom you lost your virginity to, she will never know. who cares what your cousin says. deny it. you shouldn't have told her about the virginity thing anyways or that you even had sex. you already gave up too much information. you said you weren't together, so you weren't together. i'm sick of hearing 'my cousin, my cousin, my cousin'. this 'cousin' is nuts. you need to stay away from her. i have no idea why you are so hung up on this chick and your ex gf. go find another. you will be out of the situation all together. you are stuck in a situation and from what i have read all throughout this post, you are making it worse. all of the questions "how should i do this, what should i say." say nothing. it is none of her business. you are not in a lie. if you state that it really is none of her business, it really is. she will have to accept that. if she doesn't, you need a different girl anyways. have you met her first time guy and hung out with him? shake hands? take him out for a drink? geez man. move on.

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this really isn't a secret. it is a skeleton in the closet. this something that you like confess in a church in a booth or something to get off of your chest. she is going to think you are crazy if you do tell her and more than likely be gone anyways. say nothing

1) you hooked up with your cousin, SICK right there.

2) it is her friend.

most women would not forgive their man for this or their friend. she shouldn't be friends with your cousin anyways. all of these talks you are having with your cousin, blah blah, need to stop. you can't work this out with her of all people. and you are talking possible marriage with this ex gf. pffft.

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Rabican,

 

I could deny knowing about it except that my cousin and I have had talks about it since then and I really do know what happened. If I do get back with my girlfriend, say we end up getting married and spending the rest of our lives together... Can I really go into marriage with a lie? and from there, can I really go the rest of my life keeping a secret from the person I'm supposed to be closest to?

 

Read my last post. That is all you EVER SAY ABOUT IT.

 

1. I was drunk

2. I dont remember anything

3. I dont truly know what happened. I only know what I was told afterwards by someone else.

4. I dont want to talk about it, end of story.

5. You already know that I slept with someone, and Lost my virginity. There is really nothing more that we need to discuss. I just want to move on from this.

6. You can either accept #4 and #5 or not. If not, good bye. If you can accept that, then we can be together.

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also never talk to your cousin again. If your girl ever does find out about this, you are screwed if you have any sort of ongoing communication with your cousin. Itll be bad enough if she finds out. Itll be insane if she wonders if every time you talk to your cousin something is going on.

 

And listen to ghost69, he knows what hes saying. The more i read his posts... the more he sounds like me. Whats that mean? Its like were speaking the word of god, so listen to us.

 

Right ghost?

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Well, the weekend was interesting. I slept with my cousin for the last time friday and she promised it would remain between us. I told my girlfriend my recount of the story and that I don't even remember losing my virginity and I left out the parts envolving my cousin. She assumed the secret my cousin was telling her about was just that I lost my virginity. She told me that she loves me and that she want's to marry me... We eloped saturday night and she moved in yesterday. The first time we made love was as a married couple ant it was amazing and I'm glad it went that way. Anyway, thanks for all the advice guys

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I used to feel the same way about crazy weird stories like that. Until something like this happens to you, you will be cynical of stuff like it. Living it and reading it are two differant things. As I reread the thread, it definitely seems too weird to be true. But actually living the situation doesn't seem anywhere near as weird if that makes any sense at all. Whether you believe it or not though, I'm very happy with my life at the moment so I don't really need the thread anymore. Thanks for all the good advice guys!!!

 

-Andy

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yes rab. you are correct.

 

lately this sounds like you are making this situation worse andy. i think you need to find a different set of women to hang with. your cousin should realize this as well. it seems to be getting out of control now. i can't believe you slept with her again as like a partying gift. weird

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I really think we're passed it. The only small lingering problem is that my cousin has been making a habit of coming over while my wife is at work the past couple days but nothing has happened beyond a bloyjob. I told her yesterday not to come over today but I'm not sure if she'll listen. She says as long as she's gone before my wife gets home it shouldn't be a problem but I feel a little guilty even if it is just a blowjob. I also think she may try to move it on to sex again which I'm not OK with, I'm not going to cheat on my wife. I was just rambling there... I'm just saying that everyone seems pretty happy at this point so why go mess up a good thing with specifics. What my wife knows is true, she's just missing one very small part of it. I really think ghost is right on this one with keeping the secret.

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wait wait wait. don't drag me into this explanation. you need to end everything with your cousin. just a b j? geez man. her coming over an you 2 doing anything needs to stop. i can't believe you got married. you have some psychological problems man if you thought marrying this chick would solve anything. this is not where i would say keep this a secret. now you are definitely cheating. before you weren't with your gf. now you are married. i don't condone this AT ALL. i'm not one to get married yet, but maybe it will happen. when i do, nothing like this would be going on. i value people that get married. not people that are doing things like this.

 

you say everyone is happy in this situation? pffft, you tell your wife what is going on. i 100% doubt she would be happy this is happening. that's how it should be. think of how the other person would react. you think she is going to say "oh, that's cool," when she finds out. no way man. i'm almost sick to my stomach commenting on this situation. you are not getting the clues here. the picture is fuzzy to you. you took a big bucket of cow crap and dumped it on your head before. now you are just smearing it all around and making the mess worse. what happens if your wife has a kid with you? you can go to family reuinions and point out your cousin to the kid and say "this is your 2nd cousin. she was almost your mom." wow. sounds crazy, but at this rate, could happen.

 

this just an insane situation now. i feel like i'm in the twilight zone here. you have a lot to learn. if this story is true of course. it's so far fetched, it's unbelievable now.

 

rab, need the backup on this.

 

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Ghost,

 

I wasn't saying that you told me to continue with my cousin, I was just saying you told me to keep the specifics of the situation to myself. I agree with you that the crap with my cousin needs to stop, I told her that yesterday and she doesn't seem to be coming over today. As for if my stories true or not, I've got a real life friend on the board who I've talked to about the issue a few times, he's the one who got me to join up on enotalone in the first place.

 

And I'm that girl,

 

I'm not the one with the mental problem, my cousin is. I'm trying to build up some distance from her so that I can focus on my relationship... The only relationship that really matters. I really feel like I'm being judged here. You people helped me with a bad situation and got me back to a good place, I appreciate that and I view you as friends. Please don't judge me as a bad guy or a mental case.

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I agree, it's just weird because she keeps bringing up the "we're family thing". I think it would be best if we didn't spend anytime around eachother at all and she tries to guilt me saying I made the decision too and that it's not fair to her to punish her by taking her cousin away when I made the same choice she did... She's got a point, albeit a weak one. It's just that everytime I give in, she tries to turn our contact sexual and I give in more. I need to cut the contact completely and tell her that it's not as a punishment, it's just what's best for both of us. IT's just delicate because she's family she she can never completely disappear from my life.

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a lot of families have relatives that they stay away from. usually not something as crazy as a situation as this though. do not allow her to come over. if she knocks on the door don't let her in. if she keeps making things sexual, then don't let her manipulate you at all. don't help her with her problems. they are creating problems for you. this situation is getting ridiculous.

 

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