Rabican Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 If you are not getting back together with your 'ex' gf, then she has no business knowing or not. She isnt your gf, so why should she care what your sexual history is? If you do get back together with her, Id tell her that you had sex when you were broken up, and thats as far as the conversation goes. Tell her you were drunk, and dont remember anything. She deserves to know you arent a virgin if you get back together in case the girl turns up pregnant, or you get an std (get tested by the way). Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 No, it's not that I don't want your help, I'm just looking for a solution that can make everyone happy. At this point, I'm 99.99% sure that someone will be dissappointed. You have stepped in it man, you stepped in a great bit pile of it. Now you have two choices. Clean your shoes, or pretend nothing is wrong, and walk around your house tracking poop all over your carpets. Which do you do? Sure cleaning your shoes is going to be a mess, and its going to stink, but its much better than the cleanup you are going to have to do later if you pretend this is ok. My advice: Tell your girlfriend that you need a break, and need to think things over for a while and just be by yourself. Tell her you care about her, but you do not want to lead her on and hurt her further. Tell your cousin that you ended things with your girlfriend, and that you are also ending things with her. She is after all, your cousin. Tell her that as much as you enjoy the sex with her, both of you deserve more than that. A real relationship, with someone who isnt your relative, someone you dont have to hide. thereforeeee you are ending things so that you can both move on and find true happiness. For the sake of your family, deny the hell out of this if anyone ever says anything. Just hope she isnt pregnant in the next month. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 My advice: Tell your girlfriend that you need a break, and need to think things over for a while and just be by yourself. Tell her you care about her, but you do not want to lead her on and hurt her further. Tell your cousin that you ended things with your girlfriend, and that you are also ending things with her. She is after all, your cousin. Tell her that as much as you enjoy the sex with her, both of you deserve more than that. A real relationship, with someone who isnt your relative, someone you dont have to hide. thereforeeee you are ending things so that you can both move on and find true happiness. For the sake of your family, deny the hell out of this if anyone ever says anything. Just hope she isnt pregnant in the next month. GREAT ADVICE Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 nail on the head. we have all been saying this all along though. andy, don't get so mad. we are trying to put things into perspective for you. this IS 100% a bad situation. you need to get out of it. you are digging a whole and shoveling the dirt right back on top of yourself. you are getting buried. you are not as experienced in this sex/relationship world as you think. sure you like what you are doing cause you are getting your rocks off. go get them off with some other girl, whether your gf or not. you have no reference to say that your cousin is good in bed or not as you so claim. everybody says 'it feels good' their first few times. but as you have more partners, you start develop what you really like physically. the mental part comes later as you mature and learn. this relationship with your cousin is already mental. she has you all twisted up in some sick triangle effect. you need to swim out before bermuda makes you disappear. i'm not trying to joke, but do you want to be on springer? this can tear a family apart and make relatives not talk to each other. you want that? i don't want to read the whining on here when your cousin is positive for a baby. ....................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
answersguy Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Andy, At this point, you've got the right idea. You're afraid of your cousin taking it badly and hurting herself so leave that situation to a medical professional. Have her psychiatrist tell her how you feel and then talk to her about her unhealthy attachment. She needs to talk to a professional about this and may not do it on her own. As for your girlfriend, tell her you lost your virginity while apart in a moment of desparation that you don't remember. If she asks how, Ask her at that point if she still wants to be with you. if she does, then ask her if you tell her the rest if she can promise to keep it between you too. If she can do that, then tell her.Tell her about waking up the next morning and how that went and that the situation sickens you. She may want to walk away at some point and if she does, obviously you shouldn't tell her anymore than you already have. I truly believe though that a romantic relationship must be based on complete honesty, you two should be able to be partners in life without judgement. If anyone else asks about the situation I agree with the concensus here of "DENY, DENY, DENY!!!" Good luck here, it sounds like you already have the solution. -AG Link to comment
andyg Posted February 2, 2007 Author Share Posted February 2, 2007 Well, I called my cousin's shrink and told him about the events of the past few days. He told me that I did the right thing in calling him and asked if I would come to her next appointment, I told him I'd get back to him on that. Should I go? I also talked to my girlfriend and we're going to have a talk over the weekend, I told her I have alot to tell her if she still wants to get together and she assured me she does. I told her she isn't going to like any of it and she said we can work through most things... So we'll see how it goes. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Kudos to you for staying on top of this!!! I don't know.... if it would hurt to go. What do you think? Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 He told me that I did the right thing in calling him and asked if I would come to her next appointment, I told him I'd get back to him on that. Should I go? I think you did the right thing by calling the shrink, but I would definitely hesitate in going to the appointment. That is a tough call. How do you think your second cousin would react? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 I think maybe your cousin will need to see you at the appointment to fully understand and believe that this is unhealthy and that you do not want to participate in her blackmail plan.... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 i think you are doing the right thing. i think you should go to the appointment, just for the first 10 minutes or so; just so that you can explain, with professional help advising, that you care for the welfare of your cousin and that you cannot continue this expose. she will probably be emotional, but the shrink should help out in telling you and her that this isn't healthy. as for your gf, it's good that you are going to air this out. you shouldn't have to tell her everything; just that you don't remember much of the night and how disgusted you feel. i think you should leave out with who and that you hooked up with your cousin, and again, and again, etc. ...................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 Id go with her so that she knows you are well intentioned and not trying to burn her somehow by being a tattle tell. Smooth this over with her, and then bury this secret in a cave somewhere. Link to comment
andyg Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 I started to tell my girlfriend the truth and she gon incredibly pissed that I lost my virginity to another woman while we were "taking a break". The thing is, I didn't really view it as taking a break, I viewed it as we were done. Anyway, she got pissed and left telling me that she needs some time to think. She told me that it will be fine and that she'll want the details of the story later... I love her but now I'm wondering if I should even give them to her if she's going to react that way. My cousin's appointment is today at noon and I still haven't decided if I'll go or not but I'm leaning toward going. I'll update more later. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 i don't think she deserves the details. you really don't completely know them anyways, right. i mean you know who with now, but you should never let this cat out of the bag. you didn't cheat on her, so coming clean does not apply here. you need to let her make a decision to stay with you and give her space. if she stays with you great, if not, too bad. move on and never do anything like this again. stay away from family hook ups. also, i don't remember this anywhere being asked, but what were you doing drinking with your cousin that you got so messed up that this could have possibly happened? it is hard for a guy to have sex and not know the next day who it was with...especially if it was a family member. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
andyg Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 I've only been that drunk a couple of times and when I started drinking, we were at a bar trying to meet girls. I wouldn't just sit around a hotel room with my girl cousin getting drunk, I was with guy friends at a bar. Apparently my friend has these type of orgy's pretty regularly and he brings some viagra along. My cousin said he gave me one and that after kissing and touching one of the older women for a little while, I came up behind her and the next thing she knew, I was behind her and starting to go in. at first she was a little uncomfortable with the idea because it was incest and although she wanted it, she didn't want other people to know. Once I was in, she just didn't care anymore because it felt so good. She told me that if I hadn't done that, that should would have done me in the bathroom. She also told me that my guy friend tried to come behind me and make an "andy sandwhich" which kind of freaked me out about him. she said I pushed him away and told him I'm not gay, if I was conscious enough to do that, why wasn't I conscious enough to not have sex with my cousin??? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 because you have issues. you need to work on you before trying to figure out why it was with your cousin. you need some help. maybe you need to quit hanging out with friends that have orgies. this doesn't just happen. i've gone out with my cousin before and never did i think of hooking up with her. not even when wasted. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
andyg Posted February 6, 2007 Author Share Posted February 6, 2007 ?!?!?! I went to her psychiatrist who first tried to turn the situation aroung and asked why I would take advantage of her. She stepped in and said that I didn't take advantage and that it's what she wanted and that she wants it to happen more. He then asks me why this would be a problem and sugested that I not get back with my girlfriend. He said that he thinks my cousin is in love with me and that maybe I should give her a chance... Going to that appointment was an aweful idea, how does this guy have a degree? I told him that I question his degree to which he said "It's actually a PhD and I think you're being awefully closed minded for someone who slept with your cousin". I got up and walked out at that point. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 move on. pursue your gf if she lets you. stay away from your cousin. no wonder she is a bit messed up with a psych like that. ........................................................................................................................................................................................ Link to comment
andyg Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 OK... My ex called me last night and told me that my cousin called her and told her that I have a secret. Something I really need to tell her before getting back together. Could my cousin really be as cruel as to hold me to letting this evil secret out? Should I come out with it or should I just say that it's because I lost my virginity? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 no no no no no. do not admit anything to your ex. it is none of her business with who you lost it to. let your cousin tell her whatever she wants to. you cousin is trying to scare you away from this chick for some reason. deny it all. tell her "come on, you think i'd hook up with my cousin?" she'd probably say "yeah, you are right, gross." do not tell her anything. that will be just one more person that knows about this than you need to. hopefully your ex will see through your cousin and that she talks crazy and take you back. tell her you are sorry you didn't lose your virginity with her, but you will bang her lights out now. ........................................................................................................................................................................................ Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Unbelievable! I'm sorry that you had to go through that with the PhD! Or so called PhD. So does your cousin get the point? How long were you and your girlfriend together? Link to comment
andyg Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 My g/f and I were together about 8 months when we took some time apart late last month. I really don't think my cousin does get the point because she told my girlfriend that I have a secret but I guess she wants to leave it to me to tell her. I think she may be trying to torment me or something. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Too late to leave town and make all new friends and find a new girlfriend? Link to comment
andyg Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 Pretty much, I'm kind of set on staying home. And I love my girlfriend. This situation is getting pretty sticky huh? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Just trying to throw some humor in here.... I know you probably can't come close to laughing right now. Can you take her away for a long weekend? Link to comment
andyg Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 I probably could do that but then what? ghost keeps saying to lie to her... But I love her and I want her to be my best friend, how can I lie to someone that I may eventually want to share my life with? Link to comment
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