andyg Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Where to start... First off, I'm just out of a screwy relationship and trying to get better about it. My ex and I had lots of problems so I broke up with her. When we got together, I was a virgin and was saving myself for love. I fell in love with her but never crossed that physical plane even though she wanted too. When we broke up, she told me that she was glad we never crossed that line and I agreed but over time, I took her remarks personally as if saying my virginity wasn't good enough. So I wanted to get rid of it and I went out with a group of guy friends and they got me really drunk. I woke up in a hotel room the next morning with one of my friends, 4 women (two of them had to be in their late 40's, one was obscenely fat, and the other was my second cousin on my mom's side) We were all naked and when my cousin saw me in the morning she started crying, left immediately and won't talk to me. My friend won't tell me what happened and just laughs and I have no memory of it. I finally did talk to my cousin who told me that she's always wanted to have me inside of her but that she didn't realize I was a virgin until my friend told her the morning after. My cousin and my ex-girlfriend are friends and my cousin hasn't told her but I'm afraid she might. Now my girlfriend wants me back. We've only been broken up for a week and she made ammends for the problems on her end of the relationship, what should I do? Do I tell her what happened and that I'm not a virgin anymore and how I lost it? I'm going to get back with her but what do I tell her? Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I think it's okay to let your gf (if you do get back with her) know you're not a virgin. In fact, I think before the two of you become sexual together, it's important that she at least knows you've had sex before (perhaps also getting an STD test). As for the details, no I don't think you have to tell her how you lost it. I'm guessing that if you feel some sense of shame for sexing with your 2nd cousin, your 2nd cousin feels the same shame and probably won't tell your gf. Finally even if she does, the two of you were broken up at the time, and aside from knowing that you're clean, it's none of her business. Link to comment
andyg Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 I agree it's none of her business but being we were together for 8 months before I lost it and I lost it in the 1 week we were apart, she's bound to ask for specifics. Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Don't say anything. You have a right not to. It'll boil down to whether or not telling her the truth will be more trouble than keeping the "its none of your business" line. Link to comment
andyg Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 If I were to tell her, how do you think she'd respond? I know if I were in her shoes, I'd be upset and I may want her to stay away from her cousin. Unless of course it was a girl cousin, then I'd be ok with it. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Man that is one hell of a way to lose your virginity. I am a little surprised to hear there were no rubber sheets or gerbils involved. I agree with LostInMyThoughts. If it comes up I would tell her you aren't a virgin anymore, but the details aren't any of her business. Link to comment
Beec Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Excuse me, how do you really know you are not a virgin anymore? Someone told you? If you cannot even remember it, how can you say it happened? Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Excuse me, how do you really know you are not a virgin anymore? Someone told you? If you cannot even remember it, how can you say it happened? Great point Beec! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 well, you cousin or the beast never told you what happened, so technically in your mind you never did anything. no memory, no virginity lost. your gf/exgf has no business knowing about things you do when you are not together. don't tell her anything. you think she is going to fess up that she got with some other guy when you weren't together. pffft, yeah right. she shouldn't have broken up with you. why does she want to keep coming back with you anyways? she knows you are a virgin still and after 8 months, she must have needs if she isn't a virgin. i wouldn't take her back. ........................................................................................................................................................................................ Link to comment
andyg Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 No, my cousin told me what happened and apparently it was some pretty freaky stuff. I am definitely not a virgin any more. My cousin told me that she can't get that night out of her head and that even though it's wrong, she wants me again. She also told me that she's bi and that she's very attracted to my G/F. She threatened to tell her the whole story if I don't continue to have sex with her. Why is she doing this to me? Link to comment
LetThemEatCake Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Man that is one hell of a way to lose your virginity. I am a little surprised to hear there were no rubber sheets or gerbils involved.. I really fell out of my chair over that comment..... coffee out the nose.. it was priceless. As far as your cousin still wanting you, well, that is a creepy line I would make firm that I wouldn't cross again. If you girl wants details, then give them to her. You sound like someone who gets eaten up by guilt and you would b=probably spill it later anyway. Why not make a joke of it and if she freaks out on you, then better to know now than later when you wimp out and tell her..... Link to comment
andyg Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 I'm thinking about going back with my girlfriend and continuing to have sex with my cousin. I really don't want my girlfriend or anyone else to know. If my girlfriend finds out, I think she may tell my mom and it could ruin my family. Link to comment
answersguy Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Andy, I don't think that sleeping with your cousin is going to help anything. I don't think it will keep her from telling your girlfriend about the first time and it will only make matters worse if your girlfriend does find out. It goes from some crazy drunken night that you don't remember to a regular occurrence that you chose when of supposedly sound mind. Very bad idea Andy. I would also seriously recommend you take a good look at who your real friends are. Link to comment
pregnantkitty_1985 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Your cousin???! Your... COUSIN????!?!?!?! Um, is that something you are interested in pursuing? Link to comment
tropicalx3 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 maybe she thought you didn't love her? since you were saving yourself for love and you didn't have sex with her? girls tend to act mean when they're hurt. believe me. haha if you want to be with your ex, i think you should be honest. you wouldn't want her finding out from someone else would you? she will most likely be very hurt and never trust you around your cousin again. but if she finds out from someone else, it will be worse. my boyfriend and his brothers fiance [girlfriend at the time] hooked up. i didn't know my boyfriend at the time. my boyfriend had just broken up with his girlfriend of 2 years and that **** got him drunk and hooked up with him to "make him feel better". personally i think thats disgusting because she was going out with his brother. anyways i never trusted the two. it has caused a lot of problems. his brother is getting married in Dec [ to the same girl. god only knows why.] and i am not invited to the wedding because i called her a *** who blames me though? anyways .. i just wanted to give you a little insight on what could happen. how has your girlfriend felt about this cousin in the past? hopefully this doesn't ruin their relationship if they had one. and HELLO why would you get back together with your girlfriend and continue to have sex with your cousin? you do understand that you'd be cheating on your girlfriend. right? thats extremely cruel. how would you feel if you and your girlfriend broke up and in that week that you weren't together .. she slept with her cousin.. never told you .. then got back together with you and continued to sleep with her cousin. what kind of relationship would that be? .. as someone said before, put yourself in her shoes. and you said you were saving yourself for love. i dont know what happened that night but .. you said you loved your girlfriend. are you in love with your cousin? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 women want control over men. in this case it looks like it doesn't matter that you are related. she still wants the control over you. you need to stay away from her. if it gets out to your family deny the whole thing, but say you remember being wasted one night and hanging with her. it will make her look like the bad guy. it does seem like she had the whole thing set up. you got drunk, she was there, she should have held back and not taken advantage of you. Link to comment
andyg Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 My girlfriend and my cousin are close friends. If I tell my girlfriend the truth, it may ruin her friendship with my cousin and if she decides to tell my mom, it could destroy my family. I had sex with my cousin again today to keep her from talking and to be honest, it felt really good. She understands that my girlfriend and I are back together and that I haven't told her the truth. My cousin told me that as long as things stay as they are, no one has to know. My girlfriend has asked me if I'm ready to cross the physical plane with her and I told her I'm not sure. I know I will, I'm just not sure I want to do it with out her knowing the truth. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 My girlfriend and my cousin are close friends. If I tell my girlfriend the truth, it may ruin her friendship with my cousin and if she decides to tell my mom, it could destroy my family. I had sex with my cousin again today to keep her from talking and to be honest, it felt really good. She understands that my girlfriend and I are back together and that I haven't told her the truth. My cousin told me that as long as things stay as they are, no one has to know. My girlfriend has asked me if I'm ready to cross the physical plane with her and I told her I'm not sure. I know I will, I'm just not sure I want to do it with out her knowing the truth. Whew.....! Andy - how old are you and how old is your cousin? Link to comment
andyg Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 I'm 25, she's 23 and so is my girlfriend. Why do you ask? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Because this story sounds like a bizarre lifetime movie or that of a situation that only young teenagers would participate in. So you've resolved to continue having sex with your cousin. How is this going to help the situation besides prolonging your girlfriend finding out and having a lifetime full of incest / sleeping with your cousin? Here's my take on it: 1) Your girlfriend would be more understanding of a one time drunken night. Take the chance of your cousin telling her. Tell her yourself if you'd like to lessen the hit. Or deny it. 2) Cut ties with both your girlfriend and your cousin and deny it for the rest of your life. Seriously, there is no reason that anyone has to know something so wrong! Is your cousin mentally unstable? Are you thinking rationally yourself? Link to comment
andyg Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 Well, although it does sound a little odd, having sex with my cousin isn't as weird as it may sound. She's bipolar though and sometimes she seems normal, other times not so much. I know that I can't have a relationship with her but I really like having sex with her. We don't kiss, she just goes strait for my pants and climbs on. I don't know, maybe it was a bad idea to wait this long for sex because I crave it now and I know I can get it from my cousin anytime I'm turned on. My girlfriend is more like my best friend and life partner, I'm attracted to her too but don't want sext to change our relationship. I don't know, I'm confused, I like sex, I love my girlfriend, but I can't tell my cousin no. I don't want to ruin anything (friendships or family) and the current situation seems to have everyone happy. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 The current situation does not have everyone happy. The current situation is a bunch of entangled lies, a cousin that is mentally unstable and willing to blackmail you, a girlfriend that wants you to want her, and a mother that will be very upset if she finds out. Don't sugarcoat this or make excuses for yourself. Sure you had sex for the first time. You now have a situation where you can get it whenever you want or you can deny it and take the risk of your girlfriend walking away from you and you can't have it anymore from your cousin or your girlfriend. This sounds like a big, dirty, disgusting scandal to me. And I tell ya. If any guy ever, ever allowed me to believe I had his heart, body, and soul and then I found out he was sleeping with his cousin, I'd be livid. I suggest you go get tested for STD's immediately. Stop sleeping with your cousin. Find a counselor - immediately. And work on your own frame of mind and dealing with the chaos you are creating and eventually going to deserve if you don't stop it. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 i agree with thatgirl. you need to quit this immediately. it's only going to get worse. a piece of booty isn't worth it. you will find out later why. you are going to be in a world of hurt when your family finds out. you could cut it off with your cousin and keep your gf. since she is bipolar you can deny everything. best thing to do is try and hook up with your gf. maybe she will give it up to you everytime. what are you going to do when you get your cousin pregnant? your son will be your 2nd cousin. sick. i wouldn't even hook up with a family member if it was by marriage and not blood. just wrong. ........................................................................................................................................................................................ Link to comment
andyg Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 So this is how you treat people with problems? you ridicule them? Maybe it makes you feel better about yourself, I don't know. How many men everyday sleep with woman they don't care about? At least I care about my cousin, she's been suicidal before and I don't want her that way again. I'm hoping this can keep up how it is and eventually she'll get a boyfriend which would solve everyone's problems. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 How many men everyday sleep with woman they don't care about? Sleeping with a woman you don't care about is one thing. Sleeping with your cousin is something else entirely different. Link to comment
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