Fen Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 First post... but I need some third party advice from folks who know neither of us. Ok... here is the story and it is an out of the ordinary one. My girlfriend and I have only been dating for maybe 3 months now. However, we were together last year for another 3 and even the time when we were not together she usually stayed here with me. The long break had to do because she just could not get over her ex even though she knew it was over. Long story short, we are now together again, but I can't help but be jealous of this guy who she is friends with. She has mostly guy friends and while most I don't mind, there is this fellow I would just pound into the ground if I had the chance. She had not seen him for years although she knew him a long time ago. All of a sudden maybe in oh... September (we were not together then), she saw him at an outing for another of her friends who was leaving town. Anyways, she rekindled her friendship with him and all of a sudden, he is asking her to do things constantly even paying for her when they went out. She was still staying with me and I was more than a little uncomfortable with it. At one point when she said the guy had no interest in her, he invited her to his mother's birthday party ( * * *??). She went and I totally blew up when she got back. I told her it was him or me. So she said she would see him less. Anyways, she saw him less for a while and we did get back together. However now, the guy asks her out nearly each day again. All she has to do is power on her laptop and within 60 seconds he opens a chat window. I tell her it is obvious he likes her but she insists he does not. But how could he not be interested when he goes out of his way to see her. I mean if he even gets wind that she will be going out with some friends, he will just conveniently be there. Just this weekend he bought a ticket for a banquet she was going to that had nothing to do with him (I was not going as it was a business event for students to meet entrepreneurs). It is up to the point that whenever I am out elsewhere, she goes out with him or spends her evening talking to him. The worst part is he basically made a point to make friends with ALL her friends so no matter who she goes out with he has an excuse to be there. The problem with me is no matter how much I say I do not like it, she tells me it's her life and to get over it. It is causing major stress and not one day goes by that I don't think I should just dump her and get a girlfriends who doesn't spent as much time with another guy as she does with me. Now before folks jump on me, here are some things to consider : - Another of her long time friends I was jealous of and told her had feelings for her- which she of course denied- confessed his feelings for her. (gasp!) - At one point this summer, she met a guy at a bar and I told her either to get out of my life or to stop talking to him. I stopped talking to her briefly and she eventually realized he was just an idiot who wanted her body, but not before putting out to him. (double gasp!) - She hardly ever tells me she loves me even though I tell her every day how much I love her. - She has no sexual needs whatsoever. If she gets turned on once a week it feels like a miracle. She says it's all inside her but how can I not ask myself if it is just that I am not attractive to her eyes. At this point just the fact that I still love her and remain with her shows how much I care deeply for her. Could it be that my jealousy is just a feeling of inequity in myself??? Personally from the things to consider and how she gets on the defensive and spends probably as much time with this guy as she does with me , I think I am damn right to be jealous and it is just a matter of time before I get screwed over. I am at a crossroads here... I know that for a long time had I told her to choose between him or me, she would have picked me (and probably been unhappy forever), but at this point, I don't even know anymore. The worst part is she sees what this does to me but yet will only tell me to stop trying to control her. The guy knows what this does to me, she told him and well all he does is call of chat with her all the more. I would bet everything I own that within a few weeks of us breaking us should it happen he would ask her out. In fact, I sometimes wish it was so just so she could see I was right all along and even then she would probably not see it! So here I am, asking for advice... is there any chance of saving this relationship or am I just delaying the inevitable. Thanks... A very depressed guy. Quote Link to comment
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