Marriage is stressing me out!

[ender1]

I've never been one to handle stress, but after almost 2 years of marriage, I sometimes wish I were single again. Being tied down means there is just no escape from the drama, and an obligation to provide support no matter how frequent the stressors are dished out.

 

Since I've been married, i've had to deal with frequent drama between my wife and her family. I am always getting calls at work because my wife's mother, brother, dad, did this or that, or said this or that, etc... I don't have this kind of drama because I keep myself at a distance to those who are "toxic" so to speak.

 

I know life can't be picture perfect, but dang. I dunno what to do.

[Dako]

So do you ask her to not call you at work unless it's an emergency?

 

You may have married her family, but they aren't on the wedding license.

Marriage can be a symbolic time to leave the nest and cut the cord.

[anggrace]

I think thats a good idea (Dako), you should tell her how your feeling and ask her not to call unless its really important. She shouldn't pull you in to her family bickering if its stressing you out- unless its a serious matter.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

sometimes adult children don't appropriately separate from their family... i.e., they keep getting sucked into the unhealthy dynamic, and don't set the proper boundaries... her first commitment should be to the marriage and you now, and if she is constantly sucked into an unhealthy family drama, then maybe you should insist you get counseling (with her) so that she gives herself permission to not let that crazy family dominate her life, and affect your marriage because she is always dumping her emotions about them on you...

[ender1]

Good advice. I've tried to tell her this, but she thinks I'm her husband and I should support her. She is extrodinarily quick to think of herself as the victim, and I've had to be extra senstivie to show that I care. According to her NOBODY cares about her or takes her seriously. I agree with her in most cases, but when you have someone acting as if the entire family and world is against them, something just doesn't seem accurate about that, even though I don't really know the true answer, it just does not seem right from a common sense point of view. Because I am stressed out over work lately, I have been less tolerant if being told I don't love her and don't care, so now the bickering has begun without end.

[ghost69]

you need to sit her down and really explain how this is affecting your life. reassure her that she is a part of your life, but that her family not so much. you married her, not them. tell her she matters to you and that her family problems are theirs only. the only problems that she needs to be involved with her family are hers and theirs....not her brother, father, mother etc. bickering. her family needs to seek a counselor to help exclude her in the family wars. it isn't fair to you or her. it's very unhealthy and will eventually end up in divorce. i wouldn't take it, i know that. if you explain to her that it could lead to then end of you and her, because she doesn't put her foot down with her family, it would help. she does have her own life and it is with you. from what i know, i marriage is building together as a couple, not a group. a group is when you have kids. it does not include all of the problems with outside family members.

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