Jump to content

I just can't get over what she did


redpoppy99
 Share

Recommended Posts

A girl I was very good friend's with had an abortion (over a year ago). It is something I do not agree with but I tried to help her, I tried not to judge. I was there for her home pregnancy test, I took a day off work to go to the doctor's with her... I also tried to persuade her not to do it- she was already 5 months pregnant. I told her she could live with me for free, I told her I would do anything and I would have. I tried to talk her into putting her baby up for adoption instead. I know she was torn (she and her b/f were on the verge of breaking up before they found out about the pregnancy) but I feel she made a selfish decision- she was just about 6 months pregnant when she went through with the abortion- and I don't think a pregnancy means people HAVE to be together or HAVE to get married and I had told her I would be there for her for everything and anything, minus the abortion of course. I don't think of her the same way- I don't hold it against her, I don't throw it in her face everyday but I can't be her true friend again. She is very mad at me because she says I abandoned her and I am mad at her because she only sees her side of this whole thing. Had I not been so involved in everything, it might be different. On one hand, I feel bad and know what she has to live with is just about punishment enough but on the other, it WAS her decision and she had TONS of people offering their help and I just can't ignore what I think. We barely talk anymore and when we do, it's more fighting with each other than anything else. Part of me still wants to help her but I'm not sure how I would and she can be the type of person who doesn't want help, who seems more content to be miserable if that makes sense.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When friends make a moral decision with which we disagree we basically have two alternatives. We can decide that the choice they made is so out of line with our own moral framework that we can no longer be friends with them in good conscience. Or we can decide that the demands of friendship outweigh the conduct and decide to put that in the past and continue to be friends.

 

Either alternative is legitimate but one should be followed. Trying to combine the two just doesn't work.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that the true mark of friendship is not to judge your friends. If something is morally repugnant to you to such a degree, then maybe you should stop trying to be friends. Because I think your attitude is adding to your friend's hurt, and it's somethign that matters deeply to you.

 

I have my own views about a LOT of things in life (as do we all), and negotiating these with real life is difficult and hard. About striking the balance between being true to your beliefs, and not being judgemental towards others when it's really not your role to judge.

 

Think about it long and hard - if you are always going to be judging your friend and finding her wanting, for both your sakes I think you should part. It's not healthy for either of you.

 

Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

dont blame her for getting an abortion. i may be extremely young to voice my opinion on this stuff but yea... anyways, u cant blame her, if she knew she wasnt ready to have a child, if she got pregnant on accident, than shes obviously not mature or responsible enough to care for a child... plus theres the finacial problem. and theres the relationship with her bf problem...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes it hurts me, too, to hate her. We have mutual friends and it makes it harder. She has known these people longer so I feel they are loyal to her and it affects my friendship with them. Part of me feels like I should just be her friend but part of me feels that would be against what I think. When we do hang out, she talks about it and I do not know what to say. I feel like she is pushing me, seeing how far she can go or perhaps she says it to see if I will say I've forgiven her. I am a stubborn person and I rarely disregard my beliefs for anything. I still care for her well-being but I don't know how I could help her. What would be more right? Forgetting how I feel or forgetting her?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she is making you uncomfortable, don't sacrifice yourself to try to feel like you're doing the correct thing. You don't have to stay in a friendship that contravenes your moral beliefs. You can wish her well and wish her goodbye.

 

It's not your job to take care of her ok. Don't take it all on yourself, you'll just end up stressed out and feeling bad.

 

That said, if she is dwelling on the abortion, maybe you could recommend that she goes to see a therapist for a few sessions to deal with it. Really, that's all you can do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah its against what you believe in then just be friends if you can and remember it was her hard choice she had to make. Talk to her about it, tell her how you feel and that you would perfur it if she wouldnt bring it up when your with her

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...