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Well, it's started to get dirty now

She texted me at work asking if she could come to house to talk (she wants it sold asap so she can have her 'cut'). I texted back saying "I'd rather you didn't. The jobs will be done. You have to have patience". Well, she kicked off big style. "Just because I don't want us to get back together!....I have to make all the sacrifices!!" etc.

By now, I'm seething, so I text her one last time to say "you think I want you back? It was all your 'issues' that were the problem. If you want to sell the house now, get some estate agents in to value it"

I was doing so well too

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Phew. What an evening. Spoke to my sister on the phone. She's a psychologist. She thinks my ex is acting very childishly. She hated my no contact and forced it herself. Afterwards, she sends me a couple of catty, hurtful texts. What is wrong with her!? I haven't been that bad to her. I wanted to do the house so she would get more money out of it. Now, it's going on the market as it is.

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So distressed. I now know it is over. I have accepted the fact. But, flook!, is it hard work. Never have I felt this much pressure in my life. I'm starting to look forward to the move forward now. House is no longer a home. It's a burden. I so wanted to not become angry or bitter. SoooOOoooo hard

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well, look at it this way... if she won't wait til you have a chance to fix it up, then her cut of the money will be less... she will just have to take what she gets, and if she complains, you can say, well, you're the one who wanted it rushed on the market!

 

i know this is hard for you, but sometimes when someone is being as rude and inconsiderate as she is, best to resolve the situation as quickly as possible so you can get her out of you life and move on...

 

take your half of the profits and buy some peace of mind and freedom for yourself from the witch!

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So distressed. I now know it is over. I have accepted the fact. But, flook!, is it hard work. Never have I felt this much pressure in my life. I'm starting to look forward to the move forward now. House is no longer a home. It's a burden. I so wanted to not become angry or bitter. SoooOOoooo hard

 

 

If its any consolation the anger will probably make it easier to move on. I know it did with me when a similar thing happened to me.

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Wowsers! I thought today would be quieter. Serves me right. She has told my sister that she is going to a solicitor. She wants to move back in until the house is sold. She called me an "arrogant, petulant child" because I don't want to talk to her, unless it's about the house. I am like

;-)

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oh no! sounds like she is scratching her mad spot and itching for a fight! if she is getting a solicitor, you should get one too to protect yourself...

 

she may be deciding possession is 9/10ths of the law and wants to be in the house to try to get it in the divorce, or be sure that you don't get it... also, if she left before, you could charge desertion in the divorce, and if she is back, that muddies the water...

 

so best to get your own solicitor right away and get advice on how to handle her... if she moves back in, it might be very unpleasant for you if she is determined to be mean or aggressive about it.

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If you are paying the mortgage, and she is living there, will she ever have incentive to leave? Once she is back in, she may decide she doesn't want to sell (since you are paying the mortgage), or be terrible to prospective buyers so that no one will buy it and she gets to live there rent free...

 

If you want, only pay HALF the mortgage, since you have half ownership... if you are not married, then you have no responsbility to her if she left, and she should get used to being financially responsible for herself.

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So. She's in the house when I get home tonight. No words spoken when I enter. I make a cuppa and sit down and drink it and have a cig. I walk into her room and tell her what's going to happen. It's a business arrangement until the house sells. I will not keep her. All the upkeep bills are to be added up and divided in half. She agrees. I'll be nearly £300 a month better off ;-)

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I just lost it with her. Had a right go. She had said earlier that she didn't have any money to help with the mortgage yet but she was hoping to have some soon. We had a terse conversation, niggly, petty squabbling etc. Then I let her have it. Said that I wanted a better deal then 50-50 split. Also said I thought she was evil for returning to the house. Just because she was finding it hard at her mums. SHe's put me back to the very beginning now

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Have you seen the american film 'War of the Roses'? about a couple who both refuse to give in on a house and possessions? people end up fighting over possessions when what they are really fighting over is anger at the failed relationship.

 

really, please try not to engage in battles with her, and do everything you can to sell the house quickly. as you can see, it is much better with no contact, and fighting with her and making threats to take more than 50/50 will only make it worse...

 

put all you energies into winding up things and getting out, since continued squabbling will just make it harder on you, and her less likely to contribute.

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BeStrongBeHappy: You are right. I have since calmed down a lot. I know that my outburst was because I was venting my hurt at her.

I do hope the house sells quickly. I'm going to look at some rental properties tomorrow out of the city I live in. It'll actually be closer to were I work, and the chances of bumping into her will be practically 0. Man!, I hurt!! ;-)

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yes it is so hard to break up a long partnership, but really, think what a load of stress off your life it will be to just have a cup of tea and sit down and not have someone in the house making you miserable! better to be alone, than in a situation where you are filled with anxiety and rejection in your own home...

 

best of luck, there is ALWAYS a new life, and a better one than being with someone who makes us miserable! the transition is really hard, but peace of mind is worth it....

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BeStrongBeHappy: Thanks for your encouraging words. Much appreciated.

Firstly, I have to cope with the final stages of this relationship. It's killing me. She moved back into the house on Wednesday. On Friday, she came into my room and said she was stuggling to find her half of the mortgage for this month but that she would get it. We started talking and I lost it a bit. Calling her evil for putting me through this torture. Said if she cared one bit for me she wouldn't be in the house. Told her I loved her to bits but also hated what she was doing to me.

So Saturday was a very 'cloudy' day for me. I went to look at a house to rent. Very nice it was. Thing is, I couldn't cope with trying to keep two places going. My ex and I aren't speaking at all now. Stuck in a limbo world. hate it.

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The past week...She still hasn't paid her half of the mortgage. Being so weary of it all, I said I'd take it out of the profits of the house, when it's sold.

(The house is up for sale now. I was staggered at how much the valuer put on it. £50k more than I thought).

I had my first counseling session on Thursday. I was as honest as I could possibly be. Loads of 'issues' came up. I have never really got over my mum leaving when I was 7 years old. Lots of other thins came up that we'll talk about in future sessions. It really surprised me how much I wept once I got home (I did cry a little bit in the session). Did feel better though.

My ex is still in the house and it's still unbearable. She's took to coming into my room, sitting next to me on the sofa, asking if I want some food etc. Last night she did the same thing but continued to just sit there and not say anything. I asked her if she had something to say to me and she replied "I just wondered how you're feeling today". Then she goes back to the he doesn't exist mode. The counselor agrees with everyone else about the situation. She thinks my ex has/is acting childishly, selfishly, sending mixed messages and doesn't understand why she is still in the house. I wanted to reach out and hug her last night but I don't think I could have coped with her pulling away. sigh.

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