I couldn't do it... what now?

[warhuhwow]

I've had a friend for a decade that I've only seen a few times in the last few years as we're at universities an hour or so apart.

 

I went to visit her for the first time in a year back in November and guess what? Feelings developed. I didn't make a move as I was incredibly confused about my feelings towards my ex.

 

She came here to stay a night in December but I didn't do anything as the opportunity never really came up.

 

Then I went to see her this past weekend. I was determined to make a move, or tell her how I felt. Everything was going well...

 

...and I didn't do anything. I was too afraid I guess. Maybe nervous is a better word. Even when I had hugely blatant opportunities - such as when I was drunk (=without inhibitions) and we were alone and she was telling me how special I am - I did nothing.

 

There was another big reason - another of her friends recently admitted feelings for her. Everybody was joking about that, and apparently someone does that just about every week with her. Pretty offputting in my situation, right? Being all "haha that's funny... hey I like you too".

 

So yesterday I was decided: When I get home, I'll back off, not initiate contact and move on. Then that night, we were talking and the topic turned to really really serious things. She was having trouble getting words out. I gently stroked her hair. There was a silence of several minutes before I said her name - she had fallen asleep. She wasn't even tired a few minutes before. She was obviously very comfortable with me stroking her hair. I don't know if that actually means anything at all but it's flicked a switch in my head and now I know: I DEFINITELY NEED TO DO SOMETHING.

 

As far as I can tell, I have three options:

 

-tell her. Whether that be just admitting it and facing the indignity of being another guy that likes her, or saying it in a "I don't expect anything to come of this, I just need to get it off my chest" kind of way. I really wanted to do it in person, I still think that's kind of crucial, but I seem to be unable to.

 

-back off, don't initiate contact and move on.

 

-do the sneaky thing and question her friends on what they think! Almost certain they'd tell her I contacted them though.

 

So yeah. I feel stuck. Maybe it's because the weekend's only just ended and I'm back home now and confused. Help!

[honeyspur]

Just do it - tell her and move through the anxiety. Don't live with regrets - you are strong enough to deal with the rejection. My guess is, she'll either be interested too or tell you no in a very kind way.

[pinkelephant]

Yea, do it. If your friendship was anything worthwhile, you guys can come back as being friends regardless of the outcome - even if it may be a little awkward at first. Goodluck.

[Beec]

Don't tell her, that's my first comment.

 

BUST A MOVE. When you see her, get in both of you in a slightly drunken inebriated state and bust a move.

 

If you want some confidence, study up on body language first, so you canr ead hers. It will probably tell you that she is interested.

 

And are any of those guys who told her how they felt with her?

[Honey Pumpkin]

BUST A MOVE. When you see her, get in both of you in a slightly drunken inebriated state and bust a move.

 

Beec is absolutely right - that has been my tried and tested seduction technique all my life. It's not great, but at least you can blame the booze afterwards. Go for it - life's too short to live with 'what ifs'

[warhuhwow]

That was my plan all along - to make a move, not to tell her. Actions way better than words. That's why I feel it's crucial to do things in person etc.

 

She doesn't drink. However, two nights ago it did seem like she was pretty eager for me to get drinking. And when I was drunk and she was telling me how special I am, well I wonder to myself now how I DIDN'T make a move then.

 

As for her body language, well I could list all the signs but ultimately they all suggest one thing: I'm either an incredibly good friend, or she feels the same as me. The thing with stroking her hair and falling asleep is a pretty good indicator of things. Dang.

 

None of the alleged guys that cue up to make a move are with her. She has never had a boyfriend before.

 

I don't know when I'll see her again, seeing as we live far apart. Probably sometime in February.

 

Gah, I'm so mad for not making a move.