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Oinuma
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All right, I love my boyfriend to death and everything, but he has a bad habit of...being overly blunt about certain things, I guess? One case in particular, last night, upset me. We were in bed together, idly talking before going to sleep, and somehow the topic of one time when he was in the hospital for possible testicular cancer (around five years ago) came up. He was talking about how a nurse had been examining his, well, balls (lol) and he had popped a boner during the examination. Giggling, I asked what the nurse's reaction had been to this. He responded that she had laughed and said something about "typical sixteen year old boys". I figured this had embarrassed him, so I replied that the nurse hadn't teased him like that. It was his next statement that upset me.

 

Something along the lines of, "No, I didn't mind. I actually thought that she was pretty hot, and that's why I got a boner."

 

...Okay. I don't care about the fact that he's found other women attractive before. It would be kind of ridiculous for me to expect me to be the only woman who's ever given him a hard-on before. But here's the thing - I don't want to know about it! All it does is make me feel insecure and stupidly jealous.

 

He could tell something had upset me, and urged me to tell him what it was. But of course, in typical guy fashion, as soon as I did actually work up the courage to tell him about how I felt, he seemed to get angry and replied that it was too late to be talking things like that out, and we would talk about it tomorrow.

 

Should I even bother bringing the issue back up when I see him again? Or would it be ridiculous of me to cause a possible fight over something that seems kind of silly? Let me set one thing straight - it's not that I expect him to never find another woman attractive, or anything like that. It's just that I don't necessarily want to know about it! Am I just being overreactive, since this "nurse situation" which he brought up was something that happened in the past? Any advice on how to handle the situation would be very helpful, thank you.

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He was 16 years old, that should be enough explaination!

 

He probably never had a girl near that area before. It was new for him and maybe his thoughts got carried away thinking about the excitement of having a girl (even a nurse who definitely wasn't doing anything sexual..) down there.

 

If you don't want to hear this stuff, let him know.

 

He was a young teenage boy back then. I hate to say it, but at that age, a lot of things excite them. Don't let it get to you. It has nothing to do with anything anymore. It's not like he's going back to that nurse..

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I think I know what you mean... you want him to be more polite and considerate of your feelings instead of him just saying whatever pops into his head. If thats what it is I dont think you can really change him because its just his personality. I dont know. But I guess it wouldnt hurt to ask him to if its really upsetting you.

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I feel like I might not have made myself clear enough - the issue for me isn't what happened with the nurse (it was five years ago, he was sixteen, etc...I understand, it doesn't upset me). What bothered me is the fact that he feels it's all right to bluntly tell me these things. Sometimes there are things that go better left unsaid or untold. I just found it rude that he was so casually telling me about this. I would never be like "Yeah, a few years ago I found some guy seriously hot and it got me really excited" because that's just being inconsiderate of my boyfriend's feelings - there's no need for him to hear about things like that. But now I'm wondering how I go about asking my boyfriend to cut back on all the "TMI" without pissing him off or making him feel like I'm overly-insecure, you know?

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I don't think you will get your point accross without telling him that it bothers you.

 

But, if you didn't want to hear about it, why did you keep the conversation going about it? I mean, you asked what the nurse's response was, and then said the part about the teasing.

 

I think you have every right to not want to hear about these things. I don't blame you either. But if you really don't want to know about it, whenever he brings it up, like when he said "I got a boner from a nurse", just laugh it off and say "ok, I really don't want to hear about this". Don't go into questions, cause that will only lead to details that you don't want to hear.

 

It was inconsiderate on his part, but I don't think he said it to make you mad, I think he just said it in response to what you said.

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If it's his personality to be open and honest about these things and you don't want to hear it, you're going to have problems. You're either going to have to accept that he loves you and that is who he is, or you're going to have to seriously examine things long term. Making him bottle up all of those thoughts is eventually going to drive him nuts.

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