Anger??

[martial]

Is it normal for me to be in the stage right now where I am so angry for how I am being treated right now. Is it wise to let it be known to my ex how angry and hurt I am and it is for the things she did to me in the last bit and how insensitive and ignorant and selfish they were....Or do I just let it pass...? And How can I be angry and still want her at the same time??

 

Advice?

[rsxguy520]

YES it is normal to be angry right now. in my opinion deal with the anger, but! you don't need to show it to them. it part of the heal process, anger, denial, acceptance, etc.

 

When i went through the anger stage of my break up i was always fustrated but you'll realize if you show them their that you're angry, it won't really do you anything. Either they can feel guilty, or be whatever and keep walking away. just take sometime and the anger and fustration you are or have built up will vanish quickly.

[Ellie2006]

Hi there Martial,

 

I do think anger is a natural emotion that comes w/ a breakup; for some people, this anger is directed toward self, for others, toward his/her ex.

 

And just bc you're angry w/ the ex, it does not mean you're not mourning the loss of a relationship, wouldn't you say?

 

In any event, although anger might be a typical response after a break-up occurs, I do believe it is very important that we channel that anger towards a constructive end.

 

In other words, simply allowing anger to consume us would not be helpful for us at all; I may be stating the obvious here but I do believe that utilizing our anger as a source of power to propel us towards healing and to a better "us" is a more effective use of that powerful emotion.

 

I am sorry my response has not been much of an advice

My point, I suppose, is: it is okay to allow yourself to be angry but please do not allow this anger to overwhelm or consume you. Easier said than done, I know, but letting go is sometimes the biggest gift you can give yourself.

 

Re: telling your ex about how angry and hurt you are: unless you are *certain* that they will respond in a sympathetic and apologetic manner (which, unfortunately, is rarely the case), then I would advise against it. Their response may end up aggravating the situation even further.

 

I am glad that you are receiving treatment right now.

 

Hang in there and best of luck to you!

[breeze33]

 

Re: telling your ex about how angry and hurt you are: unless you are *certain* that they will respond in a sympathetic and apologetic manner (which, unfortunately, is rarely the case), then I would advise against it. Their response may end up aggravating the situation even further.

 

 

I agree. And this is from experience.

 

whatever you do, don't tell them how angry you are. I wrote an angry email to my ex a couple of years ago. It was long and took a lot of my time and energy to compose it. And you know what he did? Absolutely nothing. I felt terribly foolish and wished I hadn't pressed that SEND button. It gave him more power over me.

 

write a letter how angry you are but don't mail it. Write it, throw it away but do not ever send it. A journal is nice to keep because it releases your emotions and you can look back and see how far you have progressed.