Break-up Sex

[breeze33]

I broke up with ex over a month ago because we were fighting a lot and things were cooling off. We had the talk where I opened up how I felt for the first time in our relationship and that this could be the end. we cried, hugged and kissed and then we had the most passionate love-making that lasted until the morning. I almost felt like the feelings were strong enough that we could work things out. It was amazing, we never had this much passion in our 2 year relationship.

 

In the morning, the sad reality was that we did break up. It was sad because I almost felt that there could be hope that we could work things out. Unfortunately, he did not think so and we broke up for good.

 

Was this a form of closure? A way of saying goodbye? I felt slightly used when he left. I never broke up with someone this way. It's usually an argument, a talk and then off we go.

 

I haven't talked to him since.

He emailed me once saying he was crying and he missed me but I have applied NC.

[disgruntledbaker]

the healthiest way to leave? no...

 

the most possible closure? absolutely not...

 

but i've lived through something similar to this, and i thought it was the best way i've ever left a relationship. it was with the only girl i ever could say i "loved," and despite being totally devistated about the break up (partly because of how passionate we felt right up to the end and how well we "fit" together), i've never been able to look back on an ex so warmly.

 

theres no rule that says you need to hate, or stop loving the ex. it makes moving on a hell of a lot harder if you don't, but the memory of it all so vivid and intense more than makes up for what i felt was lost.

 

you're in for rough times, but in the coming weeks there will be moments when you will consider yourself very lucky for the way things ended. you'll see.

[breeze33]

thanks, disgruntled, for your input.

 

we really loved and liked each other very much and we fit just like you said you felt about your ex but certain obstacles outside of us got in the way.

 

sometimes I feel if I had emailed him that I wanted space, it would have been an easier way to go but I felt I owed it to him to talk to him in person out of respect. Who knew what would have happened. Sometimes things just happen. And I think he realized he had taken me for granted.

 

There are nights when I think about being close to him because it does leave me with memories of the last encounter. That's when I really miss him.

 

I don't think we can hook up again. it's beyond repair and I won't go back. But knowing that he will think warmly of me, makes me feel better and because of that, I think I can move on a little more easier than being bitter.

[disgruntledbaker]

nothing is beyond repair... but the sort of repairs that have to be done, you must do to yourself. you can't change him or the both of you, only you.

 

take this time to take care of yourself, don't make any sort of attempt to push him in any way (so i guess that means go NC), and in a few months you never know what can happen. no matter what comes out of it, you'll be ok because you're preserving yourself.

[savoie]

My bf and I broke up 2 weeks ago. It had alot to do with outside pressures for us both and, as a result, we were having frequent confrontations. For whatever reason, while communicating about getting our things back to each other - the conversations would turn highly sexual. This went on for 5 days! We expressed to each other how attracted we are with one another. It got way too intense and finally - he came over this weekend and it happened. I'm not sure how I feel about it right now. It was good to have his arms around me again - but I think deep down I am hoping that this reconnect meant something more than sex to him. In my gut I think it did - but I don't know if it was enough for him to want to try at our relationship again - which is really what I want - to try again....and yes he knows this. I really wish that I had made him a bigger priority..........now, I am afraid it's too late.

[disgruntledbaker]

i'm not the greatest authority on this matter... i think my greatest contribution has already been made, and thats if a sexual encounter is your "goodbye", then theres no more fond way to look back at a relationship than to remember that last goodbye...

 

but when it comes to sex confusing the issue of back together or stay apart... its just that. confusing. there is always an emotional aspect to sex, no matter what your gender or how much you care for the other person. it always changes the dynamics of a relationship... but it by itself is never enough to mend a broken relationship. not by a long shot. believe me, i know. if you go into an experience like that expecting things to come out perfect in the end, you will be disappointed. if you go into an experience like that expecting to enjoy your time and have no hopes of reconciliation afterwards (and this is tough, but not impossible), then you won't be disappointed.

 

so i'd say, if you're hoping to get back together, leave sex out of the equation. if it's already been included, then its up to you to decide if you want it included again until the matter is decided one way or another. typically, its a bad idea... but once again, i know people that are quite capable of having sex without letting it drastically affect their emotional state... not common, but possible. if you're not one of these people, you can't read into the sex thing.

[savoie]

well - i let him know that while i enjoyed our time together last weekend - i have decided that i didn't want to participate in that kind of a relationship. i also said that i didn't want to turn any memories of us into something less meaningful.

 

he said that he agreed........and we both acknowledged that in doing what we did - ended things much more positively rather than bitter. that matters to me.

[disgruntledbaker]

good

 

now "stick to your guns"