Jump to content

Complete disrespect.


Recommended Posts

Maybe I should just stay out of the situation, but I can't watch it and NOT do anything...


I moved back into my mother's house a few months ago, she wants me here and I need the moral support. I'm about to have my first child and want to be here to do it.


My brother and his family is living here and has been for the past couple years. My mother wants them out but they manage to make things work and liveable. However my brother is planning on moving out to a different state shortly. I REALLY hope this happens.


Anyways, the more I'm here, the more upset I am with how their entire family treats my mother. She is a wonderful lady who will do anything to help anyone, and it's obvious she's been taken advantage of by them. They basically have refused to pay any rent or help out with any bills (I GLADLY stepped in to help her, she's in over her head), and they make her feel bad in her own home. Their children constantly interrupt her and things like that, and if she speaks up, my sister-in-law glares at her and basically tell the kids that they should be listening to their parents only, and they can disregard whatever their grandmother says.


I have stayed out of these things for the most part, since I just came into the situation and it's been going on for years. But today was a breaking point.


My mother and I were watching a movie, when their entire family came in. My mom paused the movie to talk to them for a few minutes, then things got calmed down a little bit and she started it up. The children kept talking over her and interrupting her, and finally she said "can you guys see that I'm trying to watch this movie?" and my sister-in-law BURSTS into the room screaming at the kids to get out of the house, and she slams the door. My brother looked confused and put his food away and grabbed the baby and the children's coats, then they all left.


I don't know what to do. My mother is constantly devestated and spend all her time locked in her room, after she works a full day just to end up spending all her money on bills and the house so all of us can live comfortably. I do help, but my brother lost his job and isn't planning on getting a new one til they move.


They are due to come home soon, and I can't even stand to be in the same room as her because she disrespected my mother so terribly, but I don't know if it's my place to say anything...


Any suggestions?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmmm what have you said to your mom?? Have you asked her if she FEELS disrespected? Is she a NON confrontational person? I know my mom is a LOT like your mom. She gives and gives and gives..and gets walked on. I understand how you feel.....and why you feel the need to defend her.


Rather than tell them they are being direspectful...maybe ask what the problem is? This might lower their defenses..and if they think you are butting in, then explain that you feel they are being disrepectful to your mother...but explain WHY. Some people have NO clue about how they treat people..or simply don't care....so that's how I might handle it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey BTR,


It does sound as though your mom is being taken advantage of, but it is only because she is letting your brother and his family walk all over her.


If she wants the situation to change, she has to lay down the law. She needs to call a family meeting and tell them that as adults who are living in her house they need to contribute, both financially and with sharing of household work and chores. There is no reason they cannot and should not be paying rent, unless your mother is letting them get away with it.


It's one thing to help them when they are down and out and really need it, but this has been going on for months now and they could well be assisting her financially and with work around the house.


Have you tried talking to her about this?


You seem close with your brother, what about talking to him yourself?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I too think you should ask your mom how she feels about this. Maybe she thinks she's being unreasonable if she says anything. She may just need some back up from you.


I think it is utterly rude and appaling that not only your brother but his entire family are living with your mother and not even contributing a cent. I realise that sometimes there are difficult money issues but even if this is the case, they can at least treat her with the respect she deserves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Im sorry but you DO have a say in that. That is your mother! Noone should disrespect her, especially your brother! I would flat out tell them to off and to treat her with the respect she deserves. Talk to your mother about it as well. Tell her to stick up for herself. That is her house and she is doing them the favor of letting them stay there for those many years. That is just rude, im still in shock. My sister used to disrespect my mother and father all the time. And i constantly gave her a piece of my mind. Some people are just so ungrateful.


I agree with hope as well. she needs to form a family meeting and lay down the law. If she is to scared to start a meeting, than you start it off and help her along the way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...