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Rant: "Does anyone else in here feel the way I do..."


Underdelusion
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Who has longed for a sincere friend from afar? Surely with so many billions out there, there's some few who are honest, sincere, and just want to share their recollections and fantasies with someone who feels the same way, and will appreciate them all?

 

I am but a married, middle aged person (BTW, is gender really an issue anymore?) who has no close friends and a few distant acquaintances, but none of whom who can discuss the things that are not on the surface; the living dreams of life. While being married provides unlimited security and a guaranteed best friend, there's always a "wall" of some sort that separates the person from the mind...

 

And it's not just lack of friends, or no couples to hang with, nor the whole sex-for-fun thing (that's been around for almost a half of a century ) it's the person; the mind, the beliefs, the desires, the realities of everyday life. How soes one so "lost" know where to venture?

 

Why are so many of us isolated in our realities? I see plastic people on TV playing in their plastic worlds, and elsewhere, the solace of a stranger's eyes (are they longing for contact or forbidding the approach?) and the simulation of sincerity everywhere all around me. Occasionally a connection is made, but generally, it falters, like some brilliant firework in the night...

 

Is it me, or what we have been told to believe - and expect? (...Leaving only stale smoke, and another attempt, sometime at a later date.) Wouldn't it be nice to find a few friends who can share life, lives and longings; if even only via the keyboard?

 

Yea, do a blog, or start a webpage, I hear. Well I have; you find only the same insincerities of wanna-bees, and failed, fragmented folks who love the security of secrecy. (Truth? Egad, the horror!) Sometime with diligence, you may find someone of like mind, but like in the "car show" of life, it's always the red convertible car that gets the attention, and whatever awards are offered... Is it only a dream? Only a figment?

 

Bitter, maybe. Sincere, yes, as best as I can...

 

Constructive comments, suggestions, ridicule, and smarmy comments are all welcome. Some will be addressed, some will be ignored, and anyone who wants to delve further can email me, or send some intangible support my way.

 

Thank you for your time. End of rant.

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Welcome aboard the S.S. eNotAlone, Underdelusion. I completely follow what you're saying, and wish you the best of luck in finding like-minded friends of sincere character. They certainly do exist, and this very website is not an unlikely place to bump into more than a few. In fact, I dare say that a preponderance of ENA members fit that description well.

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Really, long distance friendships are the same as long distance relationships, even if you talk to eachother all the time and share everything, it's not the same as being face to face. That said, all my close friends live far away and I only really get to talk to one of them, and lately I haven't been able to talk to her much.

 

By the way I like the pink floyd reference

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Solace from afar - a possibility? [ruminates, ponders, scratches anatomy, sighs]

Hmmmmm.

Let me, with a wealth of first-hand experience in this area (and with strong cautionary undertones!), assure you that, to good effect or bad, long-distance friendships can be a more more highly potent force than might be evident to the non-initiate at first blush.
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By the way I like the pink floyd reference

 

Yea... and all I see is me.

 

“Strangers passing in the street

By chance two separate glances meet

And I am you and what I see is me.

And do I take you by the hand

And lead you through the land

And help me understand

The best I can”

 

"The Return of the Son of Nothing" R. Waters, 1970

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As one who 'came of age' in those times, (Class of '81), it is understandable that some of those snippets of pop culture, and more-than-a-few relics from that culture below the surface have made a deep impression in my persona.

 

It's just a bit ironic that it (the Darkside of the Wall) seems to play out as it was presented, even if a serious effort is made to change the outcome. I have studied many areas of the "human condition" from neurochemistry, faith and cultures, to animal behaivour and instinct, to age and gender roles, and, yes, have self experimented in modifying some of those on myself. But the end result still seems to be me. (Hey, stop singing that song about the lunatic!)

 

I need no god or spirit to guide or direct me, I trust but verify, I reject societal forms of abuse and domination, follow no flag (but burn none either) and try to leave the day as I entered it. I can be offensive when defense is an option, and be passive when others may rebel. My sense of hope in the future is as neutral as my normal mood, and look at life as just something that exists - thereforeeee I try to be good, feel good, and adapt.

 

The thought of having to pay to be entertained disgusts me, and yet, on my own (when I am) there's little that can be done that's without barter. Of course the power, the books, the hardware (Linux is free!), the muses, the occasional justified thrills must be bought, but beyond that this "material world" is just that to me.

 

Somehow there must be a state of bliss that can be shared, remembered, and occasionally repeated....

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