Please help me make my idea better

[caliboy_2007]

Hello everybody,

Me and my GF have been together for 25 months and tomorrow is our our 26th month's anniversary. I want to make it as special as I can afford for her so I went to this outlet mall that she likes and we go together usually that is about 60 miles away from her house tonight (of course without her knowing) and picked up a gift for her.

We celeberate our anniversaries monthly and I know this is not like the 24th month or something very different but I just want to make it different out of the blue and tell her what she means to me so her it goes,

 

Here is my idea that I need your help on to make it better:

 

I will be calling her work tomorrow and talk to her friend, I arrange with her friend to take the gift from me and take it to her desk as she goes out for lunch. When she comes back, I want her to see the gift. What do you guys think? ALso, about the gift, I wanted to wrapp her gift into a complete simple white paper and with 26 roses write "4 U". I thought about "LOVE YOU" with the heart sign but that was kinda girly so I thought 4U would be good.

Thank you everybody.

[heloladies21]

I know this isn't exactly the topic of the thread, but your gf is going to dump you/cheat on you again. You exhibit typical "nice guy" (fake guy/doormat) behavior and this will ultimitely be your undoing in relationship after relationship till you get it solved.

[caliboy_2007]

I know this isn't exactly the topic of the thread, but your gf is going to dump you/cheat on you again. You exhibit typical "nice guy" (fake guy/doormat) behavior and this will ultimitely be your undoing in relationship after relationship till you get it solved.

 

Thank you heloladies21 but, I am not fake.

 

when I think about it, you're right to a certain point but, the more I think about it I don't understand how she could think that. I have changed a bit too, I'm not needy anymore, not sticking to her alot (not at all), I have really changed my behavior, and most importantly I have changed it for myself, not for winning her. I have my good career now, going to school, good family background. I just hate to be faking everything, like not giving my all to her. How can I expect her to give her all if I'm not. I'm Confused how you see her going away again. Could you please explain. Thanks.

[heloladies21]

OK, this is good that we can get into a conversation about this. You have an open mind so there's hope for you yet

 

So the jerk thing is such a common response to when a nice guy gets criticized. And I understand the reason why. They see all these girls who can't get enough of these jerks, thereforeeee being a jerk must be what keeps them interested, right?

 

Not exactly. It's not the abuser, cheating sides of a guy that girls are drawn to, it's the fact that jerks aren't afraid to show how they feel at all times. Like a nice guy will hold in negative emotions such as jealousy and anger, even when they are warrented. Like a nice guy will get disrespected and just keep his mouth shut. A jerk on the other hand will draw a line very immediately that she cannot cross, and will not hesitate to address any kind of situation.

 

Because girls have went through their whole lives dealing with guys who do nice things and suck up just so the girl will like them, only to find out that he wasn't being for real or just using her for sex or something along those lines. in any case, he just wasn't being honest with her, so girls have put up a defense mechanism to notice certain other traits, like a guy who's not afraid to show them that he honestly cares by getting jealous, yelling at them, etc.

 

it's not enough to just go with the flow, showing a girl you care about her is a constant active process, and you have to show them through both the positive and negative that you care about them. It sounds like you've made a lot of progress, but there's still work to be done in this direction.

 

But at this point, your girl has shown interest in other guys, dumped you, and apparently has no problem doing things behind your back. there's a respect that has been lost and it's too big of a hole to crawl out of. The precedent has been set that she can do this stuff and you'll still take her back. The only way you can show her that you won't tolerate this kind of stuff is to dump her for good, but that results in the end of the relationship too.

 

This kind of stuff is really hard to fix when strong emotions are involved though. I had to learn this stuff when I was single and out there dating multiple girls. then I could take an objective look and realize what was really happening without letting what I wanted to see cloud my vision.

[Katerimo]

I'm not too sure what's going on here but that sounds like a lovely gesture to me There's nothing wrong with being romantic as long as you're doing because you want too not because you think you should.

[caliboy_2007]

I'm not too sure what's going on here but that sounds like a lovely gesture to me There's nothing wrong with being romantic as long as you're doing because you want too not because you think you should.

 

Thank you Katerimo,

The brief story behind my situation is that my GF after 2 years wasn't sure what she wants. She took a break twice from me, went with her ex once and with another online chat guy once (just chatting, no date but she did date her ex in that break she took with me). Then she came back after the 2nd break and said I am who she wants to be with. I took her back of course but I'm the typical nice-guy man and did have problems like "holding on to the soad too tight" and "being there for her every second" and basically she had become all I was about which is not healthy... but we both have changed and I wanted to take this opportunity to have a nice anniversary with her.

 

I just found out she talked to her EX AGAIN this month (twice only - not like every night of course)... I am waiting for her to tell me about it as we have been so great lately. Every one of my friends including my mother tell me that I shouldn't react on only 2 calls to her ex as she might be dealing with some problems with him so I'm trying so hard not to bring it up (because I logged on to her phone account as her - that by itself it not good). So I'm staying calm (trying to) and I'm loving her just as much. If things change, then I know what's up but if not, I'll bring this up to her in a few months.