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I'm so frustrated


Gracelove
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I am so frustrated.

My parents are getting on my freakin nerves!

I can't trust them, they are not supportive.

I'm just like, leave me alone, ya know.

You're not helping, stay away, stop making my situation worse.

They are totally self-centered, and the older the get the more crazy about money they get.

I'm just like, grrrrrrrrr!!!!

I mean, I have a job that sucks!!!! Why does it suck? Because it's stupid easy and they don't pay me what I'm worth. I should be getting paid twice what I'm getting, ya know.

And my boyfriend is far away and I may be away from him for as long as a year.

That in itself is so disturbing and nobody gets that!

He is the only person I trust and I'm having extreme separation anxiety.

Being away from him is torture for me.

And he's so far away.

And I would be happy, so happy if I could just be with him. But I can't live with him because he wouldn't let me, and I've been rejected all the way around.

Am forced into this situation and I have no way out.

I'm still living with my parents.

It sucks!

And with this job I don't have enough money to move out on my own.

Hopefully I'll be getting a new job soon that pay much, much more money (someone is working on it for me, thank goodness!).

I mean, I'm a college graduate and I'm not even on salary.

School secretaries with no degrees make me more me, I feel like crap.

I'm so sad, this is horrible.

My life feels like it's going down the toilet.

And I'll a want is my apartment and my boyfriend and that's that. I mean.

But then I'm scared because how do I know that my apartment will be safe. I mean, the last one was destroyed be a tornado!!!

I'm so sad. I don't trust anything anymore.

I can't really get excited about a good thing because I don't know how long it will last.

And I feel so sick, I feel like I want to throw up.

I hate my life. I hate being scared all the time.

I mean, I don't feel safe ever.

It was the abuse and then the stalking and then the rape, and then that close friend betraying me, what else is there.

I'm damaged.

Life is cruel, that's what it is.

And there is no one to save or comfort me. I don't feel safe.

I don't know that I ever will.

But I feel safe around my boyfriend.

Maybe it's because he was there shortly after it happened, and he took care of me.

Maybe that's it.

How long do I have to wait.

......great!!!! My dad just knocked on my door and said he wanted to give me a suggestion! What is with these people and their damn suggestions! They're just control freaks, anyways.

I just want to give up. Give up!

How am I suppose to spend a year without my boyfriend?!!! Huh?

I mean, he wants to get his college degree, fine.

But then he doesn't want me to stay with him where he is, but he'll eventually come up here and we'll stay together.

What is going on?

I'm just so tired.

Sometimes I think about not being here anymore. Sometimes I really feel it would be a solution.

It's just too much. things get to be too overwhelming.

I can't understand things anymore. This world makes absolutely no sense to me.

None at all.

I stuggle on, trying to surpress my feelings, but sometimes they just come out.

And sometimes I just really, really want to be left alone.

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I know your hurting right now, yeah get a better job, that might start to make you feel better, ring your boyfriend when ever you are feeling down or talk to a friend, dont keep your feelings inside, let them out as much as poisble

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If your apartment is ruined, then you can do two things. Cry over the ruins, or rebuild your life. The first option leads to nowhere, so you can only try to rebuild your life.

 

Life is like a bus station, if you accidently get on a bus that you don't want to be in, you get out as soon as possible and get on the buss that brings you into a direction where you do want to goto. And what safety conserns, as long as you are alive you are at risk. You can only reduce the risks, by living near a police station,only travelling in groups,and insure yourself,and defend yourself as much as you can against natural or man made disasters. If then something happens, then you can say to yourself ' i did all i could do' and can't blame yourself.

 

Don't let your life be led by the fact that your bf is there or not, in the end you only have yourself. And have to try to make the best possible situation for yourself as you can.

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