I need help. I can't do this by myself.

[darkpumpkin]

I've had some problems now with my boyfriend kevin for a while now. We fight all the time. We fight about little stupid things. It's always the same thing. We try to change who we are to make the other person happy. He's 30 and is very set in his ways. I'm 22 and a damn strong person. (when I'm not getting over heartbreak). I've tried talking to him, I've said many times that this is getting to hard almost to the point that I should end it. We emotionally drain each other when we have an issue. We've been going through this fighting every other day for 2 months now and I just need it to stop.

 

I love him, I want to be with him. I want a future with him. He's special. Frustrating but special. And I'm not sure what to do. I've tried not "communicating" as much as before because it was just getting us in trouble. Please I need any comments from everyone who reads this. I don't want to lose him and I want with all my heart to make this work.

[Hubbys_glitter_is_gold]

darkpumpkin,

I understand what you are going through me and my boyfriend go through it all the time. It could be worst me and mines live over 300 miles away from each other. Instead of arguing with each other try just talking about it. Take the time out to just sit down and talk about what it is thats bother each other. sometimes its not what youre arguing about thats the problem. Its sometimes what youre afraid to talk about thats the real deal. me and my b/f had been together for 5 years and we've argued about everything under the moon but some of the arguments be a cover up for the real problem. I made the mistake of talking to one of my exs and he found out, we started arguing about it but the real and true problem was he was just afraid of losing me. You should sit down and this works for us..make a list of what it is that you have a problem with in life and with each other. what it is that you dont like about him or has a problem with him and he does the same. Be honest with each other, and dont get mad about the things he says in the list. then after its all on the table and youve spilled out all you can spill you work on making it right for each other. Sometimes there are sacrifices you have to make for each other but each you love each other then thats fine. Never take away his dominance though. if thats what you have done then that might be a problem. If you want to be with this man then work it out. Its never the end until you give up on the one you love.. Youre never suppose to give up on the one you love sweetie. Everything in life is frustrating especially if you have alot going on in it. its just another speed bump in the road to happiness. if he does you right, then work it out by all means possible..if sitting down dont work all that good write him a letter about how you feel about the arguing and how you feel about him. then leave it somewhere he always look first thing. Something will work. just DONT GIVE UP if you really want to be with this man.

[darkpumpkin]

I do want to be with him. I want a life with him. But whenever I try and talk to him he just sits there.

[gfein347]

Have you said to him something along the lines of what you said just now?

If so, how does he respond?

[Hubbys_glitter_is_gold]

Try the letter. you write him a letter letting him know how you reallly feel, dont sugar coat anything thatll only make it worse. If he really loves you then he will do something about it. ""hes set in his ways.." what ways are those if you dont mind me asking?

[darkpumpkin]

I've told him many times I can't talk to him. That I just want to communicate with him. Not blame or accuse either one of us of doing something wrong just to discuss how we can fix it. It never works. He always goes back to "well if you didn't react this way I wouldn't react that way." He's set in his ways as in his words. " I haven't had a seriouse realtionship for awhile, I live a bachalor's life who has a girlfriend." He's not used to thinking of someone else. But maybe I just use that as an excuse.

[Hubbys_glitter_is_gold]

In my opinion and not to offend you or him but i think that thats a bold faced excuse. Thats just a way to keep from having to talk about it. Maybe he doesnt want it fixed. Its stubborness and its getting the best of him. Not having a serious relationship is an excuse(Exp: my b/f hasnt had any kind of relationship with a female but me and he doesnt go as far as to say that) and a bachalors life at 30. that life suppose to left when he got into a relationship. Thats suppose to have been put on hold. It might be something more behind the arguments. You should try asking if theres someone else.

[darkpumpkin]

I have asked and he says there is no one else. I believe hiim.

[darkpumpkin]

Also a lot of times he doesn't want to argue. It's me who starts in on them and then blow them up and bring other things that have bothered me in the past into them.

[Hubbys_glitter_is_gold]

Never make things bigger than what they really are. If its something that can just be brushed off then brush it off. Maybe he just doesnt know how to express himself emotionally. Like i cant just come out and say th ings to him, i write him letters and hand them to him. he'll end up reading it and he'll tell me to my face whats going on. Usually itll be stress from school or work that he brings into our relationship that causes the arguments.

[Hope75]

What sort of stuff are you fighting about?

[Momene]

Seriously, constant fighting and bickering aren't worth keeping a relationship for. It's actually better to be on your own that suffer it 3/4 times weekly. The chances are, though, you won't stay on your own for long anyway and you'll find someone with his positive qualities who doesn't get into conflicts all the time.