MikeyD Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 hey, new guy here and im stumped. I was going out with this girl for like a month and 2 weeks, and it was the best for the both of us in every way. as good as it was, she broke up with me like 2 weeks ago because she said that she was very stressed and didnt feel like herself, didnt feel like at her current state that she could be a good girlfriend and how she didnt want to drag me down with her stress and stuff. She really likes me alot, i can tell, she is a very sincere person so i know she's not lyin and i really like her alot too, and i want her back. Is there ANYTHING i can do? im convinced that since its a stress related issue, theres nothin i CAN do but wait (if i want her) or move on. Also, answer honestly, is that whole stress related break up complete and utter bull or can it really be a good enuff reason for some 1 (supposedly the best relationship they have ever had) to break it off?
friscodj Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Welcome to ENA MikeyD! Great to have you here... You're correct sir, there is nothing you can do but wait or move on. Experience has shown me, once that switch is flipped from "on" to "off", you could single-handedly save her and her entire family, pets, and collection of stuffed animals from a burning building on your way back from winning the Super Bowl MVP trophy and you aren't going to bring those feelings back. We could speculate on the validity of her reason but the main massage is the same...she does not want to have a relationship with you. In this case, given the short amount of time you spent together, you're best to thank her, wish her the best, and go about your way. And it would be good to evaluate why you want to try so hard and sacrifice so much of your time and energy for someone who doesn't want to be with you. In situations like this, you are best to accept you can't have what you want from her and let someone you like go in the name of self-preservation.
robowarrior Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 You should value it if she is completely honest with you, and if she was lying ,well you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a liar anyway. So either way it was the best thing for both of you. Although i know you want to be with her, it has to go both ways. And if she doesn't have time to invest into the relationship between you two due to stress reasons, then it wouldn't been healthy to step into a relationship at all.
heloladies21 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Nah, stress has nothing to do with it. The reason girls dup guys is always due to loss of interest. Their desire to be separate from you is greater than their desire to be with you. But most girls can't upfront about something like this because it would hurt you and they would feel guilty about it. So they make up another reason which has nothing to do with anything like work, school, being hung up on ex-bf, etc. Heard em all. But if you're trying to get her back, your way won't work. Search the archives and you won't find one time where hanging around in the background like this has led back into a successful LTR.
MikeyD Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 thanks for the replys but some of ya said that it was "loss of interest" or "Doesnt wanna be in a relationship with me" thats not it. the loss of interest i wouldnt think its that cuz right b4 we broke up we were great, and the last time i saw her, i was in her school hanging out wit her and her friends, she seemed like she wasnt there, like she seemed quiet and kinda in deep thought, even distant to her friends. and the not wantin to be in a relationship with me, well supposedly that was her best relationship with me and made her feel stronger than she felt for any other guy, so thats the thing i dunno. yea just rambling on. -Edit. oh one thing that i forgot to mention that may be important or not, but in her blog, she just posted up 2 poems that she had written b4 in the past and she wrote "poems that ive written b4 in the past, funny that i may still relate to it now". 1 is about obstacles and needing to get past them, only the strong can get thru them and if "you" will still be ther after. the 2nd one is about feelings, do u feel wat i feel, do u see that i feel for u this way, stuff like that. Also in her page she has a sad song (all of these changes were kinda recent, after the break up) about missing a person and stuff like that. i dunno if that paints a picture but thought that ya should know
friscodj Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Hey Mike- Do you really believe she really wants to be with you? She really wants to, but she's not, and on top of that, not even trying to make it work? My friend, she does not want to be in a relationship with you. If she did, she would. I have known and lived situations where women don't want to be in a relationship with anyone. My experience has shown me this is the result of becoming a born again Christian (or something similar), struggling with a sexual identity/orientation problem, depression and/or side effects of anti-depressants, just got out of a relationship that sucked the life out of them, or various combinations of these. But like I said before, the reason is moot. What matters is the situation as it stands. She is not with you. Period. She could be with you and she is not. You think she wants to be with you and she is not giving herself what she wants on purpose? Come on...
TijuanaJones Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 thanks for the replys but some of ya said that it was "loss of interest" or "Doesnt wanna be in a relationship with me" thats not it. the loss of interest i wouldnt think its that cuz right b4 we broke up we were great, and the last time i saw her, i was in her school hanging out wit her and her friends, she seemed like she wasnt there, like she seemed quiet and kinda in deep thought, even distant to her friends. and the not wantin to be in a relationship with me, well supposedly that was her best relationship with me and made her feel stronger than she felt for any other guy, so thats the thing i dunno. yea just rambling on Hey Mikey You are going to make excuses to keep your hopes up for getting back together... dont do it man, it doesnt work like that, trust me. Nothing she said in the past matters now, dont over-analize everything she said. The fact is she changed her mind and doesnt want to be with you for now. Hey, "actions speak louder than words" Give her space, heal, tend to your own needs, work on yourself, unpause your life, get on with your plans, and let time do its job. You are strong, you can do it.
SuperDave71 Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 I am soooo backing friscodj on this one! 100% SuperDave71 PS. Hi guys!
TijuanaJones Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Also in her page she has a sad song (all of these changes were kinda recent, after the break up) about missing a person and stuff like that. i dunno if that paints a picture but thought that ya should know Oh, and please, please dont look at her page.. myspace, facebook, hi5, you name it. Those things make you doubt and make you over analize everything, its painful to do that. I recommend blocking and deleting her from MSN as well. ZERO contact is the best. So what if she puts a sad song?, so what if she writes about missing her baby in her blog? (my ex did) all of that doesnt mean a thing until she picks up the phone and calls you to say she misses you and wants to be with you... Im sorry if Im harsh, but dont let yourself fall in the traps of doubt and fear.... disappear from her life, thats the only way... and keep reading other posts and threads, it'll help you...
friscodj Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 Oh, and please, please dont look at her page.. myspace, facebook, hi5, you name it. Those things make you doubt and make you over analize everything, its painful to do that. I recommend blocking and deleting her from MSN as well. ZERO contact is the best. So what if she puts a sad song?, so what if she writes about missing her baby in her blog? (my ex did) all of that doesnt mean a thing until she picks up the phone and calls you to say she misses you and wants to be with you... Im sorry if Im harsh, but dont let yourself fall in the traps of doubt and fear.... disappear from her life, thats the only way... and keep reading other posts and threads, it'll help you... I agree 100%. Well said... Reading an email, text message, listening to a voice mail, looking at a MySpace page, etc. is contact. It's one-way contact but it is contact and will do you zero dam good in a situation like this. In fact, it will do you negative good...
MikeyD Posted January 25, 2007 Author Posted January 25, 2007 thanks guys, alot of wat ya were saying, no contact, if she misses u, she'd call, and stuff like that is the same thing i tell myself and friends that say "u should talk to her" and stuff. Its good to know that I was right in this situation by keepin my pride and not wanting to contact her. thanks guys
TijuanaJones Posted January 25, 2007 Posted January 25, 2007 thanks guys, alot of wat ya were saying, no contact, if she misses u, she'd call, and stuff like that is the same thing i tell myself and friends that say "u should talk to her" and stuff. Its good to know that I was right in this situation by keepin my pride and not wanting to contact her. thanks guys Yeah, its like something I just read in another post that I really liked. Somebody said that in a breakup, the dumper is empowered for taking that decision, and the dumpee loses power, so with space and time between the two of you (NC) the power gets balanced. Of course this is not about power, but its a good way of explaining it. When she stops feeling she has power over your life or that she can take you back any time she wants, she will truly know how she feels for you... But dont count on getting her back thru NC, just keep living and working on YOU.
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