not sure how to feel

[HDD]

Hi Everyone,

 

hope u are all doing well. I havent posted here in a while but I have been reading everything. I have been trying to keep myself busy so I dont start thinking about my ex.

I was almost tempted to call him today, but did not because i just felt like i had nothing to say to him. And listening to his voice would probably open up old wounds or something. I wonder if guys ever feel the urge to call and stop themselves from doing it... i am not sure if it happens more to females or males, i know I used to be the one to make the first call.

I am feeling much better as the days go by, but the other day for some reason, i just started crying in the bathroom... just missed him SO much. I just couldnt believe WE are done. i am afraid that I still have some hope in my heart for him to come back and I dont want to feel that, but I cant help myself. i know we probably will NEVER be together again, and i need to stop thinking that... i just dont know HOW! which is why i try and keep my mind busy.

How do you let the hurt go and the hope of ever getting back together? Right now, i hope to talk to him someday in the future and not WANT him back, which is why i havent called him cause i dont want to sound desperate. is that why he hasnt called me either (other than the missed call i had from him a week and a half ago)? Is he also scared of how he feels about me and does not want to open old wounds?

talk to me please....

[redsuede]

Its really hard to tell why they dont call. But I can tell you that he is not calling you and you need to look out for you and your heart right now. NC should be for you and you alone. I am sorry that you are in so much pain right now. It will start to decrease and what you were explaining is normal. You will have days like that. Prepare for it, and believe it. But you will also notice that you will have good days too, where you start seeing the relationship for what it was. I dont know exactly what happened. But I am sorry you are in so much pain right now.

[spikespiegel]

Lately, since my ex made contact with me after 3 weeks, I've been wanting to e-mail, or text, or call her EVERY day. I can't get her off of my mind again... I'm having a really difficult time concentrating on things... I just can't stop thinking about the fact that we're OVER, just like you said...

[redsuede]

The trick is to keep yourself busy and keep reminding yourself why this is good for you (this breakup). Sometimes people think that because they want their x back that there is nothing good about it. There is. You already know deep in your heart how much you already have gone through. Keep strong, and the air will clear for you to see things better.

[desertnomad]

That is one of the hardest parts for sure. The thinking that you will never be together again. Relationships are so full of the hopes for the future which are just as important as the good things they give us in the present.

 

When you lose that hope you lose alot of those feelings of security you had that there will be someone there down the road with you always. But that feeling doesnt have to last forever. There are millions of people out there looking. I know it sometimes feels like you are the only one out there.

 

Yeah we think about calling all the time and change our minds. There is so much pressure to be a certain way or do the 'right thing' sometimes that its confusing. To bad we all cant just be real and open and honest and leave our hurts behind and drop our guard.

 

The best thing you can do is what you are doing keeping busy. You never know what may happen but you cant focus on that or the breakup or you will be a wreck if something positive does happen with him down the road or someone else...which there will be. Sounds like you are going to do ok. Keep fighting.

[cantexplain]

Quote from above in thread: "Lately, since my ex made contact with me after 3 weeks, I've been wanting to e-mail, or text, or call her EVERY day. I can't get her off of my mind again... I'm having a really difficult time concentrating on things... I just can't stop thinking about the fact that we're OVER, just like you said..."

 

yes same thing happens to me.

its hard to change feelings and we certainly don't want to bury feelings.

 

at best I find it useful to recognize the stages to the process of separation - then I can recognize where I am at and keep working this stage consciously until I move on to the next. The only way out is through.

 

A part of this is remembering that the longer the two people were together, the longer it will take for the good days to start outnumbering the bad days.

 

It takes time - and we can tell ourselves all these feelings are a part of the healing process - they are normal. We dumped or got dumped.

 

My own stages go like this:

 

- the pain of rejection and emotional separation from partner and my own identity as being with them in a partnership. One time this was so bad I broke out in hives on my chest for 5 weeks - a physical manifestation of my heart-broken insanity, I thought.

 

- depression

 

- occasional days where it starts to make sense

 

- "hey I got a lot going on this will be ok for me"

 

- anger (if there has been verbal or any other kind of abuse)

 

- faith

 

- genuinely focusing on my own life.

 

- wow I am so glad to be out of that situation and open for the next and better one

 

Somewhere in all our own stages - however it works for each person - we realize that renewed contact still hurts and we finally decide ourselves that NC is best for us. (If I've reason to get to the anger stage, NC is a piece of cake then, of course.)