my best friend doesn't like the guy i want to be with...

[Venga]

my best friend doesn't like that guy i want to be with... and just to get you up to speed:

 

I have had a complicated love life since July 2006, having broken up with my boyfriend of nearly four years because i fell for an old highschool friend [Jay].

while i tried to hold off on a relationship to get myself back together, my friend [rachel] introduces me to a third guy of interest... a very close friend of hers.

As of now, i have decided that the previous boyfriend and me will not work together.. so we aren't talking. as for the guy my friend introduced, i decided we weren't right either [nothing in common, i didn't like where it was going... he's just not what i wanted in a relationship] so he decided that he doesn't want to see me if we aren't together...

 

now, i promise this is less confusing! i'm down to just the one guy, and my problem is this:

Jay talked to rachel on the internet one day and said something to offend her...

now this whole thing has nothing to do with me and i'm not going to jump in the middle. i think they can handle it themselves... but rachel doesn't want to. as far as i know, she got the feeling that he was telling her she was being a bad friend to me, so she stopped talking to him. and his story is that he was just talking and mentioned how great of friends we are and not to let any boys come between us [not that its happened, but he didn't want things to hurt us]. i think its a big misunderstanding, and i asked rachel if she tried to talk to jay about it, and she doesn't want to.

 

as of this moment i am crazy about Jay. We spend alot of time together when we can because i go to school 200 miles from where he lives. i have never clicked with anyone as well as we do. i fell in love with him... i plan to go to school near him and live with him as well...

 

rachel saw me on campus with him, holding his hand, and later she asked me "he didn't kiss you did he? i saw him holding your hand..." and i immediately said no, as if it was nothing. we were at a friend's place with more people around, and this wasn't the time for be to talk about it, and i just brushed it off as quickly as possible. i don't understand why she spoke of it as if he was doing something wrong by holding my hand... and if he kissed me [which we did kiss... we did many things..]

i don't want to lie about it but i don't want to defend myself.

 

rachel doesn't know this because i don't want to hear her criticism. no one really knows this because i have been so complicated lately i'm trying to avoid the attention. i'm still pretty sensative to the whole thing..

 

i haven't been around rachel as much this year because she seems to have changed... she's very critical of me and the things i do and sometimes i'm pretty uncomfortable with the things she points out (like my body or how i should wear this and that, or how i should wear more make up) .... i just feel like i'm not good enough to be her friend, and she has other friends who fit all the things she tells me.

 

i no longer want to live in the dark about Jay. rachel wanted me to live in an apartment with her next school year, but i don't want to if i'm with jay... his visits would be all kinds of awkward...and.. i'm sure you understand.

 

i think i'm going to lose another friend in all of this, and i'm pretty cool with that. i would love for them to patch things up... jay has even try many times to talk to her, and she doesn't say much back and pretty much ignores him.. i think that's pretty stubborn on her part.

i don't know why i can't just out and say all of this to her. which is the reason why i think it was a misunderstanding in the first place... she doesn't take this stuff well. any time i have confronted her she has taken it in the worst way possible.

i don't know how to go about this situation at all....

[Dako]

So your friend dislikes your guy and wants to mess it up?

A good friend might step away from interfering and let you think for yourself. She doesn't choose your friends, you do.

[Venga]

she gets upset if we don't hang out or if i don't talk to her often... she thinks i'm avoiding her. but when he's around she obviously wants nothing to do with us....

 

i don't know how to talk to her about it.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I'm with Dako - anyone who is that demanding about who you're friends with or who you go out with, it's not good news.

 

Don't let other people dictate to you how you should live your life, and who you should associate with. You are thoughtful and sensitive, but you know your own mind - be firm!

 

Take care