NC on a long distance, a complicated story.

[thatislife]

Hello,

 

I'm a guy (27) from Holland, 4 month ago my girlfriend who is Turkish and lives in Turkey broke up with me after 2 years (that week it was 2 years). In 1/2 a year she became really famous and busy with her dance career.

 

One week before she broke up, she came to visit me in Holland, she should stay 2 weeks, but went one week earlier because she had a danceshow... (She only visited me 2 times in 2 year, i visted more than 8 times)

that week she was really cold, i thought it was because of stress and that she became tired of the stress, dancing and fame. The last night was really cold, at the airport there were no tears.

 

One week later we had a nice talk in the afternoon and again in the evening. Suddenly she went away without saying goodbye. Because for quite a while she was cold, not really interested. I called her and asked her why she didn't say goodbye or a goodbye kiss (on msn), and was so cold. Suddenly she freaked out....She told me all kind of things, i was not aware off and she went hysterical......that was the end. So she break up on the phone!

 

For 3,5 month we had some contact, but it came all from me. Sometimes a small sms txt or email, but it's so small that it's almost meaningless.

 

She always told me, i was the only one, about marry etc... She tells me that for now it's over, but she cannot look into the future, she still loves me, likes my personality and think i'm handsome. I talk with 2 friends of her, she told them i love him but never again together. When i ask, is it defently over for ever..she cannot say yes or no, just that she doesn't know the future.

 

For me this came all out of the blue! I was so excited about everything. This year was really busy for her, getting famous and getting eveything she wants to do. Playing in movies, dancing, nike sponsership. There were some "fights" and arguments on the phone, but she was always so stressfull and in a hurry. The year before i was busy and for a couple of times she blamed me for that, now she is busy, and says i cannot make you happy anymore.

 

She said i was not happy with you anymore, why because we live 3000km away and i also would like to get some attention? I was the one calling and paying the bills, if you can understand me. I did everything!!!

When i asked her about other person's she says, it's not about other person, just about fights (for me it was not that big!). I don't need anybody in my life, I don't give a f*ck about anybody, she always tell me.

She wants to be my friend she says, hmm after what she said to me???

 

She could get really angry at me, shout hang up the phone etc..I was always able to stay easy and not let myself go. But i'm so intens sad about this all...I love her so much. Broke up by phone and never see her again, is really hard!!!! All her friends were in shock, they really thought we had a good future.

 

Questions are:

 

Has anybody experience with such a long distance NC?

Is there a chance I can make it up to her, because we live 3000km away from eachother ?

Should i go to Turkey? ( I asked her so many times, why we couldn't talk face -to -face)

 

Maybe some txt, but it's also quite complicated. Hope somebody can give me some usefull advise. Thank you very much!

[Beec]

Well, anything is possible. But this is probably going to be tough.

 

First you need to stop chasing her and letting her know you even want her in a relationship. No chasing, no asking to see her, no begging, pleading, no even letting on that you have feeling for her. Act like you have begun to move on, and better than acting like it, do it or try to do it. Just because you move on, it does not mean you can never get back together.

 

Second, keep in contact but act for right now that you are not looking for more than keeping some type of friendship alive.

[thatislife]

Thanks for the reply,

 

it's clear, did you have any experience with such a situation?

 

After 3,5 month of weekly contact i try the NC for almost 2 weeks, the day before yesterday she send me a small email:

 

"how are you?

 

i'm fine...just really busy like you know...are you ok...when you go to Africa...take care

 

see ya"

 

I think such mails are not real interest, just an excuse for them selves to say, wel i replied to you, i know she i busy. She likes to show me that.

Anyway should i contact this, or just let it go. And time will show?

 

I just cannot believe somebody break up by phone and never see eachother again. "Yes we can, she says, when we are friends".....Yeah my friends never said really nasty things to me...they are straight with me, like i'm with them.

 

ok thanks again for the reply

[thatislife]

One thing I forgot to mention, is that during the summer. She broke up like 18th of Septembre...

 

I was there in Turkey and out of the blue she asked me...if something happens can i call you back in 3-5 years...? ofcourse i laught about it, like yeah ofcourse but nothing will happen right???... Something did happen 2month later, but this runs in my mind everyday...

 

When i ask her about this after she broke up, she had to laugh.....

 

can somebody please help me...i know it all inside yourself, and at the end it's only YOURSELF....

[tamara78]

Hey there, yes it happened to me - long distance break up over an e-mail!! We initially lived together and then had an LDR for almost 2 years. He suddenly grew cold and then broke up with me. He insisted that he cared for me, that I was the most important person in his life and wanted to be friends and "talk" about it all. He also added that there was someone else he liked...As soon as I heard, that was it for me - I turned away and never spoke to him again. Well, he also never spoke to me again, and almost 6 months on, I feel no warmth at all towards him. He was a coward , just like your ex.

 

Hate to say this, but I am pretty sure she has met someone else, she is just too afraid to tell you that. She is trying the whole grass is greener thing and probably knows deep down that you are a great catch and that's why she was asking for a chance in a few years' time. My ex would be the same if he was brave enought to talk to me again (so much for wanting to be friends - ha!) What can I say - leave her alone and move on, if she comes back, she will after a lot of time has passed. Focus on yourself and make sure that *you* are on the road to full recivery. You don't owe her anything and you did nothing wrong - her blaming the distance is an excuse to make you feel guilty and for her to feel better about the break up.

[thatislife]

thanx tamara78 for your experience and view. I still do have contact with her best 2 friends (boy&girl). They really don't understand it.

 

I asked them, if she has somebody else, but they say not because she is too busy with her dance career. I believe them, hmm do i yes i do.

 

I try to move on, it's 4 month ago now, but it still feels the same like the first day. The only different is that i can focus minimal on my job and things.

 

Another question raised, should anybody of you just get on the plane and go to her?

 

She said she changed, became more angry and stronger, (what's so strong on breaking up by telephone) she is not the stupid girl like before (so i was only worth that?)...But because it was LDR, you create a illusion. After she break up i have never seen her again, only try to talk....normal talking was almost impossible because of the lack of interest (she says she wants to be friends), And when i was trying to get some of my answers she says. I don't want to look back, i want to look into the future and be friends, talk like friends...YEAH LETS BE FRIEND AND SING A SONG LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED (and all the things you have said to me)....i know it all depends on yourself and that i'm the one who made an image of her, and i can forget and forgive, but still...

 

Should i check it, or just leave it all alone and let time work things out...?

and how long can a recovery takes, is 4 month long?? I mean i still miss het soooooo much.

 

thanx