Borderline Personality Disorder

[penelope13]

my roommate of the last 6 months displays a lot of symptoms associated with BPD (she has not been officially diagnosed); a year ago we were close friends so that we decided to move together; from then on it only went down hill to the point where I am counting now the days till she has moved out and will be out of my life.

 

as soon as we lived together it became apparent that I had to constantly justify myself if/why i wasn't spending time with her, why i didn't come running every time she claimed she has something to discuss. the most ridiculous things would tick her off and if i would point out her being unreasonable she would throw a fit. whatever i did for her was never enough, but whatever she supposedly did for me would be reiterated thousands of times.

 

Problems (no matter how small) where totally blown out of proportion. If there was a disagreement she would be fuming for a few days, but then wake up one morning and not even remember any of it and be all over me.

 

when she was in a good mood I could hardly get away from her and have any time to myself.

 

when she felt someone had done her some 'wrong' she would get enraged and do some really stupid things to make them suffer equally (her words).

 

She broke up with 2 guys while she lived with me - a total nightmare for me, trying to keep her from destroying there things and getting kicked out from work.

 

After the last relationship was over her focus had shifted to me, till I simply couldn't take it anymore having to be walking on eggshells all the time at home.

 

I am glad she will be out of my life, but I also feel sorry for her, because until she is willing to acknowledge that she has some serious destructive behavior (whatever the label might be), I fear she will not be able to maintain any close relationship and have a fulfilling life, which is a real pity, since she can be extremely nice and is quite intelligent

[JoeHill]

My ex is very high functioning in life. She has lots of friends and is very highly regarded at work. Her relationship with her family is a mess. Some of them are abusive or distant, which isn't her fault. I'm not sure if I've done anything wrong in suggesting she look into the possibility of her showing mild symptoms for splitting.

[bedazzled]

I was with a woman with BPD. She was violent and promiscuous. I thought "girls night out" was just that. It wasn't, her friends told me so.

 

Oh yeah, and she cut herself.

[JoeHill]

Hello: Are you still in contact with anyone who shows signs of BPD?

[sarey]

I have emotional dysregulation aka BPD (another term for it in the UK) and it takes a lot of patience to be with someone who has this awful, debilitating illness, however, I think the person who has BPD needs to be as stable as they can before entering a relationship. It will only cause pain for both parties if not. I'd know. Been there, done that.

[JoeHill]

Have I let her down by suggesting a break to get stable, or raising the idea of possible borderline symptons? I still feel as if I've violated a boundary.

[penelope13]

being diagnosed with any type of psychiatric phenotype is hard to accept for most people. Most people also simply hate if someone suggests that their behavior might not just be their personality, but might be a certain psychiatric pattern;

 

thus in future I would not suggest any kind of possible diagnosis (unless the person is sincerely seeking for that kind of advice/ knowledge), but would rather suggest for them to seek therapy for themselves and hope the treating doctor/ counselor is knowledeable.

 

in the end it doesn't matter why someone is portraying a certain behavior, yet you both need to find a way to deal with it; i have observed in many, many cases that people have been highly resistant to suggestions of a possible psychiatric issue, but once they got a diagnosis, things started to make more sense to them and it was easier to find a way to deal with/avoid a number of issues

[JoeHill]

You make some good points. I'm probably deluding myself, but at the time if felt as if I was doing what we had talked about -- getting to the bottom of our problems.

 

Also, I asked if she wanted to hear the information before sharing it.

 

Now I see that I stuck my nose where it doesn't belong. Again, I didn't offer her a diagnosis and made that very clear. Have I wronged her, and is she entitled to an apology? I doubt we'll speak again. She was furious and stormed out.