I'm being stalked by my ex.

[LovelyPetal]

I broke up with my ex in August because he was unable to show emotion and honesty or have a mature relationship but he continually used a combination of blackmail and manipulation to get back with me.

 

We've come back together and broken up twice between August and December 2006. We were supposed to travel abroad for christmas but he let me down and I decided to break it off finally.

 

I have managed to not have since but he sends me emails about 4times every day and calls and texts me. I have just discovered he had installed a software on my computer making it possible to record every keystroke hence enabling him to check my emails and record my msn conversations at ease.

 

Last week, he sent me an email and copied in 30 of my friends, my dad and my brother in law, describing in graphic details our previous physical activity. Inspite of this evilness he still continues to hope there is a way for us to get back together.

 

I feel so angry at this because I know it's a power and control thing. I sent him an email yesterday saying I would be contacting the police if he continued and I haven't heard anything from him.

 

I went on a date for the first time since I broke up with him last week but I am so scared and distrustful of starting a relationship and didn't answer my dates call when he rang.

 

I'm not getting any younger and would love to meet someone I can trust and love but this has really really impacted me greatly.

[iceman85]

I'm sorry your going through this. I hate to admit this, but as a guy I have been where your ex has been. Not as intense mind you, but I did similar things. I tried to stay in contact, I looked at her myspace page, signed onto her screen name to see who she was talking to, towards the end of our relationship for absolutley no reason I tried the same thing with the monitoring software.

 

And I hate to admit that because she really gave me no reason to do any of those things. It was insecurity inside of me, and fear that she would turn into girls of my past who left me for someone else while I was still with them.

 

What I didn't see is that she loved me and she wasnt those other girls, she wouldnt have done that until I pushed her to, and she did.

 

From my perspective I did it because I had an intense fear of losing her and even after I did, I felt I couldnt live without her, and doing those things was sort of a sick way of still having her.

 

I am in no way shape or form psycho or anything. I just lost my head and I hate it, I loved her and she loved me and for some reason something inside of me snapped. Luckily I have been able to reflect on this and fix the problems I had.

 

To be quite honest the best way to deal with him is to not respond to anything he does. Take the program off your computer, change your passwords. Block his emails if possible. If you disapear he cant continue this.

 

 

I have an important question to ask you. Why did you get back together with him after you broke up the first time?

 

Also, maybe this plays from question one, but say a few months from now he changed and fixed all of his issues. How would he have to prove it back to you? Show you?

[Northalius]

Arg. I was going to say tape his calls, save the texts, etc. secretly call the police, give them the information; maybe even ask them to check your computer for his hacking. You'd have a lot of evidence to bring with you to court if it comes down to it.

 

Well, now that you said you'd call the police, maybe he'll stop; if he doesn't, just save all the evidence you can. Get a tape recorder and be ready for him to call.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hello lovelypetal = welcome to ENA!!

 

I gotta say, good move calling the police.

 

Make sure you do it again at the very next sign of his unwanted attention.He WILL try again and you MUST have it noted.

 

I don't mean to make you afraid as I think you should stick to your life but stalker-ish behaviour such as that, can be very dangerous.

 

Please keep posting.

[LovelyPetal]

Thanks for all your responses. You are lovely people.

 

Iceman, I got back together with him because he gave me what I thought were very valid reasons for why he'd done what he did.

 

He didn't have the best childhood and is still not on speaking terms with any of his family. He also suffered a really painful break up where she dumped him and he was very insecure about that.

 

If he said he had changed down the line, I wouldn't take him back because "I've changed" is something he's used so many times in the relationship, that it's lost it's meaning now.

 

He hasn't contacted me since I posted that first message and I can't tell you how happy and lighthearted I feel at the moment.

 

The mental consequences of being stalked, you never really understand until it happens to you. It's like rape. Very much a control thing.

 

Have a goodnight people and be safe and happy.

[iceman85]

Best of luck LovelyPetal, I hope this all stops and you can get on with things.