I HATE being shy...

[RIPDIME]

At the moment, I really feel as if this curse I have known as shyness will never go away. So many times I have passed up a conversation with a girl because im shy and constantly the thought reoccurs, what could it have been like with that girl, if I wasn't shy? Yet not just girls but also how many more friendships could I have had? Then theres the times I get into conversation's with girls. A few years ago I couldn't even talk to guys let along girls without my voice going deep and saying something stupid. Now its more anything I talk about is stupid. Really I just long to be that guy who can make jokes upon jokes and just woo that girl.. Yet its confusing, egotistical as this sounds, I know girls find me attractive. From all the stares and actually hearing girls say this, its pretty evident that it must be true. So how come other shy guys I know have had girlfriend's.. am I just that retarded?

 

And even though my shyness is slowly getting better, there are times that it just comes back... As positive as I try to be about getting rid of it, nothing works. I just can't take being alone any longer..

[puff.tm.dragon]

I use to be shy too! My voice would tremble when I talk to girls. But I overcame that and you will too, eventually. It just takes practice. The first thing you can do when you meet people is introduce yourself and ask for their name. That is VERY easy and it CAN'T go wrong.

 

In fact, here is a monologue you can use to approach people.

You: Hi what's your name?

Girl: (she might not ask for your name)

You: I'm Puff the Magic Dragon

.....

You: So.....(think of anything)

Girl: (answers 30% of a follow up question)

You: Um....(think of another thing)

Girl: (answers 40% of a follow up question)

You: Hey me too!

Girl: (smiles)

----dead silence---

Wait 2 minutes

Repeat.

[equinox]

I used to be shy as hell but what changed me was the job I took when I left school. It was a job in legal land registration and it involved me talking to people that had serious questions regarding the legal status of their property. How did this help? Well first of all it meant that I was working in an office but also that I had, often, to deal with people who were very annoyed for one reason or another over their land. It knocked the shyness right out of me.

 

Maybe you should look for a job that makes you work with others works a treat for me. I should say that it didn't get ne any gf lol.

[emit_remmus]

"In conversation, whether we tend to agree or disagree with the other person is completely a question of habit: the one makes as much sense as the other." - Neitzsche

 

Everyone and everything they say is stupid, and it doesn't really matter what you say because its all conversation. Just start now and talk. It will be worse when you won't even talk to people because of your judgement about them.

[one2many]

The girl who can't see through this and try to move on to really find out about you is not that interested or just not good enough for you. You need someone who will commit to knowing you.

[Katerimo]

I think you're forgetting there's alot of shy people out there. Alot of girls probably don't even realise you're shy and think you don't like them. The best thing you can do is join a club or something where you share the same interests as everyone else and it makes a good talking point. My boyfriend and I are both very shy and we connected through playing the guitar and music, conversation flowed well after that.

[charley]

Good news. Shyness can be reduced substantially. I've done it and I posted about it more than once. I started a thread about it a couple months ago. It's a step by step process and it works. It's free to. Just takes some time and effort.

 

Another bit of good news is that some women like shy guys. Some ever prefer them, though I admit those ladies are a minority of women.

 

Ideally, reduce your shyness.

[Kevin T]

Another bit of good news is that some women like shy guys. Some ever prefer them, though I admit those ladies are a minority of women.

 

Ideally, reduce your shyness.

 

Hugely in the minority. Mostly very assertive women like shy men, but not always, of course. But if the women is shy too, then nothing will ever happen. Someone needs to make a move, otherwise you'll just timidly glance at each other, look away, then rinse, wash and repeat, until you both decide "s/he doesn't like me." lol

[RIPDIME]

And I thank all of you for your support, but im pretty sure all of you know that it just doesn't work like that. I can't just break my shyness, ive tried. You know... ive tried to have a positive attitude and although it is slowly going away, theres still all the crap I have to deal with, im still a very akward person. For example theres been numerous times when a girl's been into me I guess you could say and being as akward as I am, I do not return the interest. This of course is so * * * *ty when you know you could have had something, but instead you screwed it up. Let's face it, if I can't even talk to girls properly how am I ever going to get one? And about the activites thing, I just am not into that, I like to keep myself as far away from society and normality as possible. I have a band, but that isnt really a way to meet girls.

[Katerimo]

I know what you mean I feel much the same about society! But being part of a band is very attractive to alot of girls. Do you play at any venues? A guy I know who was awful with women came home with several phone numbers after playing with his band in a few places. Apart from that the best thing you can do is start concentrating on the person you're talking too, people love to talk about themselves. You can get out of the shy label and into the good listener area, girls love that.

[Katerimo]

PS- Its been proven that shy people are generally much more intelligent and persceptive than outgoing people. Something to do with more developed parts of the brain...

[Kevin T]

PS- Its been proven that shy people are generally much more intelligent and persceptive than outgoing people. Something to do with more developed parts of the brain...

 

I'd like to see the source of that information.

 

In fact, almost the opposite is true. (Intelligence isn't related to being outgoing OR shy, actually.) But, extroverts are generally seen as more popular, successful and better adjusted than people who are overtly shy. Shyness, at least as far as psychology is concerned, is very stigmatized.

 

It's almost like a modern day leprosy of social psychology, especially for men.

[Katerimo]

I read it in 'The Times' UK as a feature several months ago. I wasn't exact with the facts but it read something along those lines.

[Kevin T]

You can't believe everything you read.

[Katerimo]

True but I'd like to believe it

[Kevin T]

Not really in university. They tend to shy away from public speaking presentations and social events, causing them to further withdraw.

[Katerimo]

I'm in university and although i'm shy I got top marks for a big presentation, I did better than the most outgoing people in my class. Shyness is only a disability if you let it be.

[Katerimo]

I'd also comment some of the shyest people on my course are the most popular. A good mix of introverts and extroverts make for the most diverse group of friends that compliment each other. School seems to be a lot worse for the shy person than uni!

[Kevin T]

I think as long as people make excuses for their shyness, they'll never break out of it or improve socially. You can't fix a problem if you don't acknowledge its existence.

[Katerimo]

I acknowledge it. Whatever your issues (and we all have them) you have to live with them and work on them. You can't just click your fingers and change. What I was attempting to do was build confidence by saying being shy isn't so bad and the less you label yourself as shy and the less you think about it, the more confident you will become!

[Kevin T]

Correct.

 

The less you label yourself as shy, the less it will become part of your self-concept and the quicker you'll over come it. Well said.

[omayra]

Ripdime, dont worri, well i am a girl and it is probably different because for the girls it would probably be like normal,but at my age trust me it isnt im already 18 and a freshmen in college. Anyways dont wori about that. I think that you will soon start talking to girls. Look at me I was shy well I still am but i opened up a bit. I talk to people that start talking to me. before I never did that. Now I dont think about what others might say about me and I just do what ever. I hope this helps good luck with the girls

 

 

P.S and if the girl is the right one for u she will just keep talking to u no matter what if ur shy