HELP!!!! More mixed signals off ex (long!)

[j201714]

Hi all, just an update on how things are going. I saw me ex on saturday night in town on a night out. I orginally saw his workmate who i get on with quite well. I said hiya to him and he came over and we chatted i asked how my ex was which he replied

"he has been depressed ever since you split up you obivoulsey said to each other some things you dont mean and you need to sit down and sort it out coz you can tell he still loves you"

well i took this as a really good sign i asked him if my ex was seein anyone else he said he was someone who he works with off a council estate( sort of tralier trash to the americans!!) who was only 18!!(he is 25!) Well i was quite hurt and i asked his friend if he was out tonight he said he was in the bar i have just come out of he said to me go and talk to him sort it out.

 

I went back into the bar and it was just like a movie!!! everybody else blened into the background and all i could see was him! i walked up to him and said hi he tried to ignore me and i asked what was the point in him trying to

ignore me. the music was loud and i asked him to come and talk to me which he did iasked him if he was seein this girl he said no he wasnt i felt like he was lying so i said " i am not bothered anyway i am seeing someone else so may as well just tell me" he still replied he wasnt i told him i missed him and he said he missed me. the music was really loud so we were having to talk to each other quite close together with our faces keep touching( which didnt have to happen if we didnt want it to). i told him how i broke my nail and we laughed together about it. It was just like old times.

 

i told him how bothered i was about us splitting up and he turned around and said youre the one who finshed it ,if you where that bothered why didnt you contact me. i told him i had tried, not excessively though beacause he told me he needed space which i tried to give him. he told me his mobile had been broken and i could have contacted him through work (when i have done this his mates have put the phone down on me!!).

 

I said to him we have stuff to sort out such as bills and whatnot he said for me to ring him on the sunday night at work i said i would. i did try and ring him and his mate said he wasnt here and he wasnt back in till wensday. i felt like a right idiot yet again. so i left but yesterday i sent him a message saying this

 

" i tried to ring you on sun like you said but you wrent there so its anthoer lie i know your with diane now but dont ignore me coz it eneded ok and i dont want it to be like this i just want you to be happy babe ring me or txt back 2nite"

 

he did duly ring and aplogised for yesterday he thought he was at work that night but he wasnt. he said he had talked to the friend i spoke to on the sat night and this friend said i had started screaming at him which is a complete lie and i told him that i said i have no reason to lie why would i do that??? he said he didnt know.

 

i asked him if he was actually seein this girl he said again he wasnt i asked him how he was and told him about the new job i had applied for then halway throught the conversation he said

" is your new fella treating you good then" i had to admit that i wasnt with anyone. he told me he was moving back to his home town and he asked if i was moving to spain with my parents i said no i dont want to go we talked a bit about the bills then he said he had to go. i asked him what he was doing after work and he said going home i asked him to meet up with me after work to get the bills sorted for half an hour he just came right out and said no i just cant see you right now. i will ring you wens to sort the rest out!!! is it me or is he giving me toatlly mixed signals or i am taking it the wrong way????

i need to be with him my dad thinks that his pride has just been hurt and that he does love me but i dont know!!

 

Please help!!!!!

 

Thanks

[j201714]

Help! someone gotta know what to do!!! i am going out of mind !

[MightyBoosh]

His own survivial instinct has kicked in, and hes keeping you out, not only because his pride has been hurt, but because he doesnt want to risk getting hurt again. You were the one who ended it, not him...Im really not trying to sound harsh, but he didnt choose to feel the way he does...I know you didnt either, but he REALLY didnt have a choice..he probably feels like hes just getting back on his feet, starting to see someone else, and you turn up on the scene again......maybe he thinks its the classic "I dont want you, but I dont want anyone else to have you"

I really hope I dont sound nasty because Im really not trying to be, just wanted to try and give it to you from the perspective of the other side...particularly from someone whos getting mixed messages from the dumper

[j201714]

i did ask him if he was seeing someone else but he said no. and i said on the txt message i just want him to be happy.

 

How can i tell him i want him to come back and i love him?

does it sound like he still cares??

[MightyBoosh]

ok, so people are trying to protect him by telling you hes seeing someone else, which, to me, shows hes really hurt by the break up...

From someone who was dumped, getting a text message saying "i just want you to be happy2 is like a kick in the stomach...it comes accross as "i dont want you, I want you to find someone else who can make you happy"...but what you want is for YOU to be the one whos with him making him happy...but you dumped him...so hes probably getting just as many mixed signals from you as you are from him....hope that makes sense

[j201714]

that makes sense. but i have seen him again!!!! he never rang the wens night i went to the pub got a bit drunk and then i decied to go to his work place asking him why he hasnt rung me (oh the shame!!) he didnt talk to me so i went home and got more and more angry like you do when your drunk and not thinking straight i got my mate to drive me up to his workplace and i waited till he had finshed work and conforted him! i asked why he didnt ring me and basically he was juslike f**k off he never said it but he was thinking it. i think maybe i have seen the light it feels a lot easier but low and behold he rings me! wants to meet up! now what??? so i said i would but i dont think i want to i have written him a letter but i dont if i should give it to him should i?!?!?! what does everyone think?!

[SuperDave71]

Hi there..

 

I say you stick with what you KNOW not what you assume.

 

If he calls you, it seems if he loved you HE WOULD BE LOVING...not a jerk.

 

So what if he calls you? You have to take a stand and stop lettin this guy have you running around like a chickn with your head cut off everything he says jump.

 

Who is in control of your life you or him?

 

 

Don't give him a letter...ITS JUST WORDS...by not answering your phone or seeing him THAT at least shows actions.

 

Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.

 

 

 

Do what you want but this doesn't sound like a loving relationship WHATSOEVER!

 

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

SuperDave71

[j201714]

Hi all,

 

Just an update on how things are going. i saw him out again on saturday night(i dont why he goes there as it is my haunt!!) i was really good just ignored him and said hiya then i saw his mates stood there laughing at me so i got really annoyed and started asking him if he thought it was funny and why he was laughing at me he said to me just f**k off and leave me alone. so i was really angry and lashed out i know i shouldnt have done but i was a bit drunk. so we arranged to meet up. on the sun day which we did.

 

he said to me i could never ever forgive you for hurting me the way you did(by chucking him out) i have never been so low in my life and i have never ever wanted to kill myself but i came so close it was unbelivble. and i will never forgive you for making me feel like that.

 

he dosent want to see me again and he told me he wouldnt5 be that bothered if i got run over tomorrow he said he has never loved anybody the way he loved me and he will never put him self in the postion to love someone that much ever again.

 

and that was it i tried to tell him i loved him and cared but he wasnt bothered.

 

i asked him if he was still angry and he said he was still really hurt and angry and peeded off. he sadi i thought my feelings might change towards you after a month and they still havent.

what now??