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"Spirit" advice needed here...


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Okay, the scenario....A new relationship, a couple in their early 40's ( a very CUTE couple too...) Very smitten with each other....in the early stages of considering marriage. I believe in hashing out everything before that step is taken..so I brought up his religiousity and my non-religiosity...namely...he is a christian and I am basically a spiritual person who believes in god, the great spirit in general..I have an open mind and will listen and learn from every religion. I do not believe that there is a chosen people who will only go to heaven. I think if you are a good person and affect the world in a positive way...you will be in a good place...(doesnt have to be "heaven" per se) I believe if you are an evil creep who hurts everyone...you will also get that coming back to you. I just do not put parameters on my beliefs....or house it with a cliquish church and think pastors or preachers are any better than anyone else. My boyfriend thinks I am damaged by my past experiences . I am afraid if I do not conform to his beliefs...we will not marry, thereforeeee ending this relationship. Am I wrong to stand by what I think and feel? I would be willing to accept his beliefs as long as he did not try to recruit or force me into his. (visa versa) His question to me was...Where would we marry? (Meaning I am sure, by a pastor or a witch doctor?) How could we solve this if it can be solved? I do love him.

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If the two of you don't have a problem with the other's beliefs, then finding a place to have/person to perform the ceremony shouldn't be a problem. Are you comfortable with each other's beliefs? Has he told you he won't marry you unless you conform to his beliefs? If he never came out and said that, and his actions don't show it, I wouldn't worry.

 

My SO and I believe differently, but it has never gotten in the way of anything.

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I am more like you in that I believe there is a higher power of some sort, and that if we do good deeds it will not go unnoticed. I don't believe that we need to attend church to be close to it, or to communicate with it. To me, "church" is where ever you find it. I am also open minded about religion and willing to hear almost any point of view. So I don't see anything wrong with your beliefs.

 

However, some people feel more intensely about it and are "programmed" in a way to not accept others who do not share their beliefs, and feel as strongly as they do about it. They try to force their POV onto others, and are not accepting of those who do not necessarily agree. My aunt is one of these. It's annoying.

 

Have you talked to your boyfriend about your different points of view? Has he actually said that he isn't willing to marry someone who does not share the exact same beliefs as he does? Have you talked about if you were to marry, how the children would be raised (i.e., the the church, attending CCD/Sunday School, etc)?

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I would just like to correct a common misconception. Most people in the church do not think the pastor is better than they are. I'm a pastor's kid so I know about things like this. However, I will admit there are some who believe the pastor has this mystical, special line to God.

 

I hope you do not take any offense to what I'm about to tell you. Typically, couples who do not share the same religion or relationship with God get divorced. And being a pastor's kid, I have seen this happen in my church. I have a different perspective of things. Just wanted to give you a different view on this. No offense meant.

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Coffee, I don't know if that's true, but from your perspective, that's probably what you'd see. It's like someone who works in a hospital ER saying that most people who drive in cars end up in car accidents. From your perspective, you'd be hyper-exposed to religion and religious arguments.

 

My husband and I have different beliefs. Mostly, it's just meant alot of long, interesting conversations.

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