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Depression is leading back to jealousy


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me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over 1 year. she has a long history to her where as i have none. she's messed around with other guys and had sex with one other guy. i used to be really jealous about this all and would lay in bed sometimes thinking about it all and her ex's and her past. it used to really eat me up inside, so bad that to a point i questioned if i could look past her past, and if i couldnt, id just end it and spare myself the thoughts...


well, that all came and past. i still get jealous but i overlook most of it now. ive come to the conclusion that she's with me now and she's a different person now.


for any of you who have read my post in the "pregnancy" section, you know all about our little problem right now. well, ive been really down about that and quite depressed about it. things just seem to go wrong for me anymore since that happened, and im just really really down.


i was on myspace about 10 minutes ago and was reading over my girlfriend's page. i found that she sent a comment to her ex. boyfriend that said sometihng like "you've been f*****!. send this to people you think are hot!" and all this. supposedly f***** means "friends u can keep" at the top of the post she also put "please dont take this the wrong way". i dont know if she meant for him to not take it the wrong way, or if it was a little subtle message for me whenever i found it.


i thought it was pretty crappy of her but i was just going to overlook it again. so i went to this other guy's page. he's been a long time mutual friend of both of us, long before we were dating. well, this guy has a picture of my girlfriend's other ex. boyfriend. and he's wearing a cutoff tshirt. (im not going to get into much of the significance of this, but i'll just leave it at me and my girlfriend had quite a fight over a comment she made about his arms way back when when he wears cutoffs)


when i saw this it was like a door opened up and all my jealousy came flooding back into me. it's an innocent picture, but it just what it stands for to me. so now im sitting here really down and trying not to think about her past. but its not working. i just feel like screaming and just driving somewhere far far away.


this is the worst feeling in the world...i have to juggle this sudden jealousy with the possibility she might be pregnant. when does it end? ive learned my lesson...this is just too much anymore.......

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