Should I be Worried?

[heartbaby14]

I don't know if I am posting this in the right place, but the issue does, in the end, come down to trust, so... Okay, here goes. I am married and in some ways I am very conservative. I don't have a problem with porn in general, but it really bothers me the thought of my husband looking at it and today I found some pornographic pics in his folder on my computer. (Note: I was not invading his privacy, I was helping him install something and was looking for the link and the pics were labeled pornstarpics (c'mon at least pretend to hide them!)) I don't know if this should bother me or not. I mean, just because he looks at porn to help him get off sometimes (and admittedly, I get sick a lot, so he's on his own a lot) this doesn't mean that he would cheat on me with someone else or that he loves me any less, does it? Part of my problem with this I guess is that I am not entirely happy with my body and I certainly do not look anything like those women in the pictures, so can he really be happy with me? Of course, it doesn't help me feel any better that I only discovered last night that my husband lied to me when we were dating about how many women he'd slept with (he told me five, which I did find hard to believe considering he's 30 and quite good-looking, but it's more like sixty, which I didn't expect). So I guess my question is this, should I be worried about my husband looking at porn, and does it reflect on how he thinks about me? Does it mean he's unhappy with how I look? I would really appreciate both men and women's perspectives on this.

[addictedblue]

this question has come up on this site quite often. i've never been in that situation but here's what i think. you said yourself you get sick and he needs help getting himself off. just because he enjoys looking at porn stars doesn't mean he has any desire to actually be with the woman he's looking at over you. it just gets him horny and he likes it. he married you didn't he?? he loves you. loving someone means you love everything including the persons body. i'm sure you read magazines and see hanes ads in there, doesn't mean you'd prefer doing that guy as opposed to your husband. so i definitely don't think the fact that he looks at porn would make him cheat on you or not love you. every guy does it seems, to me its weird when guys don't. hope i helped somehow.

[MEDSQ]

Problem with checking out porn is, is becomes an ever increasing 'habit'. After a while of regular porn 'sex', sex with a real, live person becomes difficult. Sometimes impossible without professional help.

 

Sit that man down and tell him your worries. All of them. How it makes you feel. What you're afraid of. If it's hard to talk about, then have a counseller mediate. You will realize that you're not the only one who feels insecure about one's own body. And I think you'll understand that most men think their partners are pretty darn sexy as they are. They don't need perfection - it's intimidating!!!

[Beec]

I don't think you should be worried at all. If he was looking at porn so much if affected your sex life, then I would think there was a problem. He's not comparing you to them, and he married you. So, I don't think that this is something to worry about, unless you just hate porn. And i cannot agree with those who think all porn is an abuse of women, certainly not when I have seen plenty of amateur porn done by women for nothing because they wanted it done.

[Rabican]

My take on porn is this, Its the same to me as my girl fantasizing by herself. Porn to me, is just a visual fantasy. You can either 'think' it, or

'watch' it.

Theres no other person involved with porn. Theres no stds, theres no feelings involved with another person, no phone sex, none of all that.

 

As long as porn doesnt start replacing the intimacy that you do have with your man, then I wouldnt view it as a problem.

 

WHen my girl tells me she watched porn during the day to get off, I actually think its hot. It doesnt bother me. However, if she said, ah, leave me alone im not horny because I just watched porn and got off. Then I would be a little bit miffed.