weed addiction Part II -sex tapes

[Little Penguin]

During the 5 days after I moved out of his house, suprisingly I only felt exhausted instead of being devastated . Had a few down moments but that was it. I thought I really loved him, how come I don't feel that bad after break-up? Anyway, last Saturday I went to his house to pick up the rest of my stuff. We were quiet friendly and he hugged me a few times. Then I mentioned that I wanted our sex tapes to be erased. He refused and told me he wanted to keep them. So we started fighting but he just wouldn't do it. I know he had a sex tape of his other ex gf and one time he even said if I would like to watch it. I was like "are you sick? I like to watch female bodis doesn't mean I like to watch your naked ex gf!!" (don't get me wrong. I am not a lesbian. I just think women are more beautiful then men. they are art) and I asked him he needed to get rid of it at certain point of our relationship. He said no way. Now he has my sex tape and who knows if he would show it to his next gf or not. He told me that's how he remembers his past. It's his memory. and I am making too much a big deal out of it. howeveer, to me it's very disrespectful and I don't think he has the right of doing so. Later on, he told me he still loves me just as he did seven days ago when I left him. He said he sees me as the person he can spend his whole life with. Now things are not going well and we should take a break from each other to see how we feel. He will quit smoking one day because he wants to. If I move to some other places for my new job, as long as it's in FL, he will consider moving with me.

 

My emotions are so messed up...how someone could love you and do those stupid disrespectful things at the same time? I am so confused..

[answersguy]

Note to self, don't make a sex tape with someone. And if you do, you be the holder. I completely agree, that's a {Mod Edit} move and it's actually more about having something on you (control) than it is about remembering his past. He thinks that if he has that tape, you're more likely to stick around for fear of retribution. Maybe you should let him think you're going to try to work things out and at some point when you're alone at his house, steal the tape and destroy it. He's obviosly an irration {Mod Edit} and isn't going to do it on his own. Take control of the situation!!!

[rocio]

. Maybe you should let him think you're going to try to work things out and at some point when you're alone at his house, steal the tape and destroy it.

 

I was thinking something similar. Legally, he has the right to keep those tapes. But according to any human decensy, he need to get rid of them. If I were you, I would stop at nothing to ensure they were gone. Even if you pressured him and he handed them over, there's a chance he would make copies. So I think you should sneak into his house when he's not there and take them. At this point, you need to do whatever you can to protect yourself. You will never feel totally secure knowing for the rest of your life that he has them, and can show them to anyone he likes. Not to mention that if things get really sour between the two of you, he has a huge weapon to use against you!

[Ash]

I tend to agree with the other posters, get your hands on those tapes by whatever means necessary otherwise there's no telling what he'll do with them. The least of your worries is his next gf seeing them.

[chai714]

Hard lesson learned: don't make sex tapes unless you are okay with other people seeing them. Keep in mind that most relationships don't result in marriage next time you consider making a sex tape.

 

Sounds like your r-ship is at the beginning of the end. You moved out, you want your stuff back, etc. Sounds like a breakup if you ask me. And if you do get a job that requires you to move, why would having him move with you make any sense? Is that supposed to fix things and make them right again?

[BellaDonna]

This is probably not the best advice- but I know what I would do if I still had a key... I'd be there looking for the tapes and they would go bye-bye.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Maverick32x]

I dont really condone his activity.... but the reality is... you agreed to be video taped, and you kind of had to think of the consequences..... at the time I'm sure it seemed like a great idea, but now that you have broken up, its not exactly the best move...

 

as for "get the tapes by any means necessary" approach... but careful, cause the last thing you want to do is break into his house and get caught that defintely won't look good!!

 

As for him saying he loves you ect ect.... who knows? Alot of that is due to the relationship just being broken up, give it some time and see what happens... unless you are completely uninterested, than just ignore it~

[Ash]

I think there's a fine line somewhere here to do with rights and ownership of the video footage. I'm about as far from a lawyer as I can be, but I suspect there was an implicit (and perhaps even explicit) undertanding that the video was just for the usage (enjoyment??) of the two people involved. I'm not convinced he would be legally correct in being allowed to distribute without her consent, and further I'm not sure that she can't formally ask to have them destroyed. Consider the Barbardo tapes and the fact that the person making them did NOT have the rights to do with them as they pleased. I realize that's an entirely different thing though. Still, I suspect unless Little Penguin actually granted him full rights to the tapes he's not actually free to do whatever he wants with them.

 

There's also this difficulty aboug break and enter. Again, she likely had either implicit (or explicit) rights to come and go from his home as she wanted. Unless specifically forbidden I don't know if it would be considered break and enter.

 

Again, I'm not a laywer, but perhaps more things to think about.

[Little Penguin]

He hid them somewhere...I already searched every corner that I could...We really thought about marriage when we were in the relationship...He kinda resents me because I left him due to his weed problem...deepdown I don't think he would do anything with it...but it just so damn uncomfortable that someone is watching me naked....I don't think it's legal for him to post them online without my consensus...why is he doing this to me? He agreed to break up! It's not one side...

[rocio]

If you absolutely can't think of anywhere else to look, you could always try crying. I don't know about your bf, but with most guys this is the best way to get what you want.

[chai714]

Breakups are almost always one-sided. How many times have both people said, at the EXACT same time, "I think we should end this relationship."

[Little Penguin]

tried it...didn't work...I only got him to promise not to use them anywhere else...he had a law degree..he says he had my consent at the time of recording and those tapes physically belong to him, as a result the video contents are his too...whatever..I still don't think he has the right to distribute them....will never do this again till I get married

!!

[Maverick32x]

I must of missed the part about him distributing them.... if that is the case, I'm pretty sure its illegal to distibute pornographic material of someone against their consent..... think about stuff like Girl's Gone Wild... all the girls on there have to sign TONS of consent forms, unless you signed some form... I'm sure you can sue him for a good amount of money.. deframation of character.... ect....

 

oh ya, and blackmail is illegal too~

[Ash]

It all sounds rather unpleasant. He's certainly not being at all nice about it. Even if he wants them for his own use I would have hoped he'd have the decency to surrender them when you discussed it.

 

You know him better than us, do you think he'll do anything else with them?

[rocio]

If crying and stealing don't work, then I'm running low on ideas.

 

You might want to be very careful with this, but do you hold any leverage? Do you know any deep, dark secrets that you could "blackmail" him with?

 

Now we're getting very, very low. It might be better just to let him have the tapes. I hope they're not too naughty. Because, come on, what's the worst someone would think of you if they saw it? That you were intimate with your boyfriend? Not exactly the end of the world... He's the one who will look like the * * * if he ever shows these to anyone - not you!

[Little Penguin]

Hopefully, he is not that bad...but he did ask me if I wanted to see he and his ex gf's video tape...he is not that decent...But thanks for all the support...yeah, that's right, I haven't signed any consent forms yet...so if he does do bad things, I will sue him, may be I can get a few bucks out of it....That makes me feel much better...

[answersguy]

Yeah, you do have one thing on him. He's a pot head. Let him know that you're going to start calling in Anonymous complaints to the police about him having drugs in his possession until he hands over the tapes. Also, I really need some advice on my girlfriend's mom. Could someone please help a brother out?

[Aleadragonhawk]

Threats and blackmail probably aren't a good idea, and threatening to reveal his addicition might result in him becoming violent. I think you're just going to have to accept that he has the tapes of you two en flagrante delicto. If nothing else it's a good lesson for the future. Altogether this guy sounds pretty sleazy, I'd try to just keep him out of my life. Don't let him hold the tapes over you.

[cantexplain]

This is a controlling person who will act out more viciously if he knows you revealed his true nature to others.

 

This is what people like he is do. And since he is using this tape as leverage over you you are in a real crux. Yet again, he may wish to prove you wrong by not showing the tape and doing something else, maybe worse. This is his way of keeping you engaged with him.

 

And being nice to him so he doesn't share your personal information is also just plain insulting, I'm sure.

 

Remember, if he does show this he is also diminishing his own social reputation - a fact that can follow him as well.

 

I would contact a lawyer who specializes in copyright law.

 

When a model signs a contract with a photographer the contract indicates whether the exchange of the person's identity (image) is for "buyout" or certain "usages'. I think that you could make the argument that you have a verbal contract with this guy that (a) this is your tape he made for you (but did not return on break-up), or (b) upon break-up the tape is destroyed, or © that the usage is that only you and he enjoy the tape together, or (d) that the tape is only for his and/or your viewing, or (e) it is for buyout - meaning he can show it to anyone.

 

Now its your word against his. And I don't know what your agreement was.

 

So if you document this verbal contract and he shares your tape, you can then document this breach of contract through another person's testimony (some future ex of his may share this with you or you may find out about it another way) you will have a written document to clean the loser's clock.

 

You may also wish to let this slide and if he shares it take the same route I've described above. Problem is there are statutory limitations to copyright law and with no written contract once the tape might surface in many years, be dupicated and repeated on the Internet, anything - and you did not pursue the return of the tape he could claim defacto ownership after some time.

 

That is my thinking on this situation. I am NOT an attorney, but use to represent commercial photographers.

[BellaDonna]

Hopefully, he is not that bad...but he did ask me if I wanted to see he and his ex gf's video tape...he is not that decent...But thanks for all the support...yeah, that's right, I haven't signed any consent forms yet...so if he does do bad things, I will sue him, may be I can get a few bucks out of it....That makes me feel much better...

 

I would casually tell him that you'd like a copy of the tapes because you want to "remember" those "good" times too (like he does). That way, if you get a copy, you also have footage of his naked behind in case he does anything stupid. It's always good to have leverage. Seeing that he is being very friendly, you may be able to get a copy- especially if you tell him it turns you on. His ego may give you a copy.

 

BellaDonna

[cantexplain]

I would casually tell him that you'd like a copy of the tapes because you want to "remember" those "good" times too (like he does). That way, if you get a copy, you also have footage of his naked behind in case he does anything stupid. It's always good to have leverage. Seeing that he is being very friendly, you may be able to get a copy- especially if you tell him it turns you on. His ego may give you a copy.

 

BellaDonna

interesting.

 

I'm not sure if this situation might get even stickier if he really thinks she does like/appreciate him again. So she gets the tape and she goes NC again. He might get worse.

 

Also, is adding in this risk worth being dishonest about her true feelings?

 

But this is a very interesting alternative to at least securing a copy.

 

Remember, guys are more likely to be glad to show off their sexual exploits in public - especially with someone they spite but who is also a catch.