ebsmith1 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 My last break of NC was on New Year's Eve and it broke my heart all over again. I've thought about him constantly since then. Last night his favorite team made it to the Super Bowl (I'm in the states) and I sent him a very short e-mail. For the first time I didn't feel too much like crying when I did it. He didn't respond. I'm only a little shocked that he didn't. He responded on New Year's. He goes back and forth between responding and not responding, although these have been the only two attempts at contact since my immediate stage of it right after the breakup. I'm hurt and I wouldn't recommend that anyone else break it, but I feel better than I thought I would. I thought about it a lot after I did it. I went back over the whole relationship in my head and I came to the conclusion that he's an idiot for letting me go. The only thing that I did wrong in our relationship was pressure him too much about getting married. I was probably a bit of a nag at times, but usually only about his health (which I consider loving, not really nagging). But aside from that I did everything right. I constantly and consistently loved him. I showed him every day that I did, not just on special occasions. I was faithful to him and trusted him. I did anything he ever needed me too and tried my best to make his life easy and happy. I continued to take care of myself so I was attractive for him and I did just about anything he asked me too. I don't think that in that time I compromised myself in any way or put his needs above mine. I think overall I loved him in a very healthy way and would have done so for the rest of my life. He's a fool and I think he knows it. I think that's why he's already living with someone and why he hasn't made contact on his own. I think his guilt at breaking my heart and our engagement is probably hurting him just as much as I'm hurting right now. I don't think its at all foolish of me to think this way. I think he's at rock bottom right now and he'll either fix it or he'll stay there. Will he ever come back? I doubt it. Do I want him too? Still more than anything, but I don't know if it would be a good idea. Just thought I'd share. Link to comment
robowarrior Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Anyone who dumps you on a special occasion like christmas,valentines,new years eve is a horrible individual and not worth wasting your breathe on. You see these kind of people dump you on a special occasion because they know it will hurt you extra hard. In any case its his loss, and although its ok if you will keep on loving him forever, its important for you to understand that that relationship was at a dead end road, and that you can only turn your car around and head back to the mainway of life, and find yourself a new road and a new person who does consider you as their nr.1 in life. To who you can give and receive love back from. Link to comment
ebsmith1 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 Just to clarify, he didn't dump me on a holiday. We've been broke up since the middle of August. I had an initial period of contact, the typical pleading and shameful stuff. Since then I have made infrequent contact with long stretches of NC in between. Link to comment
ebsmith1 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 Well he responded to my contact this morning. Nothing more than what I expected. Short sweet and like he's talking to an acquaintance. At least I only cried for a few minutes this time. I hate this, this is not the way its supposed to be. I just can't let myself believe this is over. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Well he responded to my contact this morning. Nothing more than what I expected. Short sweet and like he's talking to an acquaintance. At least I only cried for a few minutes this time. I hate this, this is not the way its supposed to be. I just can't let myself believe this is over. I really feel for you ebsmith... Your situation kind of depletes my hope for reconciliation with my ex. Its hard to accept that someone who loved me deeply would rather be alone than with me. I pray to God to give you strenght and happier times. Link to comment
ebsmith1 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 Well even sadder is that he's not alone. He had his new girlfriend move in very shortly after we broke up all the while telling me that he just "needed to get his head on straight" and that I was still going to be the one. We were together for three years, he proposed, and then left me for someone else. I just don't get it. I mean I think I do get it because he's got some real issues, but I don't know how I can get passed what could have been. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Well even sadder is that he's not alone. He had his new girlfriend move in very shortly after we broke up all the while telling me that he just "needed to get his head on straight" and that I was still going to be the one. We were together for three years, he proposed, and then left me for someone else. I just don't get it. I mean I think I do get it because he's got some real issues, but I don't know how I can get passed what could have been. What he did to you is amazingly bad, It only makes me think twice about getting serious with someone again in the future... Today Im having a hard time finding words of encouragement. I feel betrayed by my own heart. Life is not supposed to be this painful. But we have to keep on living... I have a dream, I see myself married, with kids, happy... lets pursue our dreams... Link to comment
ebsmith1 Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 It makes me very afraid for the future as well. That's part of the reason that he is the way that he is now though, so I can't let myself get like him. He's so afraid of getting married again because his first one was so bad that he can't settle down until he finds perfection again. He thinks things should feel like they did when he got married at 19 and can't realize that he's a different person now than he was then, and he's been hurt, so its a lot scarier. I can't be like him though, I can't be afraid to trust someone or give them my heart because I don't want to end up alone like he will. Even his father (who's alone) warned him that he was headed down that path and that if he loved me he needed to get over the fear and marry me. Instead he decided to bail and go onto the next person, who I can tell he's not happy with. He's never going to be happy until he confronts his demons. I think that's why we have found this site, because we want to get our demons out before they take over our life. We want to heal from the pain so that we can move on and be happy, he doesn't want to admit how unhappy he is. We'll come out on top! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 You are right, lets not become fearful and avoid happiness. Life is about taking risks, its about loving freely... Fear only limits our ability to love and be happy. So, yeah, lets exorcise our demons, our happiness can be found within us. I think it is unfair to make someone else responsible for our own happiness, so lets put ourselves in charge of our lives and try to live to the fullest. I know the day will come when someone will love us for what we are, with all our virtues and defects... Thanks for the post, It was really motivating... (and I was supposed to give you words of encouragement haha). ((hugs)) Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now