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I don't know anymore......Please help


colleen
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Hi all

 

Let me introduce myself as I'm new to this forum and glad I found.

 

I'm 32 and feel like I''m going nuts or already nuts!!!! I was in a relationship 4yrs ago now and it was amazing.... He was actually my boyfriend in year 7 (12yrs old) nothing serious of course at that age, there was just a connection. Both our parents are from different countries and came to australia he was not born here and I was. Anyway we met again 15 years later. I was at a pub with some friends and went to get a drink as i was walking back I heard my name being called as I looked up it was him!! I recognized him straight away, there was a connection....... I had to have him all of him and i never believed in love at first sight before until now. I was so nevious and excited the feeling was amazing and I have never felt it again! We spent a year together I knew he was my soulmate, but he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend!!! By then it was to late so much damaged was done towards the end nothing could change what had happened we were both responsible. But in the time we where together it was magic so intence it was like being on some kind of drug all most urealistic a fairytale. I had never want to touch, kiss, make love, hold, caress, spend all of my time with well I guess you get the idea..Anyway since the break up I have had this heavy place in my soul, heart, dark, lost, tight etc..... I just learned to live with it. I am in a relationship now he is wonderful and has been there for me he does not know the extent of the feelings of what i had for my soulmate, but my boyfriend has stood by me in every possible situation unlike my soulmate. This is where I feel like I'm going nuts because in the last few days it has been stronger this feeling of my soulmate an urge I can't control but hiding so well as I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, even though he knows a little of this past relationship. My boyfrind has helped me set up my business, we have made a home and redecorating, planning holidays all of what you do in a great relationship. Is there somethig that is unresolved, did I not see him for what he really was, is he my soulmate - is there such a thing as a soulmate?

Is there still a connection no matter where you are in this world? Or am I just mental or selfish cause I have a wonderful man and not letting go of the past? I appreciate, love, understand the partner I have and don't take him for granted. Can you have a physic connection with someone? I'm so confused....

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Hi there colleen, nice to see another Aussie around the place.

 

I'm going to sound harsh, but I do think that the concept of a soulmate is pure fantasy. Yes indeed you may have had an incredible connection, but that does not mean you were "made for one another" in that romantic movie sense, where it's all about kizmet or whatever.

 

I think that what you have here is actually controllable, you have been reinforcing your own brain pathways about this ex, and you can choose to think differently if you want to. It's hard, like anything you crave, but maybe you can train yourself to think differently. Rather than reminiscing about the past perfection, remind yourself of the reasons you broke up. Distract yourself.

 

I would also try and train your brain more with your current partner. There is a magic there also, so look for it. If there is genuinely no chemistry, then you try and make it artificially and hope it takes, or you move on.

 

I realise I made this sound simple, and a bit lacking in empathy, sorry. I do know what you're talking about and it's not easy. However, I think you are looking into the past for your own reasons, and you may have mythologised this past relationship at the expense of your current one. There is no such thing as a soulmate, there are just people who you connect with better on some levels, sometimes.

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I felt the same way too but then you end up realizing that person your with all along is the one your soul aches for. I am with someone almost 2 years in summer 07 and I still remember that guy that got away back in 2002. In my opinion there is no such thing as a soul mate I think we are in love with the idea of someone out there matching the same feeling inside their soul as we feel in our soul. Trust me I would be spending a many night crying over this guy that went away while I am with someone. In the end when my boyfriend left me I forgot about that past lover and ended up missing or wasting time focusing on the past instead of focusing on the present and keeping my boyfriend happy. So to you I say not think so much about this past I know this is a part of you and a chapter in your life but try not to dwell too much on it because your present might get away. You can learn from that mistake like being careful not to trust someone so much that they will tell you lies as in your case that he was with somone while with you. I know deep down you will always have this feeling for this man that went away but you must try to put this in the past and really focus on your present and future with your current guy. I think everyone goes through a phase where we think about the person that got away and how it haunts our thoughts and if they were really our soulmate but now they are gone. We are just in love with the impossible or the way things were but can never be. Sorry if my advice was not much but look to the bright side and enjoy every moment with your guy. Welcome to Enotalone!

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