Time to let go......

[HarleyHunny]

I've had to let go of my 16 yr old son! I can't control him anymore. He barely goes to school. He lies about where he is. He's more loyal to his friends than to his family lately. I try to remember what it was like being a teen. Tough years and wouldn't go back for all the money in the world....He left for school on Friday, I thought he went to his father's after school but he just now called to say he's been at the hospital with his sick friend & her baby! He has no gas in his car and no money. When I said I was on my way, he said NO, he was staying there! I don't even know what hospital they're at......I do know this baby has been ill off an on since she was born.....I'm thankful my son is not the father!....I provide him with a car, I pay the insurance, I give him a tank of gas weekly, I pay for private school! I work TWO jobs to do this....He has no respect for me what so ever....I fear he's using drugs.....I don't trust him anymore...I've punished, I've praised. I've given, I've taken away...I've done all I know to do...My heart is breaking, but I have to let go and take care of me now........That may sound terrible coming from a mother but I'm at the end of my rope with him. I can not change him, thereforeeee it's time to protect myself....Thoughts and prayers are gladly accepted.

 

:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

[jengh]

oh wow... he sounds like a handful. I'm sorry...

 

It sounds to me like he has no respect for you or your authority whatsoever. Maybe he feels like he doesn't need to respect you because either way, he'll get a car, gas, private school, etc. handed to him.

 

Does your son have a job?

 

Maybe it's time you make him pay for his own insurance and gas. I think he needs to take more responsibility.

[HarleyHunny]

I agree, it's past time for him to start paying his part....He says he's been looking for a job....It's become a "catch 22" - he must have a car & gas to get to school, no bus is available....

[sandyv]

Hey Harley, I'm in the same boat, only my son is older than that.... and now he lays the guilt trip on me... well I bc I never had a dad that loved me etc. etc... good lord, I've done my best, but apparently that just isn't enough....

 

I don't have money to buy myself anything, everything is Michael, Michael *my son* and I don't know how to fix things.... I love him so very much, but am losing my mind and my patience both right now.... I can relate.... it totally sucks to be a mother sometimes.....

 

My prayers are with you, pray for me too ok? I guess we both need alot of prayers right now.....

[chocolady]

he just now called to say he's been at the hospital with his sick friend & her baby!

 

As a mother of a 17 year old son I'm telling you that whatever you do.... DON'T MISS THAT!!!.

 

He thought of YOU worrying at home so he called. He cares about others enough to stay with them in a supportive role.

 

He can't be all bad. I think there is still hope. Have you ever though of family counselling, would you both be willing to give it a shot?

[avman]

Sorry to hear about this. It really sounds like you've tried everything you can. But if your son is unwilling to work this out at all, then you are right in thinking you need to focus on yourself.

 

Stop paying for the car, insurance, gas, private school, and so on. If he's bound and determined to defy you, there is no reason you need to financially accommodate it.

 

Get some counseling for yourself so that you have some support. You might even try finding a support group of other parents that have similar issues with their children. They would likely have a wealth of advice of what worked and what didn't work for their children.

[sandyv]

Yeah Avman, sounds easy, but prolly would be hard to get kids at this age to agree to counselling.... but it is an idea.... I'm personally at the end of my rope (as is Harley) with my personal problems, and to deal with this kid... is soo difficult and heartbreaking as well.....

[avman]

No, I meant that HarleyHunny should get counseling for herself to help support her through this. Sorry, I wasn't very clear.

[sandyv]

Well thnx for clarifying that Avman, I understand..

 

No I was trying to explain to Harley how I can relate to how she feels, I'm more or less in the same boat, or prolly in a worse situation since my son is older... its tough stuff to deal with, thats for sure ....

[anggrace]

Please dont give up on your son. While I realize you may not be able to controll his decisions and you may feel you efforts mean nothing, they do. He just doesnt realize it yet. I was an extremely rebelious 16 year old and regretebly put my mom through hell. I didnt obey her at all and I knew she was hurting. Even though I did what I was going to do, she made it known that she had faith in me and hopes for me. Although she eventually let go of the reigns, she never let go of her hopes for me. At the time I couldnt appreciate it, but know I do. She is my best friend and we are very close. I would never do anything to hurt her again and it means so much to me that she made me feel loved despite how bad I was. I beat myself up for years regreting the time I waisted rebelling and doing nothing really. My self esteem was very low. Her unconditional love, support and acceptance is what put me on a better path.

[CrZZy_me]

I'm scarely in a position to give advice to anyone about anything. However I will say at 16 people are mostly dumbbutts. In my experience most guys that age need a good behind kicking. But that's just my point of view.

Keep in mind however that at 16 you are legally responsible for him. If he breaks the law, is caught after curfew, ect.. you may be held legally responsible for him and face legal repercussions. You might go to your local PD and find out what the laws are in your area.