New girls in picture, can't get ex out of head

[Dexter]

I am wondering if anyone can give me some advice here. I have been single now for almost 4 months. Ex broke up with me and I still love her and want to be with her. I know I need to move on and take care of myself, so that is what I have been doing. Friends have told me to go out and start dating, so I have decided to take that advice. I met a girl and we have spent some time together. She is really into me, but I can't seem to get into her. I can't get my ex out of my head. This is interfering with my communications to her (verbal and non-verbal) and I also know that it would interfere sexually. I can't seem to be sexually aroused by any girl other than my ex, or if I am engaged with another girl I am still thinking about my ex. I don't know how to get her out of my mind!?!? My friends tell me that I am in this box, because I think my ex is the most attractive person in the world and the best person ever and they disagree and say I can do much better, but of course I don't agree.

 

My ex and I still talk and hang out as friends. That may be part of the problem why I can't stop thinking about her, but I really don't want to kill our friendship. The other night I was at her house, and I had thought that I saw a condom in her trash. I paniced. I didn't say anything to her but probably would have it it was a condom, but stupid be looked closer and it turned out not to be one. Just the thought of her sleeping with someone else drove me insane. I got all shaky, my heart started racing really fast, and I couldn't talk w/out my voice shaking. I hate feeling like this. I believe that my ex is the one and I love her more than anything and it seems impossible for me to get 100% over her although I would like to start meeting new people if that is my only option. It is just hard for me to meet new people and have a good time when I'm constantly thinking about my ex.

[Princess777]

Hello,

 

I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time getting over your ex. We have all been there and it is definitely not a high point in our lives...

 

It sounds like you were/are very devoted to her and that spending the time that you do with her is definitely not helping the situation. She is the one missing out on such a great partner who knows how to love. I also don't think that going out with other people is such a good idea right now. It's not fair to yourself, nor to the other person as you may be leading them on. You need to give yourself time to grieve and find yourself. You need to figure out what makes YOU happy, when you're not in a relationship. When you know that you can wake up smiling and happy to be alive regardless of whether or not she is around, you should begin dating again if you feel like it.

 

I would first suggest to cut off all contact with her, I know that might sound drastic but this will send her the message that you can no longer allow her to play with your emotions by just being "friends". She may be reveling in the fact that she knows you still want her. This is an ego trip for her. I think that is a very delicate matter (friends after a breakup) and almost never works if the two were serious about each other. When it does work, I commend those people because that is very difficult to handle. Breaking off contact will also show her that she will not have the pleasure of your company anymore, and you might find out later that she cannot handle that. She may come around, she may not. But the point is, don't put yourself through the misery of seeing her. If you're at all like me, it's all or nothing, and no in between. I think you deserve to have what you want in life and don't settle for less.

 

If you're struggling for a way to break the contact, you don't even have to say anything to her. If that's not your style, then just be very matter-of-fact when you tell her that you feel this friendship is not a productive one. Stop the friendship in the way that is the most comfortable for you. I wouldn't pour your heart out to her, whatever you do. You might let her know that you still care deeply for her, but that just being friends is not what you want, so you're choosing to end the friendship. Leave it at that and then try to move on with your life. She should respect that and if she gets mad then that's her problem. No one should be strung along like that. Try to read some of the articles and posts here about the topic of getting over someone, and buy some self-help books. Keep posting to us and we will support you through your difficult time. Hang in there......

Princess777

[street]

hey dexter we have spoke before and we seem to be at similar stages, im like u still friendly with my ex..to be honest i can't even imagine being with anyone else yet so im just staying single...i know eventully we will both be able to start another relationship..don't beat urself up over it just chill and enjoy being single...im starting to understand that u need to be happy with urself before i can commit to someone else..

 

the way i look at it is i don't want to wreck what could be a great new relationship by starting it when im not ready...so just take ur time theres no rush!!

[Mar]

You answered your own question.....if your ex isn't out of your head and your heart, you don't need to be with anyone else till she is, or you get back together with her. Not sure of option #2 there, but still.....it's not fair to hook up with another girl on the rebound....give it time and see how you feel later on, there's definitely no rush to get back into another relationship when you're still torn up over this one.