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BF's loss, how to behave

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There is a chance that my bf's grandfather might pass away soon. My bf is flying back to his family from afar to see him.


I live in a different city a few hours away from his family. I am wondering what I should do. I want to help him and support him through this tough time in any way, but I can't directly do that. His distant family doesn't know me personally so I can't be around and interfere. I don't expect him to come visit me during this time either. I want to offer my condolences, but not sure how to do it without interfering with their family business.


Should I send flowers or something? I don't want to seem apathetic or uncaring, but it doesn't involve me really, yet I should show my support somehow.


Any tips? Like, I don't even know what to say to my bf. I tell him if he needs anything I am there. Otherwise I just end up talking about normal stuff, but that feels like I'm being uncaring. Hm...how can I remotely offer him my arms?

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I can assure you that simply being there for him is enough. You can't take away the pain your bf is and will experience...however, you can assure him (with your actions of just being close and helping out when needed) that you are there for them. Opportunities will present themselves, you don't need to go looking for them.


Just be open to helping wherever you can.Ask if they'd like you to(help with this or that) .... They may say no but at least they know you are willing to help. And don't get offended if they resist you efforts to help....every family is different and deals with these issues differently.


Also, it's normal for them to tell the same stories (about the loved one) over and over....it helps with healing. Smiling and being patient with them while they do this can be an enormous benefit.


Your bf's emotions may swing wildly from one minute to the next. One minute they are laughing and carrying on like nothing is wrong, the next second they are bawling uncontrollably. That's part of the grief process and it's ok to simply give hugs and say you're sorry. There really is no perfect way to help....just be kind, patient and open to the process.


Good luck and God Bless.

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  • 1 month later...

there is a book called "Lament for a Son" by Nicholas Wolfersomething

it's the very personal writings about a father who lost a son

he talks about things that a person who's just lost someone does and does not want to hear. it's like less than 8 bucks as far as i can remember.


my ex's grandfather is going to pass away soon, as hard as that is for me to say.. i'm not sure how much you love this guy. i went out with my ex for 7 months. she broke up with me and i'm giving her time away from me right now.. but god forbid, when her grandfather dies my god i will buy her a ticket home, pick her up from the airport and drive her 5 hours to the grand father's place.


i don't know how his family is.. but when you go above and beyond for someone they will respect you so much because you're a caring human being. when my dad past away i had neighbors of friends send flowers and visit, i thought these people were amazing and it made me feel better

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