What does she want?

[the_dude456]

So I posted a few days ago about how my ex broke up with me because the passion was gone and she felt like i wasnt contributing to the relationship. But a few days after we broke up she called me and talked to me like everything was fine and we were friends. Then she saw me a few days after that and gave me a hug and we talked for a bit. When I saw her in class later that day and sat next to her, she ignored me and seemed bothered by my talking to her. I called her afterward and she said she wasn't trying to ignore me. Later that day we had a seminar to go to and she came up and sat next to me! I didn't really speak to her and that was that. The following day she texts me to say whats up and ask me about the weather...lol...its been cold down here and it usually isnt. We texted back and forth a couple times before I sent her a text message that didnt require a response.

 

I love this girl, I would like to get back with her but I am 22yrs old and could really do without the high school drama (worst part is she's 25). I feel like shes playing with me, or using me as a safety blanket; as a grad student I have more stress than I need without the added stress I get from her. I personally think the best thing for me to do is avoid contact and force her to make a decision, I really dont know what shes doing, and I dont think she does either. Does anyone have any insight into what she wants, or what approach I should take? Keep in mind that, as it stands right now, I still would like to get back with her.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

My cheating ex also used that phrase about 'the passion is gone'. The trick of a relationship is this - is there enough to keep you around when the infatuation's died off?

 

Anyway, I think you have good instincts and you should follow them. You don't want to be making her your priority while remaining her option. That feels terrible. And that is the game she is playing.

[heloladies21]

I personally think the best thing for me to do is avoid contact and force her to make a decision

In situations like this, there's only one set of steps that you can take if you wanna do what's right for you.

 

You're right, you do need to get a final answer from her. She's not gonna want to give you one, but basically you want to know if she wants to get back together with you right now. Anything other than an outright yes should be interpreted as a no.

 

Then you have a decision to make. Are you willing to accept this as a final answer and move on with no hope of reconcilliation? Because there is no reason to believe that she's gonna change her mind. That would be the all famous false hope. And you don't want someone to be with you who isn't 100% into you and behind the relationship anyways.

 

Once you get to this point, then you request NC. Tell her outright and tell her why so there's no miscommunication. Then you can move on with no doubts.