Its just going to get worse?

[BrokenHeart82]

I hope this is the right place to post. Ive been having serious doubts about The man Ive been seeing the past 3 weeks.

 

While he has his good points and moments, several things about him just dont sit right with me

 

He has bipolar and has told me in the past he's gone off his meds and its been a big mess. He also has a child which in and of itself isnt a deal breaker, but it is an extra consideration before considering entering into something.

 

The final, and maybe biggest thing is his careless remarks. Ya'll might remember the comment from a couple weeks ago "love that fat " which he explained didnt mean he thinks im fat. But just like any girl, the f word is hard to hear and I was hurt. The last couple times we have gotten together hes jokingly made other references. He called me Chewbaca, whatever THAT means and then laughed it off and then he called me "Big Mama" on two occasions. I am NOT big..im a size 9/10..average girl. He is 5 foot 7 and about 135 lbs, a little thin. He has made comments about being too skinny..is he making mean comments to me because of how he feels? He also has made remarks that sortof imply im stupid. He asked me for directions and when i asked what landmarks he saw because im nt good with streets and road names he said "Jesus, you only drive this way every day of your life!" and when i called him on it he said "look, stupidity gets to me"

 

Reguardless...even though he also tells me im beautiful, sexy, etc...his mean comments leave me feeling low even though I typically have high self esteem.

 

Should I talk to him or at this early stage in the game is it best to consider that he really doesnt take my feelings into account and probably wont.

 

Also, he mentioned a couple days ago that his ex (the mom of the baby) had commented that he thinks all girls are fat and stupid and now im tending to agree!

[gfein347]

Well, anyone with any brains at all has got to recognize that making comments like that will be hurtful. And from what you wrote, it sounds like it happens often. If you're really into him, I'd tell him firmly and clearly that you're hurt by his comments and he needs to stop making them. Give him one chance to stop. If he doesn't stop, then clearly he doesn't respect your feelings, and to me, that would be a dealbreaker.

[hosswhispra]

I see red flags here. I don't like him calling you fat or big momma. I don't like him implying that you're stupid. He sounds very impatient (the driving comment). I would lose him fast before you become more and more involved with him. If you have a relationship with him, he'll continue to 'whittle' away at your self esteem. Love yourself and do the best thing for you---get out while the goings good.

 

Good luck,

hosswhispra

[fnlyfrei]

So, what about him do you LIKE? Does it outweigh the obvious obnoxiousness? Ask yourself...would I want to live with this every day? If anyone I dated called me fat in any shape or form within the first few weeks, I would make sure I lost about 135 pounds quick. HIM. You sound like a very intelligent woman..and you could do much better.

[BrokenHeart82]

Yes, from the beginning (within the first couple dates) I began to see red flags and realized that this man obviously isnt for me.

 

You are right on about the impatience...and intolerance..and yet he goes on and on about his love for Jesus (i just find it ironic that he does this when he doesnt show love to his fellow man, or in my case woman).

 

Anyhow, I think that I know what needs to happen, I just wanted to make sure I wasnt being oversensitive!

 

A healthy relationship shouldnt have this issue, especially so early on!

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Hi Brokenheart...

 

I personally wouldn't stick around to find out how much damage this guy is going to do to your self esteem. I would venture to say that no matter how many times he tells you you are beautiful ..in the back of your mind your remember the negative comments.

 

No one has the right to call anyone stupid ..impatient or not. It's just wrong.

 

Would you take that kind of behavior from a good friend or would you tell that friend ... you don't like it..and take a walk?

 

It is my belief that if a man (or woman) you are dating shows signs of behavior that is NOT acceptable (to me)... within the first month ..i end things... because its only going to get worse. Why should you have to deal with that when there are probably much nicer men out there that would treat you with respect and kindness.

 

Whatever you decide..good luck to you =)

[Hope75]

Wow- If he is acting like this much of a jerk after dating only for 3 weeks I don't even want to know what he'd be like if you stuck around.

 

I hope you see this for what it is- he's a classless jerk who obviously has some insecurities about his height and weight and is taking that out on you. I would not put up with this for another second- he is not worth your time.

 

What are you going to do?

[BrokenHeart82]

Well I first realized he had issues when he told me how im the tallest girl hes been attracted to and made comments that i shouldnt wear heels (played it as a joke, i dont think it was).

 

Hes obviously insecure and trying to bring ME down and I cannot allow that to happen. Id rather be alone then be unhappy. I believe that I will end it as tactfully as possible, without finger pointing but i will let him know why i want out. As a previous poster said, even if he told me im gorgeous a thousand times, in the back of my head id think he thinks im too big.

 

I honestly know this will sound petty but I have been nothing but a warm person (this is how i try to live my life) I embraced that he has a young son, an unideal situation with the mother, a mental disorder...and ive been supportive. It hurts that in return he has taken to tearing down my self esteem!

 

The other day we took a shower together (he snuck in to "surprise" me) and then joked how he couldnt feel the water through me, we changed spots and he lost his footing claiming that my butt knocked him over!

 

Wow its amazing how typing this makes me realize how horrible it is! Im embarrassed that ive allowed this!

[Scotcha]

Wow- If he is acting like this much of a jerk after dating only for 3 weeks I don't even want to know what he'd be like if you stuck around.

 

My thoughts EXACTLY!

[rosie76]

The other day we took a shower together (he snuck in to "surprise" me) and then joked how he couldnt feel the water through me, we changed spots and he lost his footing claiming that my butt knocked him over!

 

Wow its amazing how typing this makes me realize how horrible it is! Im embarrassed that ive allowed this!

 

This is the best kind of therapy - all those things you allowed for and doubted yourself about become patently ridiculous when you try to explain them to other people who aren't wrapped up in the emotions of trying something new. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but the previous poster who called him 'classless' is absolutely on the money. You sound fantastic, and anyone deserves better than this sort of rubbish.

 

Good luck.

[Hope75]

Yeah, This guy doesn't sound like a total package or anything, so I don't think you will be losing out on too much.

 

I am glad that you are going to tell him to hit the road. No one should be allowed to talk to you like that-- least of all someone who is supposed to be 'courting' you.

 

Hope you keep us updated on what happens.