a broken friendship - how to fix and is it worth it?

[spirited]

We were really good friends. He used to say that he knew me better than anyone knew me, and I believed him. We were close, but we could never be more than friends. He is gay, and I don't think I could ever fall for someone like him. But sometimes I would be too clingy, and he would think that I had feelings for him. I guess that was one of the problems we had. I would explain that I never felt anything more, but he would still pull away.

 

I am/was depressed, and my friend would always take it upon himself to make me happy. To make me forget. But in doing so, he always made me feel ashamed about myself. He can be condescending at times, and he would make me feel like there was something wrong with me. So we started having problems. I started to not want to be around him because of the way he made me feel about myself. Whenever I try talking to him or explaining how I feel about things, he would always interrupt me and make himself be the one that knows everything or the one that is always right. And so eventually I gave up trying to explain things to him, and we drifted apart.

 

But I was still upset over everything because he was still a close friend, and I was so confused because I was starting to not like him at all. We're just so different. I'm the shy, inexperienced, nice one, and he's loud and insensitive at times. He's willing to step on others, including myself. He likes to push buttons and get people's reactions. And that's what he did to me when I tried to talk to him. He said something about me, and he made me tell him that I didn't want to be friends anymore. Now he can say that I'm the one that's walking away.

 

I try to tell myself that I didn't walk away, he drove me away. Sometimes, I think it's for the best that we're not friends anymore. Our personalities clash all the time. But I miss him. Despite all the times he made me cry, there were a lot of good times. I spent so much time with him, and it makes me sad thinking that all that time spent together is time wasted.

 

The other day was our friend's birthday, so a bunch of us went to her apartment to drink and hang out. He told me in passing that he missed me. He would take time to hug me, and I didn't really know how to react. One time I even hugged back. But he still somehow made me feel bad about myself in some way. Throughout the entire night, I kept thinking about how much I missed him, but when I left, I kept thinking that he's not good for me.

 

I don't know what to do. It feels weird how I'm so upset over a boy who isn't my boyfriend. It's just that I've invested so much into our friendship. It's just that I still care about him. It makes me upset that he says he misses me, but he hasn't done anything to show that he wants to make things better. He's not working on fixing our friendship, and so I don't know if I should. I don't know if it's worth it.

[Go_samurai_monkey]

Friendships are really important things and are always valued. It seemes to me he was the one that ruined such a good friendship and a really close bond because he likes to play with peoples emotions. Playing with anyones emotions for any reason is wrong and while he may still miss you it's not right foryou to try and make it work. Perhaps He misses the way your friendship was but if he makes no attempt at trying to make it work then I see no reason for you. I know how much it hurts to miss a dear friend and it hurts me when i think of the friendships I have lost throughout the years. There are never two friends who are exactly the same but the best thing you can do is to try and think of all the good fond memories you had with each other. Just remember though that good friends won't let you down and make you feel bad in your time of need and even though you may like or care about that person (in non romantic terms) doesn't always make them a good friend.