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What will restore my faith in women?


iceman85

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Right now I am having a hard time remaining trusting of women. In my past four relationships. I have had one girl leave me for my best friend. Another girl be with me then go back to her ex. A girl that I absolutley loved and was with for over a year basically cheat on me and now have a girl say she wants to be with me (even though its difficult because of how shes still in high school and im in college) say that we are sort of together yet goes and flirts with other guys all the time.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have no trust in the faithfullness of women. Granted I am 21, but I see lots of my friends have seemingly very stable relationships. From everything I hear they dont have girls doing this to them. I know people who are engaged, and lots of my friends have someone and yet all I have is horrible stories to tell.

 

It seems to me that girls just think they can freely do whatever without any reprecussions, and then when you try to stand up to them they flip everything on you and are gone. I just dont know anymore, i need something that will restore faith in me.

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Two things,

 

one, make sure you are not Mr Doormat... the kind of guy that a woman can and will walk on, and then get bored with and move on.

 

two, look at the type of woman you are dating.... is there a pattern here of some kind... ie if you are meeting girls while drunk at a bar... maybe you should find a new location to do your 'fishing'

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Try seeing their personality, qualities and interest before being in another relationship. There are way more decent women out there than those bad seeds. I also agree with Rabican on not letting yourself get step on, afterall no one likes doormats nor go to the extreme or acting like a loser, no one likes that either. And do be aware of where you're meeting those women, if it's in a job or college then you'll have more chances in having a long-term commited relationship than if you meet hookers at bars.

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Na i'm only 21 and i'm meeting these girls primarily at work, school and through friends.

 

I feel like in the past I was doormat material, I couldnt tell you if I am now, I thought I improved on that one.

 

How would I know if I'm a doormat? I mean i'm a nice guy but I can usually pickup when a girl is trying to walk all over me. In fact when my ex started wanting me to buy her things all the time I put my foot down.

 

This most recent girl like I said, she asked me to kind of be together. Since theres an age difference and shes 17 and im 21 it was iffy with her parents. We both understood that but she asked and I agreed to it. Things were going fine and now she is going on a date with someone else.

 

I got upset about it last night and she got mad at me saying I was making a big deal out of nothing. I was drinking because I was upset about it and she figured that out and got even more upset with me (rightfully so).

 

I apologized to her for that both last night and then again when she called this morning. She also said she was sorry. What do I do now? I feel like I should just stop picking up her calls?

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She juts wanted to hear what she wanted, don't answer her calls. Or if you do, just tell her you're not interest in her no more, why let yourself get that kind of treatment, you deserve better than that. Say bye to her, then go for next fish, afterall there're tons of them on the ocean. Don't give up hope, there's always a decent person waiting for you.

 

If you keep answering her calls and fall for her cheap sorry excuse, then you would sound like Mr. Doormat.

 

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just out of curiosity, what age range are these girls? the current girl who says she likes u goes off and flirts with other guys. RED FLAG, don't even go for it. she's in high school, probably when it comes down to it, doesn't know what she wants and probably is not ready for a "real" relationship as in being monogamous. if she is off flirting with other guys already, what does that tell u? what is she thinking anyways, that is not the way to get with a guy u like. i say, don't even bother.

 

my advice is don't look for someone, let them come to u and all this time that u r single, learn to love yourself. u have to weed through the bad to get to the good and right now it doesn't look like it is happening for u. maybe u need a someone older heh..

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i think at your age there are lots of people who don't really want to date seriously, they like to 'shop around' and date lots of people.. and may not have learned that they should treat people they date with respect...

 

i'd stay away from girls in high school and date ones your own age... also be careful who you select. maybe spend time with them in a friendly way to get to know what their morals/values are, i.e., are they good people and not the type to cheat.

 

there's plenty of honest people out there, but lots of cheaters too, so you've had a bad run. but i think if you date girls in college or a bit older, and pick ones who are good people as well as attractive to you, you will have better luck.

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So what is this guy supposed to do? If all girls around this age and younger are getting their act together and the older ones don't typically go for younger guys. Is he supposed to sit tight for the next however many years until he's old enough to date the girls that "grow up"? Not to shoot down people's advice, but this doesn't sound particularly uplifting.

 

Let me paint a pretty clear picture for you mate and you do whatever with it. This will sound like a stereotype, yet go along with me. See when you're an attractive, young female, you typically get your choice of who you want. Why? Well think about it, its traditional and pretty much expected that men ask out females. When this premise is set up, you can begin to create standards ONCE you start noticing patterns. At first females typically don't have a lot of experience and will go for image or status males and might test the waters with different types of men and yet one thing will end up ringing true for most women and that is how a guy is being. Is he honest? Is he genuine? Does he have a purpose/sense of direction in life? Is he capable of getting what he wants and following through on his desires? Is he confident in his decisions/actions/choices? More so, this all comes from a place of how close you let things in your life affect you. The more things get to you and the more you complain about things or let things sway you, the less attractive a man usually is.

 

My advice at this point is to get used to it. If you find something wrong with this or that you see what I'm saying in that what a woman usually wants is for the man to be just that, a man so that she can relax into being a woman and not have to lead the two of you. I mean there is such a thing as mutual equality, yet I find more and more that most women I meet look for men that are inbetween nice and a jerk. In other words they want a sincere, honest, genuine guy who treats her nice and yet isn't able to be walked on, controlled, weak minded, scared of life or treat her badly(which includes hitting them). These are only some of the characteristics and yet hopefully you can draw an understanding of what i mean from them.

 

Thankfully these things can be worked on and usually are always deep within a man but are just kept hidden or closed until he either goes through so much crap that he doesn't stand for it anymore and starts BEING who he is, or he discovers it slowly and changes into that man. Essentially you always ARE that man its just life can get to us and we'll end up locking that part of us away. The good thing is though is that he's always there. Waiting.

 

After you begin opening that part up in you, you'll notice a lot less of this sort of thing happening. It may not go away completely, but my dating and sex life have increased dramatically ON THIS alone. Pair that with the amount of weight and negative emotion/thoughts I had and I feel pretty confident now adays that I can find someone. Oh and I've also found that I didn't want to put in the effort at first and now after I have, I get fewer flake outs and I find its ME who makes the choice to walk away and not get the short end of the stick anymore. Way more worth it in my opinion. As always, its your choice and this doesn't mean someone won't come along, it means that we're better off finding who we are regardless and that we're better off finding someone who sees that in us.

 

hope this helps.

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