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Chubby White Girls


puff.tm.dragon
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I don't really know what to say....

 

I have a body type similar to "sketch 6" that was posted way back:

 

I'm 5'5 and a size 8/10. I used to be smaller (between 3-5) and guys didn't pay attention to me even then, when my confidence was soaring.

 

Why? I'm essentially invisible to guys. In fact, I sometimes forget my manners and just blatantly check them out at school because I assume they won't see me (you know... invisibility thing). I don't TELL guys I meet that I think I'm repulsive or invisible to guys, because that just smacks of low self esteem, but I just have come to the conclusion, as the theory seems to be holding true, and it's just been this thing I've been noticing over the past 4 years or so.

 

I'm thinking I can start making a living photographing wildlife.

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Ah this is one of the more entertaining topics.

 

What I find interesting is some people are getting all offended about the OP saying he likes "chubby girls" but then we're also seeing lots of girls in here saying how they'd only want a guy who's bigger than them, taller than them etc. Sounds like a double standard quite frankly.

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Ah this is one of the more entertaining topics.

 

What I find interesting is some people are getting all offended about the OP saying he likes "chubby girls" but then we're also seeing lots of girls in here saying how they'd only want a guy who's bigger than them, taller than them etc. Sounds like a double standard quite frankly.

 

I agree. His choice of words may have been "politically incorrect", but everyone has a preference when it comes to the opposite sex.

 

In response to Charley: I know a guy who is pretty short and he is crazy about tall girls. Absolutely crazy about them. He doesn't seem to have any trouble finding tall girls who are just as into him.

 

In response to Kevin: "Skinny" is an insult. Tell that to the next person who uses that word on you. I'm a girl and I get offended if someone calls me skinny.

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I think it goes beyond politically incorrect - as a woman if he used language like that in front of me or within earshot there is no way I would want to be friendly with him much less date him or have any of my friends date him. Even if all he means is he has a preference, to use that kind of language makes a bad first impression to most women who have reasonable self esteem and manners - whether they are overweight, thin or somewhere in between.

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Or she TOLD him shes 160 and 5 foot 10..add in girls "fudging" of measurements and she was 5 foot 8 165

 

Ive always been very open about my weight, no need to lie but I find that men guess much lower.

 

Perhaps that's because you have some muscle? Muscle is denser than fat. This results in looking less heavy than you actually are. Weight is just a number anyway. I couldn't care less about a woman's numbers.

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Perhaps that's because you have some muscle? Muscle is denser than fat. This results in looking less heavy than you actually are. Weight is just a number anyway. I couldn't care less about a woman's numbers.

 

I care lots about women's numbers, but only the ones in which they can be contacted with not ones that come up on the scales

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I had posted earlier to P.Dragon that his thread has entertainment and educational value.

 

I don't find it entertaining. It's insulting to women.

 

Really? I apologize then. I'm sorry CB. I didn't mean any harm. Neither did P.Dragon. Some of the women seem to like him a lot, so I didn't realize things were so out of hand.

 

I apologize to CarnelianButterfly, Batya, and women in general. I mean that sincerely. Please forgive me.

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Thanks for sharing your view that my post "bashed" him. I do not like the words he used to describe his preferences - I found the words disrespectful and objectifying. I would have been more comfortable if he had written that he preferred to date blondes. To me the words used do matter and can give a good impression, a bad impression, a tacky impression, etc. I did not bash him; rather, I said that I found his choice of words and description to be disrespectful - that's giving an opinion on behavior, not him as a person.

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I've stayed away from E for 1.5 days so that I could think things over, and what I may have done wrong to offend a couple women, and how serious my offense might be. I'm very sorry I offended anyone because I don't want to offend or hurt anyone.

 

However, all I said was that this thread is very entertaining and somewhat educational. That's not a bad thing to say. Many people find this thread entertaining. So that's not my opinion, it's a 12 page fact (and growing). This thread is educational because I’ve learned many things here and I know others have too.

 

Now it should be said that P.Dragon is a small man. He is thin. No offense intended to P.Dragon and I know he won’t take offense. I'm just stating a fact. So his ideas of “chubby” are skewed because he is thin and he's used to thinking of Asian women as being the norm. No ladies should take his use of the word "chubby" seriously. That might be his stated ideal woman, but it's clear to me that his ideal woman is only slightly heavy to normal build for a white woman, not chubby. So don't get your feelings hurt over his choice of words. Consider the source. No offense P.Dragon. I think you're an awesomely cool guy, even if your idea of chubby is skewed. What I think P.Dragon likes is tall shapely women who might be normal weight, or 10 lbs overweight at most. He doesn’t know what chubby means to most of us.

 

Others are free to state what they are attracted to. So why can't he? I've seen women post many times what they like in a man's looks. How is that any different?

 

FYI - I'm personally what P.Dragon would call chubby myself. I'm OK with that. I'm about 10 lbs overweight, though many women friends tell me I look ideal weight. A woman at E has called me chubby before. I didn’t like it, but I didn't go postal over it. I don't care if I am chubby. I don't even care if I have 2 eyebrows.

 

I used to be 55 lbs overweight. Even then I was not sensitive about it, except that I had size B breasts (I estimate) at that time. Yuck. My sister teased me cruelly about being fat, having boobs, and she was always trying to give me T-Twisters. I was embarrassed and humiliated about that, especially considering I'm a guy, but that motivated me to lose weight and I did lose 45 lbs over a year and have kept it off for a full 3 years. Ironically, she's the fat one now. Ha ha. However, her husband likes her that way. So it worked out for her and she's happy. I
never
tease her about her weight because she'd get really hurt about it (double standard?), even though she had been very cruel to me earlier.

 

Point being, if you don't like your weight, do something about it. P.Dragon doesn't like his weight either. He's self conscious about being thin. He's doing something about it by weight lifting. If you are comfortable with your weight as is, then be happy with yourself as you are. If not, then change yourself. You can do it.

 

Chronically sick people cannot decide to stop being sick. Permanently handicapped people cannot decide to stop being handicapped. I know because I'm missing 3 disks in my mostly fused neck and one in my partly fused back, plus my left hand is held together by 4 screws and my left knee needs to be internally cleaned now, and maybe repaired later. My earlier injuries brought on a severe case of rheumatoid arthritis. I won't even go into the side effects of my injection med that controls arthur by reducing my immune system. I'm still often in chronic pain and cannot take pain pills due to them having given me an ulcer in the past. Ulcer healed and gone now, but no more pain pills except temporarily in extreme emergency – like when screaming in pain last couple weeks (better now). What is being overweight compared to that? I'm permanently handicapped, some of you are merely overweight, you can go on a diet. Other people are terminally ill, you can go on a diet. Put that into perspective and get a grip on yourselves people. I wish I was fat instead of handicapped. Then I could go on a diet like I did before, plus exercise. Some problems are solvable, others must be endured, and some kill us. Be thankful if your worst problem is being overweight. It's a solvable problem, if you choose to solve it and work at it. However, if you are happy with your weight as is, then be happy as you are.

 

Please allow P.Dragon the freedom to say who he is attracted to. Many women exercise that same freedom in their threads and posts about their preferences in men.

 

It's also nice to see that most ladies like P.Dragon. They must see his innate goodness as I do, and his cool smile.

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To whom it may concern:

 

P.Dragon just PM'd me that he met a local woman he finds attractive who meets his ideal of beauty. He wanted some advice from me about approaching her. I PM'd him this advice first, and then requested his permission to post it. He told me to go ahead and post it.

 

I want to post it because it raises some valid concerns and issues that were not previously addressed in this thread. My advice to P.Dragon follows:

 

===================

 

OK dude. Now the chubby comments don't offend me, cause I'm not a woman. I think it was OK for you to post your preferences and although your choice of wording was not diplomatic, I don't know of any more diplomatic word you could have used that would have conveyed your meaning and description. However, that was a post at a forum where you were asking for advice.

 

This will be a "one on one" meeting and conversation with a woman. That's entirely different from publicly posting to a group at a forum. You are not asking for her for advice or her opinion (like at forum). So there is no need to use any references or words pertaining to her weight. Do NOT mention her weight at all. Do not mention her figure at all, unless you just want to make a vague, generic, polite and tradtional compliment like "I'm attracted to you", or "I think you're beautiful". Those compliments are nice, polite, safe, traditional, and sufficiently vague enough to avoid offending most women.

 

We've both seen in your thread how hurt and/or angry the subject of weight is to some women. Probably most women. In the forum most women cut you slack on that because you are asking for information. However, in a one on one situation, you will not be cut any slack on that. Any reference to her being heavy, or her weight is going to hurt her feelings. So go ahead and get as turned on by her looks at you please, but don't tell her that you are into chubby women. It will hurt her. Just tell her you like her, or that you are attracted to her, or she's beautiful, or just say hi and find a subject to talk about. Use your imagination. Ask others for advice, if you like, but do NOT mention her weight or build! Do NOT tell her your reason for attraction or your preferences, or make any reference to her weight. Understand?

 

Good luck buddy. There's many good threads on approaching women, and not one of them mentions telling her you like chubby women. Keep that information to yourself when you meet her, and forever. She does not want to know that. It's OK to tell her she's beautiful, but not why you think so, considering your reason(s).

 

If she ever asks you if she's fat, it's a trick question. Never say yes. Just tell her that she's beautiful. Just don't mention why she's beautiful. The weight topic must never be mentioned. NEVER.

 

Good luck P.Dragon. Go chat her up. Say hi. Start a conversation about... You have to figure that part out. Forum is full of advice on that subject. Maintain eye contact when you talk to her. I mean eye to eye, not eye to boob. Get it? Listen to her and respond so that the conversation is about her interests. Oh ya, flash that million dollar smile of yours and share your humor, but keep it polite and reasonably PC.

 

Let us know how it goes. I'm rooting for you.

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P.S. - don't forget to look her left hand over for a promise ring, engagement ring, or wedding ring. If she's got a ring on the wrong finger or hand, then just feign interest in the ring and tell her it's an interesting ring and ask what it means.

 

Sometimes those are promise rings (got a BF). Othertimes they're a gift from mom, or she just likes junk jewelry.

 

Checking out the rings, or lack of, and askng if you aren't sure can save you from some embarrassment. It's really embarrasing trying to ask out a married or engaged woman and the ring is on her finger in plain sight, but you never looked. Been there. Done that. I don't ever want to feel that stupid or blush that much again.

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Gee charley, it sounds pretty complicated.

I usually found that married women give hints as soon as I start to chat too much.

 

Maybe I missed the hints, or maybe they were just friendly. Maybe I'm not as smart as you. No matter what, it's always good to pay attention to rings.

 

If you'd like to help him, please do. I'm sure he'd appreciate it. I'm sure you have good advice to share with him.

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I'm certainly no ladies' man by any means, but have noticed a few things.

 

When I chat with a lady, if we hit it off she mentions her father in law, refers to "our" house, the vacation "they" had or somesuch subtlety so I get the message without being a deer in the headlights, asking if they're involved, married or whatever. Recently a lady mentioned having to call home about something. Just a shorthand way to drop a hint without defusing a good talk. The first time I picked up on this was with an ex-stripper who offered me a haircut. We talked a long time, and she said if she was into guys she'd hang out. I didn't need an explanation, and she became a good friend.

 

Mind you, in no way was I after anything but a convo. They were just savvy enough to enjoy a chat without making a big deal out of talking to a guy. Not everyone is on the prowl, and that's easy to handle unless you're obsessed.

 

Guys sometimes see women as potential dates, but they can also be sisters.

Either way, they're pretty cool.

 

Rings or not.

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Ya, most women do give good hints, and some are so obvious that a moron can't miss them. However, some women don't give much, if any hints, or they are very subtle, or maybe they just enjoy talking to me and think of me as a friend and I just haven't been properly observing and I misunderstood. Maybe she's attracted to me and I'm picking that up, even though she's not available, and she's not doing anything to let me know she's not available. Maybe it's my fault, maybe no one's fault, or maybe her's. It varies widely.

 

Sometimes it's clear as a bell that she's not available, but other times it's not.

 

The point of my advice is to be observant and ask questions, if things are not clear.

 

Also, women under 30 nowadays do wear an amazing assortment of rings and various jewelry that has no signifigance other than they like it. However, sometimes it does have signifigance.

 

I had a specific situation about a year ago where I was talking to a young woman in her 20s in my fav shoe store. She was totally enjoying talking to me and into me, at least for conversation. Maybe she was attracted to me. It seemed so. I think both. There was ongoing eye contact, mutual smiles, and a 5+ minute conversation, and no she wasn't waiting on me. She was just having a conversation with me. I was very attracted to her. As is characteric of me, I made no effort to ask her out because I was chicken. However, I then walked twice around the mall agonizing between wanting her and my shyness. I decided to go for it, right after a cup of coffee. I guess I needed one last stall.

 

I went back and she was pleased to see me again and we talked a little and I was going to tell her that she is interesting, fun to talk to, beautiful, and I was attracted to her, then ask her out. However, I noticed a ring on her right hand ring finger. What's that? It's not tradtional to wear a ring there. Looks like junk jewelry to me, not a serious ring, but I was interested and worried. So I asked about it showing my interest and hiding my worry. She told me it was a promise ring from her BF. She never even realized I was attracted to her, or maybe she did and enjoyed it. I don't know. Maybe she just likes good conversation and jokes. So I gracefully concluded the conversation and left with no harm done.

 

I learned to "fear the rings" from an earlier incident with a very friendly woman who loved my jokes, compliments, and conversation. I even told her she was beautiful (I'd had a drink) and she liked it very much and thanked me. This went 20 minutes to 30 minutes one day a week, for several weeks. One day I did finally ask her out. She then showed me her engagement ring that I had never noticed because I hadn't thought to look. Things were very uncomfortable after that and she was never relaxed around me again. I stopped going there. She had just liked me as a friend. That's all. Maybe she was attracted to me (seemed so), but in an unavailable type way, and she assumed her ring would make me understand that. It didn't, because I was inexperienced and naive. That was a painful and embarrassing lesson and it cost me a friend. Not a close friend yet, but she could have become a close platonic friend, if I hadn't ruined it.

 

Approaching women is sometimes easy, but often not. It's not always as simple as Dako says, though I wish it was. Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes NOT. The fact that there are thousands of threads at this forum from men asking how to approach a woman, and thousands more asking what went wrong is proof positive that this stuff is not easy for many men.

 

All the hints that Dako said in his post are good advice and things to pay attention to. Some women are great about giving good hints. However, some women are not good about it as I explained in my post.

 

I just wanted to help P.Dragon to be alert and make visual observations about rings. Yes, also make observations about what she says, but don't count on clear signals. The signals might be clear, garbled, or absent. If you don't understand, then I'd investigate with questions, or wait until later, before asking her out. The more conversation you have with her, the more you'll learn, even if she's not consciously dropping hints. The worst possible thing that could happen is minor embarrassment. It won't kill a guy, especially not a semi-cocky can do guy like P.Dragon. However, it's still nice to avoid embarrassing moments, if possible.

 

For what it's worth, I regret the many times I chickened out and didn't try far more than the times I did try and was turned down, or embarrassed myself. I've also succeeded some too. I have asked women out and got the date enough times to know I can do it. Just to add that. I've also been asked out a few times. Love that. I wish women would do it more.

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