Single mums

[Special Fried Rice]

Quick question for the single mums out there... if there was a guy who you liked, and who liked you, would you still proceed with caution because of your children, perhaps more so than if you had no kids at all?

 

Also, is showing a guy a picture of your children a significant step, or would you do this just to be friendly?

 

SFR

[agent1607307371]

Ok, I don't have kids, but if I was dating someone with them who didn't proceed with extreme caution in regards to them, I would actually regard it as a red flag.

 

When you have children the way you have relationships changes, you can't just get hot and heavy with someone, you have to protect your children first and foremost, by not getting them attached to someone who may not stick around, by not confusing them with a lot of bf's and by not making them feel threatened by a stranger.

[Ash]

I'm not a single mom, but my feeling on the picture question is that it's a way of being friendly, of being proud of your kids, and serving notice that you do have kids in case it comes out as a "surprise" later on.

 

I do also thing having kids definitely does change things, and it certainly changes how a relationship starts and proceeds. I'd tend to think that yes, you're a little more cautious because there are more than the two adults involved.

[flower99]

Definitely proceed with more caution than if you had no kids. Prior to kids, you only had your own safety to worry about.

 

But now, you have a child to protect. So physically protecting them is the first step, so don’t bring a man to your home till you are sure beyond a shadow of doubt he is trust worthy. (Protect from thieves, abuse,stalkers & petifiles)

 

But on top of the safety of their home & body. Protecting your childs mind & heart. Children become attached & need a father figure to look to. So if there is one there they will be looking to him. Make sure he is a good father figure, good character. And don’t introduce them to the child till you are sure of this. And serious about this man. Because when your child has men entering & existing their life, it leaves scars (depending on age of child,when they are really young, they forget the men, but when they are approx. 3 ish they ask a lot). And leaves him dealing with adult issues, creates abandonment issues & other issues.

Showing a guy a picture of my kids, not so much a significant step for me, I show everyone my son (: but that’s just me.

[Portage]

i would say definitely YES!! 100% YES !!!!

 

Some women take weeks and weeks before introducing their children to a potential boyfriend. Most women want to make sure that man is going to be a fixture (if they are interested) for quite sometime before introducing them to their child/children. Why have a child bond with that man if they are very temporary? Seems rather cruel and selfish, just my take on it.

 

When it comes to the picture, what mother doesn't love showing off her child?

[Special Fried Rice]

Thinking about it... I show everybody at work pictures of my nieces and nephew, doesn't mean I fancy them all Thanks for your input, much appreciated.

 

SFR

[Dateagain]

i agree that the most important thing is safety. What's worked for me is to just explore things with the man for a few months, without my kid knowing. Maybe he could come over to dinner sometime to meet the kids, you know, just as a friend of yours. Don

t let him sleep over or spend a lot of time with the kids until you really know what the score is. One red flag is if he has kids and never sees them

[Portage]

Safety is definitely crucial. I keep thinking of my child and her emotional state, however, safety is a number one key factor. I haven't begun to date as of yet.

 

I figure by the time i ever introduce a man to my child she'll be in university. lol. Can you say overly cautious.

[AllTornUp]

What about single dads? Last time I waited 4 months before introducing my g/f to them and later found out that she was offended that I waited so long...

[afonselaca]

I have two boys. I've dated both men with child/ren and men without children.

 

The men without children come in two flavors as far as my experience goes. The ones that perceive my boys as someone else's problem and the ones that accept that most any women they are interested in likely has child/ren.

 

I don't show my pics unless I am interested for the same reason I don't post their pics on websites. They are part of the package but I don't want them to meet my date until I've established a safety or comfort level with my date which is usually a few months into seeing him.

 

I actually prefer to date men with children or one child, especially if he has custody. But that is just me.

 

HTH

[Special Fried Rice]

Well, I'm actually somebody who's knocking on a bit now so I appreciate that a lot of women my age will have kids, and to be honest I'd love to have had kids myself by now, but it just hasn't worked out. I think if you find somebody you really like, who blows your socks off, then them having kids really isn't a problem.

 

But I understand why mums might take extra care with guys who show an interest in them. Presumably I just have to take things really slowly, and not rush anything, and take things at her pace?

 

SFR

[afonselaca]

hahaha! SFR, you aren't THAT OLD yet. You crack me up though.