Are we done for good?

[the_dude456]

Hey guys heres whats going on:

 

I met this girl at school and we dated for 7 months. Things were awesome in the beginning, i guess they always are, but we broke up recently because she says that the passion is gone. She told me that I didnt acknowledge her as my gf, and that we essentially just grew apart, that i treated her more like a friend than a gf and she felt like she was the only one putting any effort into the relationship. I tried explaining that there were somethings going on with me which had kept me from being my usual slef, but that i was going to be different from now on. she didnt exaclty warm up to the idea because this was the first she'd heard of it.

 

He hadnt really been talking aside from school, we're both grad students and see each other just about every day. She called me recently just to talk it seemed and acted like nothing had happened, like we were just buddies. A couple days afterwards i tried talking to her the same way and she wasnt having it. She ignored me and when i asked her about it said she wasnt trying to ignore me.

 

I am at my wits end with this one, the reasons for the break up dont sit well with me, and i cant understand her actions. Do you think there is a chance shes harboring some resentment towards me, i really love this girl, and kno for a fact that at one point she was very much in love with me. I dont kno if i should try moving on, or hold out for the possibilty of it starting up again? what do u guys think.....sorry for the long post

[Northalius]

This is why many always say: Communication is key in a relationship! When something is bothering you, let them know! When you don't let them know, it shows you either: don't like them enough to tell them, or don't trust them enough to tell them (usually the latter). Either one of these is not a good thing for one to think about. This is maybe why she broke it off with you...?

 

Well, in my opinion, I'd probably send her an email detailing the reason why I wasn't myself during those months; also giving a good reason (insecurity? scared it'd scare her off if I let her know at the time?) behind why I didn't let her know about the thing that was going on with me; and let her know that if she doesn't want to continue in light of this information, then it's "okay". Make sure to show them you're not needy; show them that you respect their wishes, and have self respect enough to move on if that's what they truly want.

[luvmykids]

personally, I think shes wants you to chase her....she said the passion was gone, that means the excitment of it all as well...I cant say if she wants to be with you or not. I know my ex is doing the same thing and he wants me to chase him, I dont! hummm? then he trys to contact me..I was doing NC and he went nuts..that wasnt my intention, I figured we were done and NC was my way of getting over him the way he seemed to be over me. where we are at now? we talked and spent some time together over this last weekend....he needs to show me effert..I think i will answer his calls to give him that chance to show me if thats what he wants, but im not holding out with false hopes by any means. hope this helps.

[luvmykids]

I agree with north.

my ex was going through somethings and he shared with me, but not everything. this hurt me and was the start of all the problems.

[Northalius]

It's similar to looking at the nerves in your hand lacking communication with your brain; could you imagine?

 

When you touch fire, your hand willn't react too quickly; the signal from your hands' nerves is lacking, and by the time it gets to your brain, finally you take your hand off the fire, but you're burned a lot worse!

 

Lacking communcation can be the main reason why most relationships end up in the hole.

 

Even if you doubt the honesty of your partner, I've found that being open and honest about personal emotions and situations in my personal life, is quite contagious; it shows you're not hiding anything, and somewhat begins to let your partners defense down. In return, they become a lot more comfortable with opening up to you!

[the_dude456]

that all makes sense, but i dont kno that it was all due to me not telling her that i was questioning continuing grad school. And it seemed just before we broke up that she wasnt sure if she wanted to do it, it took her nearly 4 days before she actually did. So i dont want to be pushy, i would like another chance, but i gain nothing from being just as confused as she is, aside from the heartache of her ignoring me until she feels like talking.