Young with no trust and a baby :(

[mommy326]

Hello!

 

If I could sit here and type out all the problems and 'bumps' I have had in my relationship i would be here all week. I will try to be short, however...

 

I met my current bf 2 years ago at work. I was instantly intrigued, and after much flirting at work we started dating about a month after meeting. On our first date I find out that he lives with his gf (But it's not going well they arent in love anymore and all they do is fight, he hates her yadda yadda... )

 

I was only 17 and stupid and didn't really care and let him cheat on his gf with me. 2 months later he moved in with me and we got an apartment together. Things were perfect, we were so happy together, i got to know his ex gf and things werent going well and they were better off as friends anyway, that was fine.

 

A month later I found out I was pregnant and we were both really excited although it most certainly wasnt planned. things were SO awesome, and we fought but nothing big, then when I was about 6 months pregnant we got into a fight about one of his old ex gf's that moved up to the city we were in and told me that she was going to do everything she could to marry him. thats when the lying started. a little lie here, little lie there about where he was and who he was talking to on the phone, some days he called out of work and went to see her and made sure he called me when his breaks would have been so i didnt catch on (too bad i was great friends with a new coworker...) the ex gf ended up getting a job next door to the place he was working and kept going to see him and finally he told her off and said he wanted to work things out with me

 

he was still lying about everything though, lying about going out to the bar, to simple things like lying about talking to his mother on the phone, it was crazy! one night he came home at 4 am and told me he ran out of gas on the freeway and had to walk 2 miles to get gas and me being stupid and 9 months pregnant i felt sorry and rubbed his feet when he got home and stayed up to make him food and i babied him, only to find out from his boss that he got plastered at the bar and had to stay at another girl's house till he sobered up

 

after we had our daughter he was the perfect bf again for a few months, then he proposed to me and i said yes because everything was great. I could trust him again, or so i felt

 

we moved to ohio when our baby was 4 months old and i had a big fight with his mother, her and i dont get along at all and she is terrible with our daughter (long story, again..) and bf and i fought so much i took a trip back out to wa where we are from to visit my father and while i was gone ... no wait, the day i left.... he signed up for a dating website and found multiple women to meet and ended up meeting some of them in rl. i was gone for 3 weeks and when i got back i found out because i snooped though his email and read everything ..... he hit me giving me a black eye when i accused him of it and had the nerve to lie to my face about it. i broke his computer into pieces and told him if he wants to see his daughter again he will move back to wa with me.

 

we moved back here about 2 months ago, our daughter is now 10 months old but i feel like tehre is nothing left. i dont trust a thing he says, even if it is a simple ' hey hun im running to the store for diapers ' i wonder if he is stopping at the bar or anything. he hides money from me and takes alcohol to work and deletes all of his history and messages everytime he leaves the house

 

in short,

 

I guess I admit that I am staying with him for our daughter. I try SO hard to find it in myself to let go of him but I feel like I need to try and do whatever it takes for her. I just cant seem to let go and the 2 weeks I really did, I think he cheated on me again because he said I never give him enough attention or make him feel loved or wanted

 

 

im so sorry this is so long, i am nervous and upset and i am a stay at home mommy taking 4 college courses and working late at night and i am SO stressed out over this i have no room left to worry about our relationship all the time and it is literally wearing me down to nothing as well as interfering with the way i interact with my daughter because i am so preoccupied

 

again, sorry ... if anyone has any advice, I know that most will say to leave him but to me its just not that simple

[HellFrost666]

Do you really think he is ever going to change?

 

If you leave you could find somone who would treat you and your daughter like you deserve. If you stay your daughter will grow up in an unhappy home, think that all men are like him, and probably allow herself to be treated the same way by somone. The unhappiness of your relationship will start to eat at you, and you might even come to resent your daughter because of this... (Not saying that for sure, but it is possible.)

 

Your daughter is too young to understand what would be going on if you left. And what if somewhere down the line he cheats again and leaves you for the other woman? Maybe by then she will be old enough to understand everything... imagine what that would be like for her.

[BornToResist]

I went through the complete demise of my relationship basically the day I found out I was pregnant. I COMPLETELY understand that pull to stay with a guy because of your kid, even if he is a piece of trash who thinks you are worth less than what is stuck to the bottom of his shoe. And honey, that's what he thinks of you.

 

I'm in my 9th month of pregnancy and I went through much of what you went through (everything with the exception of him hitting me) in my first month. It took me EIGHT more months to finally get the guts to leave. But you know what...? Life is SO much better without these emotional leeches.

 

You mentioned your father lives by you...would it be possible to start spending more time with him or at someone else's house? You aren't doomed, you can start to make the changes you need to make to get out of this, but YOU have to want to. Otherwise you'll just keep going back time and time again.

 

Are YOU ready to admit that you are worth more than this? What is this teaching your daughter, when she sees a man treat a woman with violence and complete disrespect? What kind of guys do you think she's going to find for herself?

 

Are you willing to put up with this guy who is completely disrespecting you? He is CHEATING and LYING and he DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. Do you deserve more than that, or are you willing to waste more of your precious youth staying with someone who doesn't care if he hurts you or not?

 

Please think this over. No matter what, it's a LONG process, but first you have to decide that you are worth something.