my ex is trying so hard

[tiraffee39]

my ex and i broke up a couple weeks ago, it wasnt messy, but now she is trying so hard to make sure i know she is happy now that we are broke up. but her mother is telling me different. why do woman pretend to be happy when the ar not

[tiraffee39]

oh and i have had no contact with her in these past weeks

[CarnelianButterfly]

why do woman pretend to be happy when the ar not

You're ex is not all of woman-kind, please don't generalize.

[tiraffee39]

sorry i did not mean to offend any one with that generalizing, a slip i guess

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Hey Tirafee..

 

i think your ex girlfriend is pretending to be happy because she doesn't want you to know she is hurting over the break up.

 

Why? she may think that makes her look weak.

 

I wouldn't read too much into it ...I know when i ended things with my ex ...i never let him know how sad i was ..... I didn't want him to know how much he hurt me.

 

I hope that helps.

[need2bme]

I wouldn't read too much into anything. I say this, because I was reading into everything.

 

I wanted so badly to take everything she said the wrong way. We were singing "Promiscuous Girl" and I sung the lyric "Wait! I don't mean no harm. I can see you with my t-shirt on" to which she then looked right at me and sung the lyric, "I can see you with with nothing on".

 

So, like the typical sad male I am, I read into that. I then playfully sung the lyric, "Girl, I’m a freak you shouldn't say those things". To which she laughed and thought it was funny.

 

Later, we were talking about it and I played the song on my laptop. We laughed and a little later than that, she told me, "it was just a song."

 

See, I believe she hurts, but she still sees me as the good old friend and I see her as someone I would like to try and fix things with.

 

Have you spoken with her at all? Can you speak to her about how she feels?

[tiraffee39]

here is a little bit more to what happened, we were so happy it was like a dream come true, we have known eack other for 2 years but only after a year we became partners, i ask here to marry me 2 month ago and she was so happy it was unreal. then things changed, she treated me different. I told her i wanted her to go the rest of her life with a smile on her face, and if i wasnt doing it for her i would let her go. it continued so i let her go, i told her to keep the ring as a parting gift, very childish on my part but i was frustrated and then only to find out that the reason she was treating me different is because she was pregnant. so i tried everything to get her back but no she didnt want no part of it. i sent flowers and all that iam sorry stuff. and now she is making sure i find out that she is so happy, but her mother is saying different. i have had no contact with her, i also quit a league we were in because she was there first and i didnt want her to fell uncomfortable if i went, she got angry at me for quiting, telling, me she dont really care if i quit but why quit something i love to do, she tried everything to get me to go but it would of be hard on me to, just to see her, but i thought it was best for her to quit. but why is she going out of her way to make sure i think she is happy and that she is better of without me, i have never treated her badly, except for saying those crazy words, and i have told her it was childish of me. should i continue with the no contact, and let her make the first move which her mother tells me she will do in time, she thinks . any advive would be great

[mcnani]

yeah she's just doing it because she doesnt want you to know how hurt she is... did you break up with her? if so that's precisely why, just let her be... i know i did that and it really backfired

[tiraffee39]

she is not the type to talk about feelings at all, i always had to read between the lines so that is what is confusing me, i know he she is a very passive person, and would always hint to what she wants so is this just a hint or am i reading more into it

[need2bme]

My ex made me read into everything. If she got upset, or even emotional at something, she would cry and just roll over in bed facing away from me. I would rub her back and almost beg her to talk to me. That is no way to have a relationship.

 

How could I or you know what they are thinking? If I could read minds, I would be in Vegas making millions.

 

That is no way to live man. My ex was telling me that when she and the new guy talk, that she cries when she talks about us or feelings and that he understands. Dude, that is gonna last all of a few months. It is one thing to understand and a whole other to realize that you feel really small because someone does not care enough to even tell you how they feel.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Is she still pregnant? She could feel very hurt and vulnerable, and be 'putting on a happy face' to try to prevent her from hurting, and to work out her anger against you.

 

If she is keeping the child and you are going to be parents, i would give it a little time and try to keep the lines of communication open. If she is having this baby, you will most likely be dealing with each other as parents either way it goes between you two, so try to let things settle down, then try to talk to her again.

[tiraffee39]

yes she is having the baby and i did tell her what ever she needs iam here for her.i just dont understand why she lets something so small ruin a great relationship. she use to never go on msn but now everytime i go on she goes on if i appear offline, with in 5 minutes she signs out, and little sayings after her name and i know they are directed at me, like "one month into the new year and its the best year so far" and " i love my past, i love my present and iam not ashamed i have it no longer"i dont know if its our age difference iam older than her, is these signs should i talk to her or give her space and time to figure out her feelings

[tiraffee39]

some advice please

[need2bme]

There is only one thing you can do and that is to give her time. You know this. I am telling you, and my kids don't listen either ;-) (I never listen...), but you cannot make her feel something she doesn't.

 

What you can do, is to love her enough to let go, wait a little and see what happens. I know this is not what you want to hear, but what is your alternative? Continue the way you are and make your heart into mush? That is what I did and I don't reccommend it.

[tiraffee39]

its hard to let the love of you life go, when all this came about some silly little childish words, that has never happened before, and why is that she is only thinking of those words, when there was so much good in our relationship, and a very bright furture for us. i guess i will never understand this, but i will take everyones advice and no contact