Do you think my best friend and I will marry someday?

[lauralied]

OK friends, here's the deal (If you can relate, let me know):

 

My best male friend is so wonderful. We're both 22 and met in high school. Basically, our friendship has grown to possess an almost soul-mates quality. He has told me many a time that I am his best friend back home (he is in the military). We have a chemistry that is inexplicable and often-noted by friends and others who observe us together. We have NEVER dated, never kissed, never done anything physical except hug if we are parting. In other words, we are friends in the purest and truest sense of the word.

 

I have always had a crush on him...he is so darn cute and so endearing and good-intentioned. By this time, I am in love with him. I told him I had not-just-friends feelings last year, but he told me he couldn't go out with me in that way, that he felt like I was actually part of his family, we are so close. That really bothered me, because our history and our closeness is what heartens me that any furthering of our relationship could only we pure and wonderful.

 

I guess what I am wondering is. . .is it just the fact that we are so young that he is not seeing our friendship as potentially more? He finds other girls attractive and dates a lot, but he seems to be tiring of the contrived and shallow nature of many girls he has dated. Do you think he might feel a strong 'something' between us too, and is afraid to go for it, because he sees how seriously right it would be? (He has not had any long-term girlfriends.) Do you think he will realize some point down the line what he has right under his nose, with me????? Can this happen? Has it happened to anyone? Anybody with experience in a relationship that was truly "friend-first" for an extended era of time? I am just curious.

 

I don't want to get married yet, but I'd like to see it happen before I'm 30 with someone that I have as wonderful of a friendship with as with him. I date other guys, but it always leads me right back to wanting him. My best girlfriend, our mutual friend, has always told me that its obvious he has a 'crush' on me. And a year and half ago she said he asked her if he should try kissing me under the Christmas tree. . . are these not clues??

 

The more we talk, the more I am convinced he and I would be a powerful force as a couple. We'd make the world better, simply because when we are together there is a mutual chemistry that is full of laughter and joy. I understand if he simply isn't attracted to me in that way, but he actually said that it wasn't that I am not his dating type. He makes me feel sexy and attractive, and he drops subtle compliments. So basically, I know he doesn't think I'm unattractive (I'd like to think I'm a cute, petite, sexy woman!) So.....please help. I will take any advice with a grateful and open ear!

[4EverNight]

A lot of people I know have been friends before they were a couple. This way you really know all about the person, their likes or dislikes. But then again if it's too comfortable being friends, you may not want to risk the chance that things may not work out and in the process you could lose a friend. Though your friend told you he had thought of kissing you before, that was a year ago and he may not feel that way now. Sometimes in a friendship one person can end up having more than the average feelings. I wouldn't try to pursue it unless I knew that the other person feels the same. Try getting closer to him, maybe holding his hand, and see how he reacts. If he shys away maybe it isn't a good idea but then again maybe this is the push he needs to feel comfortable with it. Sometimes we guys don't see between the lines that well and need a little kick to get us going in the right direction.

[White Rider]

hey, i cant say that im an expert but i can say that i did fall on love with my best friend before, the only advice that i have for you is to be 100% confident of his feelings towards you, just try to do anything to make sure that he have the same feelings, couse in case that u did told him how u feel and he didnt feel the same, u wont be sad only for loseing him as a lover but also for losing him as a friend,ur friendship may still go one, but for sure it wont be the same (i say that from experince)

its really wonderfull when best friends turn into a couple ( i hope u does have feeling for u)

[lauralied]

4EverNight: Thanks for your input. I agree with you that friendship can elicit some strange, uncharacteristic emotions, and that they don't necessarily point to a future together as a couple. Thanks again!

 

White Rider: Thanks for your help. I hope things are picking up for you as well!!! Take care all!

[DoctorWu]

Fear may definitely play into it! If he's never had a serious relationship, then there may be some insecurity there keeping him from seeing you as anything other than a friend. He may indeed may see you as a potential soulmate but a big part of him is focused on that fear. Ultimately, it's up to him to decide when and if he's ready for something serious with you which means that he will have to face those fears at some point (hopefully with you as his guide). I'm in a similar situation...

 

The best we can do continue to be the supportive friend and hope they come around. Meanwhile, we can redirect our focus on things that will make other possibilities available to us....

 

Hope this helps!

DW

[street]

This happened to me I was very friendly with this girl, I counted her as one of my closet friends..anyway we got closer and closer and then one day her friend told me she liked me..at first I wasn't sure but when I thought about it I knew I thought of her as more than a friend..

 

We had a brillant 4 year relationship that just recently ended, but I don't regret a thing…were still friends and I will always class her as my best mate..i say tell him as it worked for me..

[lauralied]

DoctorWu: Wow, thanks for the affirmation of the possibility for at least one of the more positive outcomes of this thing! And you're right, we need to move on with things in the meantime. I have done so, but he's the one I can Always depend on to hear me out when the new relationship isn't going so well. I guess time will tell, huh? Good luck with your friend as well. Thanks again and talk to you soon!

 

Street: Thank you for sharing your experience. It's heartening to hear of other successful transitions from friendship to romantic involvement. Best of luck to you!

[DallasCowboy]

I have a problem similar to yours. I've known this girl since I was 12, but it wasn't till the last 3 years we've become good friends. I told her how I felt a couple years ago. She was shocked and said she didn't want to talk about it. So I decided to stop talking to her, but she called me 3 months later and haven't been able to get away from her since. (Not that I want to get away from her). So I decided to stay friends with her and we've remained close since then. Recently, I've moved we still keep in touch like we haven't missed a beat. She also seems more affectionate and more to me now. She'll make little flirting jokes every now and then. She never used to do that before. So I'm not sure what to do, although I've been satisfied with doing nothing, because i don't want to jeopardize our friendship. I've jeopardized it once before and it's endured. Now I'm getting to a point where I want to find out. I would like to find a relationship, but this holds me back because I have strong feelings for her. Some of the advice people give me is " Do subtle things and check her reactions" Sounds good to me. I don't think she's good at understanding her own feelings and expressing them. I do thing she's good at understanding physical chemisrty. So I am going to give it a shot. What do you think? Please Reply! thx=)