Going to ex's hometown - good idea?

[warhuhwow]

To summarise 6 months of pain and work:

 

In the summer, my girlfriend told me our relationship was based on a lie and she had cheated on me. We had been doomed all along. I did a month and a half of NC, did a lot of healing, attempted reciprocation. After a bit she couldn't take the guilt so we permanently cut contact, which I was fine with. A month later she comes back saying she still loves me and knows we should be together, we try things only for her to cut contact again after three days; this time, I took things a bit harder. That was just over a week ago.

 

It was a long distance relationship of sorts, we only saw each other on weekends and on holidays as we lived an hour and a half away from each other.

 

I'm doing okay right now, not completely over her but I'm pursuing other people and I don't feel particularly sad or angry about anything.

 

So here's the thing:

 

Next month, I'm going to a hotel in a major city to get a job abroad over the summer. I used to walk past this hotel everytime I visited my ex; it's 3/4 of the journey to her place. Being so close, and the fact that the hotel thing ends early in the afternoon, thoughts have crossed my mind of going back to her hometown.

 

Last time I was there was five months ago, during what I now consider the worst week of my life. I used to visit once or twice a month.

 

The thought of going back there terrifies me. But at the same time, I feel like I SHOULD go back there, because it could help. It would just be a brief thing; go visit some of the landmarks, have a drink in a bar I used to like, we wouldn't need to be there more than a couple of hours.

 

I don't want to see her, I think it's the threat of that that terrifies me. It's a pretty big place so the chances of running into her are slim. I just feel that being there again will maybe help me realise certain things and give me some closure on stuff. I don't know why.

 

One of my closest friends would be with me and he's very good at keeping me sane and rational.

 

Is this a normal thing to be feeling? Any advice or anything?

[mikeca]

I would advise against this. I was recently where my ex moved to, to have surgery. I walked around saw things..that reminded me of us, and how alone i was this time. I was in the hotel the night and just bored and it was an awful feeling.

[warhuhwow]

That's the thing, I won't have to stay there for the night or anything, and I won't be alone. Also, my mind should really be focussed on that fact that I will have just gotten a job abroad for the summer.

 

I dunno, I just feel this pull, like I should go there for some reason.