Not sure how to deal with this..

[Dan629]

My g/f recently broke up with me and I am not dealing with it well at this point at all... I never thought it would happen if the day came but I am actually thinking crazy thoughts like suicide.. I don't know if I would actually do it because I am afraid to but on the other hand I really do not want to live this life anymore.. I feel so pathetic. I can't afford to get professional help and to be honest I don't think it would do anything. At this point the only thing that would make me feel right again would be getting her back. But I won't so what do I do?.. I thought that every day after we broke up that went by would get slightly easier but the days are getting harder. I don't know if I am emotionally strong enough to do this. She is all I think about and I know she isn't thinking about me which kills me. I want to just not talk to her anymore but she was my best friend and the person I would usually talk to when having a big problem. Now that she is the problem I don't know what to do because obviously I can't talk to her about it.... I just want to give up...............................

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

Hang in there ...

I too was very depressed after my breakup and although we're not back together, I feel better again ... admittedly, it took a while for me to get here but I got a lot of help here from fellow ENA-ers. And we're here for you as well! I know we can't be an alternative to professional help but there are so many wise and kind-hearted people here willing to help and their kind words were so helpful for me during my healing process...

Don't give up, okay? Just because we hurt, this does not mean we're pathetic; just bc we're vulnerable right now, this does not mean we'll be like this forever. Just ride this out, Dan and stay strong!

And please let us know how we can help; we're here for ya!

 

Sending a big hug your way,

Ellie

[GQstatus]

Bro I feel you. And I'm telling you first hand, things WILL get better. And when they do, you'll feel better than ever. You'll become a stronger individual because of all this. Suicide is nothing but an easy solution to a life time of hurt your loved ones will feel after you're gone.

 

You gotta fight through it. Keep yourself busy. Draw, write, box, exercise, go and and socialize no matter hwo hard it is. You have to keep your mind busy with other things. Good luck to you.

[musicguy]

I'm in the same boat and people keep on telling me that things will get better

[Ellie2006]

Musicguy,

I didn't know how to feel (?) exactly when people told me the same thing after my breakup ... I know it's a totally cliched thing to say BUT I do believe there is truth behind this saying: time heals all wounds.

 

At the same time, I think you can help yourself expedite the healing process by encouraging yourself to heal as well as not wallowing *too* much in the hurt (even though I do believe allowing yourself to feel the pain and not suppressing it too much is important as well).

 

Dan, easier said than done, I know, but you gotta really push *yourself* to feeling better; keep active, surround yourself w/ positive people (friends, family members, etc etc), vent about your feelings, get fresh air, exercise, get rest, eat well, watch silly movies and laugh at random, pamper yourself and treat yourself well!

 

Would you consider giving these things a try?

[Dan629]

I am trying very hard. One of the best things I have found to do so far is to just open up Microsoft Word and just sit there and type out my feelings as long as it takes. I know it sounds weird but I actually does help me a little. I guess thinking of the next thing to type makes me think a little less about the pain that I am in. I did sign up for the gym which makes me feel better too. But at the end of the day when I lay down to go to sleep I just stare at the ceiling and think. It is so hard and I don't know how to get myself to stop calling her and trying to contact her. I sent her flowers at work. Wrote her a letter and drove it to her fathers place where she is staying and put it in the mailbox. I get a simple text saying "I loved the roses and I got your letter". thats it. Nothing after that. No phone call. No nothing. How can she do this? I treated her so good and she knows I am right for her but is "confused".. whats there to be confused about. Why can't she just REALIZE!? I hate this

[kadvati79]

For a start, the only thing that really kept me going was thoughts of getting my ex back. I posted on here about daydreams I was having about just hoping on my motorbike and "casually" riding it into a retaining wall at a nice high speed. But what was worse than realizing I was no longer with my ex, was realizing how much I wanted my ex. This made me realize how messed up I had become, that I was somehow basing my whole existence on someone else who wasn't there for me anyway.

 

People would tell me this, and expect it to help, but in actual fact... it made me feel even worse. I felt even farther from where I knew I needed to be. I've seen it said before that suicide is a short term solution to a long term problem. To me, its the point at which my body/mind has reached a point where it really wants to look at other options because it is not liking where I am at right at that moment.

 

While its not something that I would go through with, its a sign that I have exhausted my coping mechanisms and need to make some serious changes. Thats what it is too me, nothing sinister, just the sign that the 'water cylinder' inside of me has reached critical boiling point and something has to happen to all that pressure.

 

She seems like the problem but really, thats a reflection on you my friend. As I said above, this knowledge actually made me feel worse initially because it is much easier to try and get someone back than it is to try and find out how to be happy on your own.

 

At the end of the day, there's no real answers and a whole heck of alot of questions. You just gotta find what makes sense to you and cling onto it. And keep busy

[musicguy]

I treated her so good and she knows I am right for her but is "confused".. whats there to be confused about. Why can't she just REALIZE!? I hate this

 

My ex told me the exact same thing

[Dan629]

Sometimes I think that she does want us back but there might be someone else in the picture that I don't know about and that is what keeps her away. Who knows

[musicguy]

Time heals my friend, time heals

[Ellie2006]

Sometimes I think that she does want us back but there might be someone else in the picture that I don't know about and that is what keeps her away. Who knows

 

Dan, don't even go there if you have no concrete reason to suspect that she might be with someone else.

 

Easier said than done, I KNOW but please please focus on yourself and your healing and try not to speculate on what she might be doing (as hard as it may be ...)

 

Put yourself first and foremost and focus on getting better! It sounds like you're on the right track (with writing out your feelings and signing up for the gym, etc) so keep going, okay?

 

Good luck; we're here rooting for you, Dan!

[kadvati79]

Sometimes I think that she does want us back but there might be someone else in the picture that I don't know about and that is what keeps her away. Who knows

 

If its a case of the "she wants to love you, but doesn't", I think most of us have been there before. Sometimes you are with someone who is perfect, but the magic just goes. Its awful, but you can't force yourself to fall in (or back in) love with someone.

[Dan629]

I'm such an idiot. I called her this morning and talked to her. I didn't beg for her back or anything like that I just kinda sat there not saying much. She said that she wanted to go back to sleep and she would call me back when she woke up. But the worst part about it was when she hung up she told me that she loved me. Something she hasn't said to me at the end of a conversation in about 2 weeks. I don't know why she said it. Maybe because she thinks I am going to do something stupid or just out of habit. But I am such an idiot for calling her because now that she said that it gives me more false hope for her. I know she doesn't want to be together but now that she said that It makes me want to push us getting back together even more. God I am so weak. Why cant I just stop calling her. Should I answer my phone when she calls me back?

[kadvati79]

I'm such an idiot.

 

No, you're not. You're stubborn, yes. You're a bit emotional, yes. But you aren't stupid.

 

But the worst part about it was when she hung up she told me that she loved me.

 

Don't judge her based on what she says, judge her based on what she does. Her actions tell you everything you need to know about her.

 

I know she doesn't want to be together but now that she said that It makes me want to push us getting back together even more.

 

You know she doesn't want too. Her actions say she doesn't want too. And her actions are not those of someone who loves you. All you can do is give it some time and focus on yourself.

 

God I am so weak. Why cant I just stop calling her.

 

Because you still have the phone. Get rid of it. Give it too a friend for a few weeks. Change your number. Thats what I did. I only sent ONE text too my ex in the 12 months following the breakup, and that was too get him to put my stuff on the lawn so a friend could pick it up.

 

Should I answer my phone when she calls me back?

 

No, but if you still have the phone you probably will. Get rid of it.

[daredevil]

First of all if you want her back, then you need to stop making all the contact, you will only get false hope etc without any reason.. if you want her to feel something for you again , you need to show her you aren't always available and move on.. if you keep looking for a little sign from her, then you will only experience more suffering.. the key is to ignite her feelings again if possible, and the only way to do that is by having nc, if you contact her all the time, then you will only experience failure.

[Dan629]

I am not doing well at all tonight. I have been considering suicide again and its scaring me because I want it now more than ever... I have been thinking about taking as many IB Profen as I can. I know a woman isn't worth killing yourself over but the fact that she does not care at all doesn't make me want to live in a world with people like that anymore. I talked to her earlier and kinda mentioned that I was having bad thoughts. She said she would call me back in like 30 min and never did. Which makes me feel like she really wouldn't even care if I took my life. And that makes me want to do it even more. I am scared to die because its not something you can take back but I am just as scared to live in this world anymore.... I wish I didn't have family or it wouldn't be so hard.. what am I going to do

[DocInPA]

No, no, no, no.

 

Problems = Temporary

Suicide = Permanent

 

You can do this. You will have bad minutes, hours, days, months and then it will bounce back. It is going to be bad but you can do this. I am going through almost the exact thing at the moment.

 

Try this:

 

1) Surround yourself with friends and if they ask tell them.

2) Talk to people. Smile.

3) Be brave, even if for only 60 seconds. Then try another 60 seconds.

4) Realize that everyone goes through this and that it is part of the human condition. This is what life is.

5) Acknowledge you have options, resources, friends and the rest of your life to get over this. Give yourself that chance.

 

Do it. You can. We all can. We just need to want to.

You are already getting through this by talking about.

 

Ain't no thing Dan, ain't no thing.

[Ellie2006]

 

Problems = Temporary

Suicide = Permanent

 

This is *so* true!

 

Dan, you say you don't want to be in a world w/ people (like your ex) who doesn't seem to care BUT what about all the people who DO care? Don't they count?

 

Dan, I know this is hard but you gotta hang in there! So many people have been where you are and have successfully come out on the other side: please know that you can too!

 

Stay strong, D!

 

Sending a great big hug your way,

Ellie

[musicguy]

As strange as this may seem, you and I think alike here..but people on here and my friends have told me that no girl is worth killing yourself over. I try hard to not think that way and I know it's hard, but you and I will get through this. (even with my recent break up situation)