Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hi Everyone!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I think I am in the right place, but if not just let me know. I am in the process of getting out of an extremely abusive marriage. It makes no sense to me while I feel sorry for someone who didn't mind hurting me as he did. I stumbled accross this board searching for online support and am hoping to find people here with an understanding, going through or having gone through the same and/or similar experiences. I stuck with him as long as I did to try and make things work for my 6 month old son. He tried the tactics with me of threatening me that if he couldn't have me no one would, that I would never find anyone to love our son and that I would never find anyone who loves me as much as him. I finally reached a point that I knew if I wanted to stay alive for my son that I had to get him out of our life and that if what he gave me was love, that I would rather be alone. He was arrested for everything mid-September, I've went through the sadness/depression stage and going through the anger. I'm searching for indifference, but he does all he can to create as much chaos as possible. He was diagnosed as a sociopath and is not allowing this to end easily. I'm sad over the loss of "the dream", yet mad over "living a lie." I am on day 16 of NC. If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it. I look forward to getting to know all of you and hope I can help you all in some way as well. Thanks!

Link to comment

Hi Christy, and welcome to eNotAlone.


I dont have much to say pertaining to your particular situation, as I have never been in your shoes. I will say however, that regardless of what he may try to make you think, there is a life so much better ahead of you.


Its going to be a hard struggle, but have confidence in yourself, for your sake and your son's. This sight has been a crutch for me, and Im sure you will find the same support and great advice from so many wonderful people as I have.


Hang in there.



  • Like 1
Link to comment

Thank you all SO much! I can see there seems to be alot of encouragement and support here. I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you better.


JP....Thanks....You know when I was hearing it over and over again, I was constantly questioning "what to do?"! Then I realized, I have to be stronger, smarter and do the right thing for my baby! I agree, there has to be a much better life ahead for all of us!


musicguy....Thanks for the welcome!


slightlybent....Thanks for the encouragement and the welcome! I am striving to continue to do the right thing....

Link to comment

Welcome to ENA


Though I have never been in your shoes, it must not be an easy situation.


If this marriage makes you more unhappy than happy and tried to work it out with him with no result, then I think it's time to go.


Why woudn't you find someone else? I think it's better to be alone than with the wrong person and as you described, this is the wrong person.


You'll find love again for yourself and for your son.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Thanks, cheecago....It definitely makes me unhappy, he just won't "go away!" As for finding the right person, now that I am seeing more clearly with NC, I know the right person is out there for my son and myself. It's just "tough" getting through the healing stages sometimes, etc. I choose to feel bad that he is hurting (according to him), even though I gave him countless chances to change. I don't know how to NOT "feel bad" for him. I'm working towards indifference....

Link to comment

hi christy and welcome to the forum!

I am sorry to hear about your abusive ex. but you know what, things could be worse... you see my friend had an abusive husband... everyone thought he was such nice guy (Wrong) but as soon as they got married, he became into this weird crazy lunatic and used to lock my friend up when he left home, so she wouldnt be able to go out anywhere. Freak! my friend doesnt have any kids, but she managed to escape and got a divorce. I know it sounds like a lifetime movie story but its true and my friend is still going through depression stages and she's not married yet.

So, even though i dont know what its like to be in your shoes, you should be happy that you left him and be proud of your strength! You have a boy and he now means the world to you. So, you are being a super strong and wonderful mother to your son and I can already tell you will have a great life ahead of you. When your ex says stuff like, "no one will love you as much as i did" well thats BS and you know thats not true. someone who LOVES you doesnt treat you the way he did You deserve so much better!

Good luck and keep us posted. We're here for you!

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Hi HDD! Thanks for the welcome and your words....Well...believe it or not he did lock me in the house and that is why he is incarcerated, he too was a crazy lunatic (aka sociopath) who did all he could to destroy my world. I feel for your friend. When was she able to get rid of him? I'm sorry she is depressed. There are just so many stages to healing, it's so difficult sometimes, then other times to feel so strong.

Awww...thank you SOOO much, you're exactly right, my little boy means the world to me. (You can't see him in the pic, but he's laying on the floor in front of me.) When I look at him, I know why I left for a better life and am determined NOT to fall for his father's lies. Any man can be a "father", but it takes someone special to be a daddy!

Thank you so very much and I am here for all of you as well!

Link to comment

Welcome to eNotAlone Christy. I hope we can offer you as much support as you need through this period in your life.


I have never been in an abusive relationship with a man, but I have been verbally abused for many years of my life by a family member. I understand what it feels like to be put down enough times that you start to believe that what you hearing is true. I believe that you have made a the right choice and I am happy that you had that strength to go that far on your own.


Remember that we here at eNotAlone are going to be here every single step of the way. I'm so glad you found this website.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

hi and welcome...


i'm glad you poseted for support...you will find many caring and understanding people here. it is so hard sometimes to just make a clean break b/c we all have so much history and as you say "dreams" with that other person. after reading your post, i am so positive that you did the right thing...abuse is something that no one should tolerate! and i would be afraid that it would eventually be directed towards your son...


you are right about the emotional rollercoaster...i experienced infidelity with some psychological abuse but continue to move forward and feel good about where i am...but feelings can come out of nowhere in the beginning (first year!) so be ready for the ride but know that you will make it! and you will find someone who you deserve and who your son deserves too in time! take care!

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Thanks so much, radioheader!!! I appreciate the encouragement....

The history together makes it hard, people know you as a couple and "well-meaning" people trying to "help him out" and talk me into giving him another chance, just make it that much harder. I've decided NC with him OR anyone who has contact with him. It's the easiest way, if there is such a thing.

What you're saying about the feelings coming out of no where...it's crazy how they do that, isn't it?! I love to ride roller coasters, but NOT this one!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...